Win A Copy of Yea Alabama 2008: Haiku Contest

by Nico2.0 on Aug 27, 2008 11:00 AM CDT in Football Comment 64 comments

This painting by Sesshu has nothing to do with haiku, but who cares, it's awesome.

As the resident eccentric here at RBR, I've devised (what I think) is a fun little contest to give away a couple of copies of Yea Alabama 2008 and to get you extra pumped up for the season (like you actually need help at this point.)

Most of us are aware (at least nominally) of the Japanese poetry form of haiku. We tend to think of it as a rote 17 syllable form broken down in three lines of 5-7-5. It's actually much more complex than that and would require more detail to explain than any of you even remotely care about, so let's just assume that the 17 syllable 5-7-5 form is on the money. Additionally, most traditional haiku have nature or natural elements as their central theme. Similar forms exist that deal with non-nature themes and that's really what I'm after. In particular the senryū form of Japanese poetry generally adheres to the 5-7-5 form, but instead of natural themes, senryū is often cynical, darkly humorous and focuses on human failure.

So...forgive the ramblings and poetry lessons and give me your best three line 5-7-5 poem/haiku/senryū about Alabama football. Tell me how Alabama football is awesome, or how Auburn and/or Tennessee suck, praise the virtues of Bryant or talk about Fulmer's Krispy Kreme habit or how Terry Bowden is an asshat.

I can't really explain what I'm looking for other than general awesomeness. That's my main criteria and my decisions are final and unassailable. Humor is a plus, as is biting wit and viciousness towards the enemy (don't hold back...at all.) However, if you write something epic and heavenly about our team, that's cool too. Basically, just get stupid and have fun and two of you are getting a free annual. Oh yeah, make sure the email address you registered on the site with is legit, because that's how I will contact you for shipping information.

ROLL TIDE!

EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that contest closes 36 hours the timestamp on the post.

Make me laugh my ass off and you can have one of these for FREE!

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Awesome idea, Nico

‘Bout time we classed up the place a bit (ha, ha). Here’s my haiku/senryu:

Yea Alabama
Heralds Tide season of joy
While Barners worry

Fat Phil and Tubby
will soon return to rightful
place at Bama’s feet

Brian Cook admit
you were wrong about Saban
or we shave your head

BamaFrazier

by BamaFrazier on Aug 27, 2008 11:14 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

The bar...

The bar has been set ladies and gents!

by Nico2.0 on Aug 27, 2008 11:27 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

never done this before but here it goes

Suck A nut UT
Go straight to hell tommy boy
Bama is back, yea

bryant is the man
twelve champs is all i can say
go weep you barners

Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out alive.

by bammer on Aug 27, 2008 11:38 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Let's see...

Tradition is better
than fake championships
or doughnuts in green boxes

when the cows come home
the graze on Dye
and lay down for Bear

Roll Tide, Bitches!!!

by BamaReturns07 on Aug 27, 2008 11:38 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

oops

the=they

Roll Tide, Bitches!!!

by BamaReturns07 on Aug 27, 2008 11:38 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oh another one

BamaReturns say
true meaning of happiness
is kicking Auburn’s ass

Roll Tide, Bitches!!!

by BamaReturns07 on Aug 27, 2008 11:47 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Just being honest

you suck at this

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 27, 2008 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Never said I was any good.

Just playing along, being a smart ass. what I do.

Roll Tide, Bitches!!!

by BamaReturns07 on Aug 27, 2008 4:13 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

at least

we both can admit that out experties in life is not ~~spelling or~~ writting poetry.

it lies with old school rap artist and out sweet ghetto sleds we got when we were recruited to play ball for alabama-According to clemson

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 27, 2008 4:22 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

HA HA

and drinking. Don’t forget drinking. Probably something to do with women, but I gotta let that one slide for fear of death from the wifey.

I guess I can survive without being a master of haiku. I mean, its my lifelong dream and everything, but…

Had a beer for you last night. Yes, one beer. Diet and all. I am saving all my calories for Saturday, as I plan on waking up in one of several gutters located within 1 block of my complex.

Roll Tide, Bitches!!!

by BamaReturns07 on Aug 28, 2008 6:53 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

here is my weekend plans

Leave tom, Noon. Go to Athens, Ga and go to UGA game tom with friends, same friends to Dome. I know, diet will be shot to hell this weekend as well. Two tailgates, two time the beer intake!

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 28, 2008 8:47 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Here goes the first attempt...

Toilet paper would
Rather be on Tide boxes
Than Toomer’s corner

When I close my eyes
I dream of Bama bowl games
And crystal footballs

Tiggers come to play
Snarling, clawing like big cats
But leave as kittens

I bleed crimson and white...I puke Vol puke orange. RTR

by SugarBowl93 on Aug 27, 2008 11:55 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

First post! Let's make it a haiku...

Tide rolling again
Do not call it a comeback
Been here for years, son.

