An open letter to Alabama from an Iowan.
by CyHawk on Nov 22, 2009 12:50 AM CST
37 comments
Dear Alabama,
I won't lie and say that I really know much about Alabama football. I know you're really fucking good, I know that you may yet play the Hawkeyes in a BCS game (assuming they don't occupy the kids' table with Boise State), I know you can be found on any given Saturday afternoon on CBS, and that you may yet play for the national title game (to be decided after a grueling fucking conference championship game to be played against the Florida Tebows). I also know what I skimmed from the Wikipedia page about the Crimson Tide that you are one of the oldest and most storied programs in college football, rich with tradition and rivalries, and so on and so forth.
I don't give a shit about any of it. All I want from Alabama is one thing, and that is to thoroughly embarass Auburn.
Seriously, I want Auburn to look like a fucking Div III school out there. I want them laughed off that goddamn field, demoralized and embarassed heading to a bowl game.
Look, I know most of you have no idea where Ames, Iowa is. Iowa State University is a small university in the middle of fucking nowhere who only gets to stay in the Big XII because of our wrestling program and that one time we stumbled into the Elite 8 in basketball. Most of the guys on our team wouldn't even make Alabama's second string, because it's hard to recruit when it's an average temperature of about 10 degrees outside on senior day. We muddle through the mess that is the Big XII north and one time when two other teams tied at 4-4 in the conference with us we managed to snag a share of a division title once.
Anyway, we managed to scrape together 6 wins this season, and are likely headed to the weedwhacker bowl in Shreveport. And we want a piece of Auburn, and we need you to embarass them so that they'll fall as far as the second-to-last-team taken from the SEC.
Basically, for the last two years, Auburn's current coach (Chizik) was our head football coach. And while I can't begrudge the man for grabbing his dream job at Auburn, the way he left was pretty douche-y. To top it off, when he got to Auburn, he fired all the coordinators, including Paul Rhoads.... who is an Iowan native, and is now the 1st year head coach of the Cyclones, and quickly becoming beloved by both fans and players alike.
What better way to get revenge on the guy who fired you than to kick his ass on national television?
So please, from all of us in Iowa to all of you in Alabama,
Roll Tide.
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Roll Tide, good sir.
+1, rec’d.
I don’t need any extra reasons to hate Auburn, but I promise we’ll do our damnedest.
by Espyonage on Nov 22, 2009 1:02 AM CST reply actions 3 recs
Looking forward to it, thanks CyHawk.
"There's a lot of blood, sweat and guts between dreams and success." PBB
by Pachyderm Pride on Nov 22, 2009 1:03 AM CST reply actions
An Auburn v. Iowa state matchup is unlikely according to this article because bowl games are put together with input from the conference and Auburn would not want the matchup.
Don't think so
The Music City or Liberty is very likely the worst that Auburn can do right now. It would take Georgia, Tennessee, and Carolina all winning to get to 7-5 (remember, bowls are obligated to take 7-5 teams over 6-6 teams) to put Auburn on the Independence/Pizza Bowl level, and then the Chick-Fil-A, Music City, and Liberty would have to take three of Arkansas, Kentucky, Carolina, and Georgia ahead of Auburn. Auburn has a larger fanbase than Kentucky and would have less travel than Carolina—don’t see the ’Cats or ’Cocks getting taken ahead of the Tigers.
So it’s probably (though not definitively) a moot point, but on top of that, Gattis isn’t basing his speculation that Auburn “wouldn’t want the matchup” on anything other than his own assumptions. Let’s wait until there’s actual evidence that Auburn’s shirking other teams before tossing accusations around, shall we?
you know
if you insist on hanging out here this week and spouting sense and offering rational input… you are going to put a real crimp on the festivities of hate, jerry.
Roll 'Bama Roll: The Champagne of 'Bama Blogs.
Oh, sorry
You lousy Bammers! Way to Bammer it up around here like a bunch of Bammery Bammers! [Insert mullet reference.]
(Am I doing it right?)
(And for the record: we can all agree this comment wouldn’t sound any smarter if it was over at my place or TET with the word “Barners” instead, right? Right.)
Quit being rational...
…how can I get my hate on, well on, with level headed AU fans posting here. The politeness is making me angry, you would not like me angry. Arghhh….shirt rips…HULK SMASH LEE COUNTY
Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs
You could have listed any reason as to why..
but I support most any statement that involves thoroughly embarrassing AU.
Roll Tide Baby !!!
Dear CyHawk,
Your take on the ALABAMA football history is right on. Glad to see that some people actually do research before writting thoughtless comments. Although you “don’t give a shit” about the history, rest assured that you are wiser and more educated having researched the information.
With the knowledge learned about ALABAMA Football and the hatred expressed about Auburn, you are one step closer to worshipping our Beloved Crimson Tide team also.
As for the request; I too hope that BAMA kicks the shit teeth out of the Auburn team, embarassess the fans ( to the point where they can no longer breed), the state of ALABAMA declares the stadium a “prohibited area” to be used only for artifical insemenation of COW’s and ALL records be purged that has any reference to Auburn.
