Now, if this is just six packs, I think Garcia might be the winner. However, if we included this thing to include those 40 ounce malt liquors and the like, I have a feeling Perrilloux might be in serious contention as well.

Matt Stafford has the body to do it, but he's too gay about stuff. If his Talladega pictures are any indicator, he'd get a little buzz going and then snuggle the guy sitting next to him.

Wilson might be a factor, but I doubt it. If you remember he got a DUI as a freshman at 'Bama after he took a couple of shots and got behind the wheel. Then again, I could see Wilson being the pansy getting hammered off a couple of beers, so I don't think he has what it takes to hang with Garcia.

Stephen Garcia and Matt Stafford could each walk out to a card table covered in twelve packs at the fifty yard line.  They could keep track of total beers and the time it took to finish them.  Passing out would be the equivalent of a KO or TKO in boxing.

(Maybe I'm really lame, but I would actually be as interested in watching this as I would be in the football game.  Urban Meyer would probably be interested, too.  I remember seeing on an ESPN exclusive how he often ends practice with a tug of war between one defensive player and one offensive player.  He said the offense always picked Tim Tebow regardless of which defensive lineman the defense picked.)

Congrats, Fat Freddie, the pride of Etowah.  Best arm in the SEC 1995-1997, SEC Chugmaster 2008.  If that doesn't get him an offensive coordinator job somewhere, I don't know what will.

I mean, shit, just use how he got kicked off the team as an example. One Spring he's got a bum knee and won't practice, so he figures I don't have shit better to do anyway, so I'm going to head down to the Orange Beach area, play on the beach, get drunk every day and chase lots of tail. Gets kicked off the team, naturally. Then begs and pleads like crazy to Bryant to let him back on the team, and then -- in a very rare act for Bryant -- he lets him back on the team.

So what does Stabler do? He goes and gets a case a beer, drinks every single one driving back to Orange Beach -- where he is naturally going to just get more drunk and chase more tail -- stopping along the way only to piss and throw the empties at stop signs as he goes speeding by. I mean hell guys, it's only a little over a four hour drive from Foley to T'town anyway, at normal speed, and with him hauling butt it probably didn't take but three hours tops. Even factoring in time for piss breaks, he was downing eight beers an hour. And something tells me he hasn't embellished that story one bit.

I'm not even sure you could possibly top Stabler. I think you might literally die trying.

Again, typing his name in association with this stings my heart and probably has some deranged person out there plotting my death.  But I think we all know what he could do and to put it mildly, it would be hard to find someone who played or coached with him who would disagree that he could drink 99% of the world under the table.

For me, it's not that he checked himself into Betty Ford, it's that Mickey Mantle hung out with him from time to time.  Mickey Mantle, fellows.  If that doesn't put you in elite drinking company, I don't know what will.

He did check into the Betty Ford Clinic for a time, though. Funny thing was, he wasn't concerned at all, and he did it to show some people that he could stop drinking. Apparently a lot of people didn't believe he could, so he went there and stopped for a few months cold turkey just to prove the doubters wrong. Very Bryant-esque there.

As for Bryant on the drinkers scale, I figure he takes the cake.

But is it really even fair to include him? I think not. After all, he is Bear Bryant, how in the hell do you compete with that? And besides, Bryant grew up on that Depression era moonshine in the Moro Bottoms of Arkansas. There's probably a lot of bleach and antifreeze on the market these days not half as potent as that shit. After growing up on that shit, a good bottle of Jack Daniels Black probably went down about as easy as a Coke Float to most of us. As with football coaching, I imagine Bryant is probably in a league of his own in drinking as well.

Still, in the non-Bryant world, my money is on Snake.

Someone asked him one time why he had so many divorces, to which he replied:

"All I wanna do is drive around in my truck and drink Jack Daniels... and they just don't understand."