Game time almost here
Tuscaloosa is jumping
Let’s do this shit boys

Julio is here
Knocking fools on their asses
It’s over baby

by kguner on Aug 27, 2008 12:29 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

All powerful coach
CNS’s face on front
cover of Fortune

Fresh Youtubery
JPW pass to Julio Jones
stiff arm to end zone

Interwebs on fire
Flame war with MGoblogger
CNS prevails

Dixie’s football pride
Plays other Tigers in Dome
Go roll to vict’ry!

by Lawboy on Aug 27, 2008 12:37 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

The Process moves on
Fine young men clad in Crimson
Will be Champions

Auburn faithful ones
Ever more delusional
Worship lying Ears.

by MetallibamA on Aug 27, 2008 1:07 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

lord how i hate orange
…damn

by crbama on Aug 27, 2008 1:13 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Crimson sky rising
Orange swirling downward spiral
Behold Dixies Pride

I wouldn't piss off the boys from Alabama . . .

by I hate UT on Aug 27, 2008 1:27 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Alabama Haiku / Senryu

Crimson Nation stand
Fear not the Tigers and Vols
Dixie’s Pride is back

by RammerJammer23 on Aug 27, 2008 1:35 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Clemson Game Haikus!

A Son of Bowden
Leads his Tigers to slaughter
In a dome of death.

The waters shall rise,
And rushing into the dome,
Vanquish all their foes.

by bamabrian on Aug 27, 2008 1:37 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Untitled

Calm Leaf Falls to Ground
Gentle Rabbit Plays on Dew
L.S.U. sucks balls

by LeftyGunns on Aug 27, 2008 1:46 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

LMAO.

by MetallibamA on Aug 27, 2008 2:36 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

1up

That’s my favorite so far!

by monjardin on Aug 27, 2008 10:27 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

No Way

I was going to give this a shot, but there is no way I can compete with I hate UTs entry. Awesome entry!!!

by Yamez on Aug 27, 2008 2:18 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

thanks

I wouldn't piss off the boys from Alabama . . .

by I hate UT on Aug 27, 2008 3:06 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Champs

CHAMPS

Wallace Frank Paul Gene
I see fingers dressed with rings
Nick is next, thirteen

by ro11t1dero11 on Aug 27, 2008 2:18 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Thats right!!

BAMA.13!!!!

by BAMA.13 on Aug 27, 2008 2:41 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'm in, aight?

Which is the real bear?
Coach Paul William Bryant
Or Terrence Cody?

I guess I’ll say it —
I’m not going to be the
next coach at Bama.

Major Ogilvie
Would have sucked ass, too, under
Major Applewhite

Tommy Tuberville,
Nick Saban’s got your number —
six, on a pine box.

Man, screw the haiku!
Anyone can do this crap…
Better get a life.

by NiceLittleSaturday on Aug 27, 2008 2:30 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

TideKu

A house divided
So we never went to games
Sad, lonely children

by thronedoggie on Aug 27, 2008 3:11 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Bereft in Arizona

Three days ’till Clemson
ABC shows by region -
MSU at Cal?

by thronedoggie on Aug 27, 2008 3:13 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Game Day

Ethel’s made pulled pork
(Diet) Cokes and Golden Flake -
Where’s my houndstooth hat?

by thronedoggie on Aug 27, 2008 3:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Scheduled Programs

Thursday DVD -
Ninety-Three Sugar Bowl game.
Friday – Junction Boys!

by thronedoggie on Aug 27, 2008 3:15 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Championship Row

The Bear stands alone
Three others in attendance -
what’s this empty spot?

by thronedoggie on Aug 27, 2008 3:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Alright, im in on this

Got my drink on so we shall see what happens

Strange new puppies
Smokey has ben busted
Sleeping with a Bulldog

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 27, 2008 3:17 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

wait a minute...

I was doing this on the ESPN SEC board two days ago!
Ya’ll copying me?

On Auburn:

Tied Ole Miss titles
Weak in history and class
spread will always fail

On Tennessee:

state is shaped like poo
Knoxville is nasty city
blow me Fat Phillip

To MGOblog:

You’re really ugly
You’re really fat and ugly
Dude, you’re ugly

by Wallacewade04 on Aug 27, 2008 3:17 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

BAH
redo last one

To MGOblog:

You’re really ugly
You’re really fat and ugly
Dude, you are ugly

by Wallacewade04 on Aug 27, 2008 3:21 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Tonight when you sleep
I will shit into your mouth
Nick said to Tubby

by Tusk on Aug 27, 2008 3:28 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

This time, with feeling...

Yea, Alabama
Just for writing this haiku?
Thanks, RollBamaRoll!

by NiceLittleSaturday on Aug 27, 2008 3:32 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Tommy did you know
Most of all the South has seen
Your daughter naked

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Aug 27, 2008 3:36 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Referring to Tommy Bowden, that is...

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Aug 27, 2008 3:40 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Lol...

I knew exactly what you were referring to, lol. I had almost forgotten about that little episode…

And though I’m sure the posting of the, ahem, relevant information would be, shall we say, frowned upon by RBR and SB Nation, it does give me a great excuse to post this pic:

by outsidethesidelines on Aug 27, 2008 3:46 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

And for the record...