Should Iowa State University meet / play Auburn in any type of bowl game (or any other sporting event), my support will be for ISU. Hell for that matter, my SECOND favorite team is WHOMEVER is playng against the Barners..
Good Luck on the quest and always,
ROLL TIDE BABY !!!!!
by BigBamaLafayetteLA on Nov 22, 2009 8:28 AM CST reply actions
You had me at
“thoroughly embarass Auburn.”
Will do, Iowan…will do.
I live in Utah but HATE the Utes! Roll TIDE, Roll!
Look, I know most of you have no idea where Ames, Iowa is.
I hear you all have a hell of a concert hall in that town. World renowned pianist Jean-Yves Thibaudet said it’s probably one of the 2-3 best sounding halls in North America FWIW.
But yeah, we’re down with totally humiliating Auburn and will do our best to accommodate. We did it thoroughly last year. Hope we make it two in a row!
OMG this is hilarious!!
I’m laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes!!!!
What makes this even better: is that Auburn fans know an ass whippin’ is coming!!
He bleeds Garnet and Gold, She bleeds Crimson and White. AND THEY BOTH HATE ORANGE! GO NOLES!! ROLL TIDE!!
by gonolesrolltide on Nov 22, 2009 3:57 PM CST reply actions
Good show
Lee Corso: How would you describe tailgating at Alabama?
Kirk Herbstreit: Barbecue and Ralph Lauren
Been to Ames
ex- g/f was from Ames. Loved to party with the ISU folks (most are native Iowegians unlike Iowa, which takes in a lot of kids from Chicago). Good people who did not deserve the way Chizik did that program. Good luck in Shreveport.
"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch
by Stuck in the Plains on Nov 23, 2009 8:38 AM CST reply actions
Watching ISU kick the piss out of auburn and Chene Giznik...
would be 2nd only to watching Alabama kick the piss out of auburn Chene Giznik.
"It would NOT be the game we would want".......
Heard it on WJOX Thursday of last week when from…………. Gene Chizik himself. So put that in your barny barn barn pipe and smoke you it you fat barner troll!!!!
I don't mind bad news, and I don't mind good news, but I can't stand surprises! Coach Nick Saban
I like him...
Nice post.
"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant
Funny stuff.
"So I want everybody to think here for a second, how much does this game mean to you? 'Cause if it means something to you, you can't stand still. You understand? You play fast! You play strong! You go out there and dominate the man you're playing against, and you make his ass quit! That's our trademark! That's our M.O.... as a team! That's what people know us as!" - Coach Nick Saban before the 2008 LSU game.
by 12NationalChampionships on Nov 23, 2009 2:31 PM CST reply actions
For the record...
people don’t call you an “Iowan”, you’re an Iowegian (pronounced I-we-jen) ha ha. I have a lot of family just south of Iowa City and two cousins that graduated form Iowa State.
What I got from this article
Dear Alabama,
Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, yet Fuck Alabama. Yet shit fuck Auburn. Chizik fuck. Cyclones fuckity fuck. Paul Rhodes shit fuck. Beat em.
Cyclones fan
"Jay Jacobs can't go to the bathroom without Bobby Lowder's permission" - Paul Finebaum
I cant stop reading your version, I think I like it better
by Alabama ManDance on Nov 24, 2009 10:50 AM CST up reply actions
and implicit Paul Rhodes condemnation
"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch
by Stuck in the Plains on Nov 24, 2009 12:11 PM CST up reply actions
do your reading skills make it hard for you to communicate?
enjoy...
by SpockJenkins on Nov 24, 2009 11:48 AM CST up reply actions
cut him some slack
he spent the 9 greatest years of his life earning his sociology degree on the plains
"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim
by Thomas Walker Esq on Nov 24, 2009 1:41 PM CST up reply actions
Reminds
me of that South Park episode
"A demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots." -H. L. Mencken
by Bens4vcobra on Nov 24, 2009 12:11 PM CST up reply actions
I was thinking
of THIS CLIP FROM THE MOVIE…DISCLAIMER FOUL LANGUAGE
"Jay Jacobs can't go to the bathroom without Bobby Lowder's permission" - Paul Finebaum
by GumptownTiger on Nov 24, 2009 2:52 PM CST up reply actions
Or
this (same disclaimer)
And, in a related story, this week marked the 5,000th performance of the Broadway musical "Cats." It also marked the 5,000th time a guy turned to his wife and said, "What the hell is this?"
by jd is legend on Nov 25, 2009 1:15 AM CST up reply actions
He was great...
…as Cameron Diaz’s brother in There’s Something About Mary.…
"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban
by NiceLittleSaturday on Nov 27, 2009 10:15 PM CST up reply actions
Have you seen my baseball?
And, in a related story, this week marked the 5,000th performance of the Broadway musical "Cats." It also marked the 5,000th time a guy turned to his wife and said, "What the hell is this?"
by jd is legend on Nov 27, 2009 11:28 PM CST up reply actions
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