The Vanity of Auburn Fans

Amusingly we've gotten a lot of hits from al.com's Auburn message boards about Hal Mumme's presence at practice last week. Why do they think he was there?

So let me get this straight, halfwits; Nick Saban, one of the best defensive coaches in football, brings in Hal Mumme, the man behind the pass happy Air Raid offense, to show him how to stop the spread? Are you kidding me? I know it's a stretch for Auburn fans to know

Defensive genius Mumme hard at work.

what they are talking about more than roughly 20% of the time when it comes to football (believe it or not, "6 in a rwo!!!11" does not count as cogent football analysis, but I guess that's what you get when dealing with a fairweather fanbase), but anyone that's followed college football or, you know, bothered to read up on their staff's history would be able to tell you that Tony Franklin's spread is built around a mobile QB, ala Omar Haugabook (sp? too lazy/busy to look it up) or Kodi Burns, while Mumme's Air Raid spread was a pocket passer's dream. Just look at the difference between Texas Tech and Troy's offense that past few seasons. Yeah, they are both spread offenses, but you put them together and neither really resembles the other. But assuming that Auburn fans would know the difference between Franklin and Mumme is assuming too much, so let's think about it this way. Saban wants to run the spread. He brought in Major Applewhite to run his offense in year one after courting quite a few other spread gurus, and then once applewhite is gone he goes hot and heavy for Jeff Brohm of Louisville, Chris Hatcher of Georgia Southern, and the OCs from Nebraska and Rutgers (again, too lazy/busy to look them up), all spread offense "gurus," before hiring Jim McElwain, a spread offense guy. So I wonder why Hal Mumme might be in Tuscaloosa? Would it be to, I don't know, maybe give the offensive staff some pointers on running the spread? Or would it be to give Nick Saban, a defensive minded coach (and a vain one at that) that would more likely lean on someone like, say, Bill Belichik, another noted defensive genius, for advice? I'm going with the former on this one since I'm not an idiot that can't put two and two together. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised considering, in the mind of Auburn fans, everything is about them. Alabama hired Saban to beat them, he's bringing in Hal Mumme to figure out how to stop their "spread eagle" offense, blah blah blah. That's just so sad, and one more reason we hate Tennessee and treat Auburn with nothing but contempt and disdain. UT wants to be the best, and beating Alabama is just one step towards that. Auburn just wants to beat Alabama because they so desperately want to be Alabama. Six in a row? We still think you suck, because you're a bunch of whiny punks that can't stand the fact no one gives a crap about your success, only Alabama's failures, and even in victory you're still nothing but an afterthought to the rest of the country.