A submission printed in yesterday's Tuesday Morning Quarterback Feedback Edition:
I supposed that Comet, the Reindeer Games coach in the "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" Christmas special, will be the next one offered the Alabama job. Janet Meredith Zellner of Hattiesburg, Miss., fills in the rest: "First Comet would take the Alabama job. Then he'd get caught with a bunch of lap-does at an erotic dance barn in the red-light district of the North Pole. Comet would deny everything and ask Rudolph to vouch for him at a press conference. Some Crimson Tide boosters would be caught stuffing envelopes of cash into Mrs. Santa's stocking. Hermey and the elves would be declared eligible by Alabama regardless of whether they went to elf classes. The University of Alabama athletic director would proclaim himself King Moon Racer, while the school's Board of Trustees would be sent to the Island of Misfits Toys because they look like trustees but all have defects. Then Comet would resign and be replaced by Santa Claus, who would be fired for failing to beat Auburn."