Disclaimer: This is all in fun and is intended to be a joke. Though most of these feelings are true, none are meant to hurt anyone’s feelings…..
On with the list! Just remember guys I’m not a writer!
Let’s take a look so far at numbers 1-17of the 30 Sports Teams/ Figures that “Grind My Gears”
#1- The Barn: Why not hate them? They are Auburn.
#2- The ACC: Get a team besides FSU to win the BCS National Championship and then come talk to me.
#3- UT: Fat Boy, Puke Orange, and Rocky Top just to name a few.
#4- FSU: Finally the ACC caught up!
#5- The WNBA: Start dunking, then maybe we’ll watch
#6- The USC Trojans- Reggie Bush scandal and my apparent jealousy of everything Trojan!
#7- Notre Dame: Too many reasons to list
#8- Dick Vitale- Yeah Baby! No Baby!
#9- Nascar- round and round we go!
#10 FAMU- When you start caring, we will
#11 Big East- It’s time to step down to the mid majors
#12- The NY Yankees- Steinbrenner and all of his horses
#13- The Florida Gators- Tell me why not?
#14 Les Miles- Douche Bag or not? I’m going with he is…
#15 Ohio State University- The U…you mean the BOOO!!!
#16-Mid Majors- Your “Automatic” bid is a joke
#17- The Atlanta Braves- Sorry your title is tainted….he he he I said taint….
#18- Bill Walton!!
When I decided to not only rip sports teams but also include sports figures, I just had to add this dill-hole to the list. Don’t get me wrong, The Dick is the most annoying sports caster of all time, but Kill the Bill Walton comes in at a close 2nd.
So what about “John Boy” Walton “Grinds My Gears”. Besides just being an all around douche bag, looking goofy as hell, constantly talking about shit no one cars about, his love for everything UCLA and that annoying as hell grin on his face, he just pisses me off. Sorry I had a hard time finishing that sentence with an intelligible thought
This will be my one and only point since it trumps all other reasons for hating this self absorbed bastard (too harsh?). His points drabble during basketball games. I mean the guy sounds like he’s trying to write an epic novel every time he opens his damn mouth. You went to UCLA not Harvard, a-hole. Understand your place in life!
I found this article on the internet and thought it was SO true:
Waltonism (wolt'-un-iz'-um) noun. Relating to or characteristic of comments made by former NBA MVP and current ESPN television analyst Bill Walton. Typically, these are grandiose non sequiturs about a specific player, a particular team, or a team's entire fanbase. Always overstated (often bordering on ludicrous) and sometimes marked by transparent irony, these statements usually take the form of either A) a superlative compliment or B) a hyperderogatory criticism.
Usage example: When my buddy said he thought Lebron James was " the greatest player in every known universe," I accused him of making a Waltonism.
Word Usage: The opinions about Bill Walton and his "highly individualistic" brand commentary are bitterly divided. Regarding the subject of Waltonisms, some have said "he's the biggest douchebag doing color sports commentary on TV," while others think "Bill Walton is absolutely hillarious." Personally, I think that, early in his broadcasting career, Bill's analysis came off as goofy, bumbling, and irrelevant. However, I think he's improved to the point where his color commentary mirrors how people feel about him: half the time he's a douchebag, half the time he's funny, poignant, and (almost) endearing.
Creating your own Waltonism is easy. Simply use the following formula: [Insert Player/Team/Fanbase Name] is [Insert Action -- preferably basketball related] [Insert Superlative or Hypernegative Description]. It's that easy! Remember: the more bizarre, the better. Here are some real life examples to get you started.
"Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody -- from any planet!"
"Eric Piatkowski makes perhaps the greatest defensive play in Clipper history!"
"Patrick Ewing used to be better in every aspect of the game."
The fact is I have no idea why TNT allows this guy to speak. His commentary is just plain awful.
I could go on for days about his love affair with his college coach, his goofy beard in the 70’s, and stuff like that but im busy at work and can’t go that deep. But lets get one thing straight. My list of most annoying sport casters is short but to the point (I can hear the jokes already)..
- The “Dick” Vitale
- Kill Bill Walton
- Bob Costas!!