Though my opinion is in no way bearing upon the final decision of the contest, you’d definitely get my vote.

by outsidethesidelines on Aug 27, 2008 3:49 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Thanks OTS...

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Aug 27, 2008 3:59 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Dude...

My boss has a picture of Terry, in that same condition, down here at Judge Roy Beans in Fairhope. Either that’s the same night, or he makes a habit of knocking back too much sauce.

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Aug 27, 2008 4:01 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That...

That photo is actually just half of the original photo edited down with the type placed in. The following is the full-size:

by outsidethesidelines on Aug 27, 2008 4:19 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

nice

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 27, 2008 3:48 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

just wondering

Did you get a chance to see the wonderful picture that is Mrs. Bowdne spread teagle?

Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out alive.

by bammer on Aug 27, 2008 4:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

edit

im sorry that wasn’t nice….i meant to say spread veagle

Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out alive.

by bammer on Aug 27, 2008 4:04 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

no

but a link…….

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 27, 2008 4:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

DID!

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Aug 27, 2008 4:23 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

YOU HAVE...

My vote!! HAHAHAH

by BAMA.13 on Aug 28, 2008 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'll give it a go

Putrid orange hue
Diddy’s son just won’t get fired
Auburn with a lake

Two Kentuckies, two
Mississippis and Tulane?
Our home schedule sucks.

Barbecue nachos
I could eat a thousand pounds
Thank you Big Bad Wolf’s

J.P.W.
Please god let him learn to throw
to crimson jerseys

The Earth she rumbles
somewhere off in the distance
Terrence Cody jogs

by hongrime on Aug 27, 2008 4:11 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Alright here is my offical entry into

this ring of fire.

DuBose, his name
Unzipped Fly his game,
Deborah’s claim to fame

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 27, 2008 4:51 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Crimson Haiku

The Process moves on
Early fall has no depth charts
Little brother cries

All streaks have an end
The smirk fades into stupor
Tides roll forever

Slimevols dress in puke
Classless barners count to six
Crimson Tiders roll

Gloaters have their day
Tradition speaks for itself
Cody wrecks backfields

by California Roll on Aug 27, 2008 5:30 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

To a tubeworm

How utterly quaint
You can count on your fingers!
Bite me, Tuberville

by Mac T on Aug 27, 2008 6:50 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

You know...

We really should have an archive of the greatest threads ever here on RBR. Maybe Todd could make a widget out of it or something. Call it “Required Reading” for the newbies. It would include such classics as this thread, the SEC quarterbacks drinking challenge, and many other fine posts.

Either way, this thread definitely goes into the classics category. You start with a random ass painting, giving away free football preview guides, you get a bunch of football-related haiku, you see Terry Bowden shitfaced drunk, and you end up with Lauren Bowden naked.

It’s a classic folks, no doubt about it.

by outsidethesidelines on Aug 27, 2008 7:55 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

they took

away the link to Lauren Bowden. Not a real big surprise.

Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out alive.

by bammer on Aug 28, 2008 8:20 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

i was very upset

i thought they were going for a more “mature” audience here

Hell, no! A tie is like kissing your sister!

by comer4tide on Aug 28, 2008 8:49 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I understand

Its up setting but if you want to see it again just type “Tommy Bowdens Daughter Naked” into google and its the first link.

Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out alive.

by bammer on Aug 28, 2008 9:32 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

We still love y'all...

…and aren’t mad or anything, but we gotta draw the line somewhere.

by Nico2.0 on Aug 28, 2008 12:21 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

The Tigers are next
Alabama hates furry cats
Beat that orange pussy!

by Whistlin' Dixie on Aug 27, 2008 11:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Champions of lore:
Crimson clad fans, hopes renewed,
Gain glory once more.

Barners are horrid
Their fans? Quite morbid. Next game’s
win, will get sorted.

"Surround yourself with people who can't live without football" - 1st tenet of 3 for Bear Bryant's 3 Rules of Coaching . . . . .

by BixBeiderbecke on Aug 28, 2008 7:21 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Shall I compare thee. . .
As asshats, or perhaps pricks?
Barners, you’re just dicks.

"Surround yourself with people who can't live without football" - 1st tenet of 3 for Bear Bryant's 3 Rules of Coaching . . . . .

by BixBeiderbecke on Aug 28, 2008 7:31 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

you even kept the same rhyme scheme..

nice…

RBR's KING of HIP-HOP...

by SpockJenkins on Aug 28, 2008 5:05 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Dang it!

I know, I know it’s Friday already! But now that I actually what I wrote (because you YOU Spock! you told me something nice and I wanted to know what the fuss was. I NEVER read what I wrote before, you kidding? I’d end up a Bix-hater) so anywaze. . . . . not that I could mind you- but IF I could, I’d change “Dicks” haiku to this:

Shall I compare thee. .
To asshats, or perhaps pricks?
Barners, ya’llr just DICKS.

(ya’llr = 1-syllable, y’know I’m right- you say it wit one syllable too! you know you DO!)

"Surround yourself with people who can't live without football" - 1st tenet of 3 for Bear Bryant's 3 Rules of Coaching . . . . .

by BixBeiderbecke on Aug 29, 2008 10:18 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs