Todd's Friday Embarrassing Admission...

and you’re getting somewhere…

Do I moisturize, but I exfoliate. I condition (apart from the shampoo.) No 2-in-1 for me. And I have been, since I was in High School.

I’m afraid I may have to give up a man card after that…

Counter-admission. Boo-yah!

Actually, after what I just admitted, I don’t think I’m actually allowed to say “Boo-yah!” anymore. Or drink beer. Or produce testosterone.

i did nearly the same thing, cept my lady told me to use “aveno daily oil free mosturizer” on my face after i shave. i tried it, face felt better, less razor burn, but i still just use her bottle, i dont have my own…

We were attending a swim meet at Auburn and staying at thaat nice RSA hotel on a lake. I was talking on my phone and kind of forgot where I was and got in the elevator and pushed the button to go to the 2nd floor. I pushed it repeatedly and nothing happened. I found a hotel worker and complained (pretty indignntly because I was in a hurry) about the elevator being out of order and she followed me back to the elevator to see if she could help. I pushed the button for the 2nd floor agin and she said “I see the problem—you are ON the 2nd floor now.” Thankfully, I was not wearing anything to identify myself as a Bama grad.

I was going to put up embarrassing admissions for other games, but I didn’t. This game, for me, is the most important game of our season, so I waited. I don’t have to go back far for this embarrassing admission either. Only back to the last time we played a Tigers team, this one in Baton Rouge. I traveled to Red Stick, walked through the hordes yelling “Tiger Bait” in my face, bought a ticket($125) outside the stadium, and walked through the gate, but I NEVER saw even one play of the game because I spent over half of it in the medic tent and listened to the end and the overtime in the car on the radio.

Now, you might be asking “Vicki, why did you do that?” Well, the day started with my sister, who used to be a kick ass bartender, making me a bloody mary in a 64 oz cup. That one gone, she made another. I had no idea how much vodka she was putting in since I couldn’t taste it. She swears it was NOT the drinks SHE made that sent me over the top, but the jello shooters some LSU fans wanted to share with us. She said they had 100% grain alcohol in them.

Well, the first sign I was losing it came when I looked at my feet, freaked out that I did not have my lucky red tennis shoes on, and it almost brought me to tears. My sister said “stop it, John Parker does not know you don’t have your lucky tennis shoes on”. OK, tears averted THAT time.

From here the story is ALL from my sister because I remember very, very, very little. Once I got into the tunnel of the stadium, my limbs pretty much stopped moving. I could not have gotten to the stands if I had won the lotto. I was also feeling sick, so the medics come and off I go in a cart to the medic tent.

The game starts and I’m in and out of consciousness at that point. When I awaken, I’m asking my sister “are we winning?” It was the 2nd quarter and we were behind. She did NOT want to tell me that. About that time the doctor comes in and hears my question. He has a LSU shirt and hat on and says happily, “no ya’ll are losing”. THAT’S when the tears start and I’m crying “I let the team down” and just basically having a breakdown. My sister gets up in the doctor’s face and says “why did you tell her that?” The doctor says “I didn’t know she would get so upset”. My sister says “what part of WE’RE UNDEFEATED and #1 in the country DON’T you understand?”

The nurse says if I don’t calm down, they’re going to send me to the hospital. The nurse and doctor walk away and my sister tells me I’ve GOT to get it together. I beg her “don’t tell MOM”. Then Doctor LSWho walks back over about the time we score to tie it up and when my sister tells me, I sit up and say to the doctor “ROLL TIDE”. He laughs and says I’m fine, I can go.

I still was not fine enough to go out to the stadium, though, so my sister went and got the car which took a while since she got lost trying to find it. So we sit in the car on the campus of LSU listening to the rest of the game on the radio with me still alternately crying as we miss the field goal and I worry over our past history in overtime.

All’s well that ends well since we WON, but the moral of the story? I will NOT let my sister fix my drinks at the tailgate for the Iron Bowl.

Since I’m not suiting up and going onto the field tomorrow, I can talk smack. I really don’t feel the need for a huge admission this week. Auburn sucks, and we are going to stomp their dicks in the dirt. But, since it is Friday, I will admit that I married an Auburn fan and actually let my ex-mistake dress me in Auburn garb and make me root for Auburn against Miss State in Jordan-Hare stadium once. I even lived in Auburn and wrote for the Opelika-Auburn News for several months right after I graduated from Bama. I actually enjoyed the time I spent there, but I have always been a Bama fan.

Anyway, not a big admission. But, like I said, I don’t think we need one this week.

…who have dressed in Aubarn gear, that is beyond embarrassing. It’s disgusting. I can’t believe you didn’t or don’t have the you know what to just say NO! I would not be caught DEAD in it. Not in a million, billion, trillion years.

How in the world do you go about shaving your butt? It’s hard enough to shave the backs of your legs, but at least you can partially see them. Whoa, that swamp butt stuff must be pretty lethal, to make you want to do that. RTR, that one sshould put us over the top.

Off the subject, but my husband is a swim coach and we hear Auburn, Auburn, Auburn all the time. He made the swimmers an offer that they would all do (on Monday) 30 100 yard back swims on 1 minute and 30 seconds each and then the fans of the losing team would do an additional number of 100s for every point of the score differential. The Bama kids all said OK, but the Barn fans said NO WAY!!.

For example, when she was studying for the bar, I would look at her and say “what?” “what did you say?” “I’m sorry you’ve got to speak up”…sometimes I would just laugh and say “that was pretty good…I’m glad you’ve kept your sense of humor.” Her face wold turn real pale, then I would just guffaw

Then, I gave her the nickname “deep” for no discernible reason. But it stuck. When people would ask why I’d just wink at her and say “sheeeee knows.”

Exhibit 3716A of why I’m going to hell

I went to a NKOTB concert when I was a wee lad, also I married an Auburn fan.

a huge pete carrol and USC fan….

im sorry.

holding a bumper sticker that says “Punt, Bama, Punt”. Granted I was probably about 8, my evil aunt and uncle Auburn fans are standing there grinning and my parents (Bama fans who obviously took the picture) didn’t stop the abuse. I will not let my own children see this picture, it shames me today. (Had you going with that “picture of me” thing didn’t I?)

The week of the Tennessee game I told y’all how I cheered for Tennessee in the SEC Championship last year because I was interested in a girl who is a Tennessee fan (and to be 100% honest, because I wanted someone, anyone to wipe that damn smirk off of Les Miles’ face.) The week of the Mississippi State game, I told y’all how I skipped watching the game against Colorado last year to hang out with a girl. Well, it was the same girl both times. Here’s the kicker though…she grew up an Auburn fan. Yep, I was hanging out with a girl who loathes Alabama and is a fan of our two biggest rivals.