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Embarassing Admissions

 

It is that time and now I must bring up the ultimate embarrassing admissions: I was a gator fan when I was a kid. From age 11 to about 16 I was a diehard gator fan. Partly to be different then the rest of my friends who all pulled for Alabama. I never pulled for Auburn or Tennessee and have always hated them.  

I remember being such a big gator fan that my dad took me down to the cowpatch to watch to watch Florida play at Auburn. I will never forget me being upset knowing that the gators had lost the game (1989 AU won 10-7) and this old lady sitting next to me seeing I was not happy offered me her Auburn shaker thinking it would cheer me up. I gave her a death stare then she saw my orange hat said gators on it and I replied no thanks. I will never forget the next year when the gators crushed AU 40-7 in the Swamp.

  The other factor that made me a gator fan was my favorite granddad died in 1989 and he taught at the University of Florida Medical school among all his other accomplishments including being in the CIA and speaking 8 different languages. I always admired him and never really got to know him with him living so far away. After his death I decided in my mind to honor him by pulling for the gators.  

I always pulled for the Tide also but the gators were my team. Once I turned 16 and could drive to games in Tuscaloosa and at the old grey lady, I left the gators in my past and have been just a Tider since. I never have wavered in my hate for Auburn or Tennessee. There is no love left for the gators and I loathe Teboner.  

 

So lets go Tide and beat those dang gators Saturday!!!   Please continue the embarrassing admissions we need these for this win.

FanPosts are just that; posts created by the fans. They are in no way indicative of the opinions of SBN and the authors of Roll Bama Roll.

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I was a gator fan when I was a kid.

Could have stopped there….

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 2, 2009 3:38 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

I know

36-0

"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear

by Bham03UAgrad on Dec 2, 2009 4:09 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I was a Tennessee fan as a kid.

Then I found Jesus.

Terrence Cody didn't like what time the sun came up today. So he reached up, and smacked it down.

by TennesseeTide on Dec 2, 2009 4:00 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Also, in addition to EVERYONE posting admissions,

I think Todd owes the football gods a preemptive sacrifice of a pork brains/vegemite milkshake. Play like a champion, Todd.

Terrence Cody didn't like what time the sun came up today. So he reached up, and smacked it down.

by TennesseeTide on Dec 2, 2009 4:02 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

I actually tried vegemite after

…seeing Todd’s video. I have friends from South Africa who eat it. Let me tell you, there is not a way to describe it other than highly concentrated beef boulion syrup…except thicker than syrup. It is very intense…anyway…figured I’d share…

by akbrown15 on Dec 2, 2009 4:32 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Ok, here's mine...

I’m missing the game to go to a company Christmas Party.

If there was any way out… but there’s not…

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Dec 2, 2009 4:11 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

umm...you got the stomach flu...

your kid is sick
you got a flat tire
your wife is sick
your wife got a flat tire
there’s a bama game on
An auburn fan looked at you funny
etc.etc.etc

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 2, 2009 4:16 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

lol...

….I could think of thousands of excuses not to miss this game…lol

by akbrown15 on Dec 2, 2009 4:34 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Or

Just tell them you don’t really like work and there is no way in hell you would spend any extra time than had to.

Auburn fans are like slinkys... not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

by IHC800 on Dec 2, 2009 4:44 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

but, you might have to bring a box to work

on monday to pack up your desk.

Auburn fans are like slinkys... not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

by IHC800 on Dec 2, 2009 4:48 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I thank God it is actually my work that I will be watching on tv . . .

I work at UA.
BTW, this is going to be the winner for the week. Missing the game for a work Christmas party, holy shit.

I wouldn't piss off the boys from Alabama . . . DBT

by I hate UT on Dec 2, 2009 8:08 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

no kidding

they better have a TV and SHIT TON of booze on hand, or i sure wouldn’t be there.

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 2, 2009 10:50 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

check and check

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Dec 3, 2009 10:39 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Wow.

I guess I’ve never worked somewhere that you had to go to something so trivial. I think I would change jobs as soon as possible. Not because I missed one game, but because I would never want a job that owned me.

I hate the NCAA more than UT & AU combined. At least with UT & AU you got a fighting chance.

by 5026 on Dec 2, 2009 4:20 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Food on the table = Priority #1.

No, it’s not life or death, but it’s one of those things that’s in my best interest to be there.

Sucks no less, but it is what it is.

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Dec 2, 2009 4:30 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

been there...

ridiculous bench and bar conferences 200 miles away that chew up a whole…having to drink during the week with managing a-holes, ice fishing (In Minnesota, in Jan) with obnoxious senior partners, etc…

Food and mortgages = real life fail.

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 2, 2009 4:33 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I feel your pain, my friend. I missed most of the Va Tech game for a work party…only this one was 80’s themed, and they promised me a TV (which never appeared).

Thankfully I left at halftime and found my way to a party full of Bama fans with their priorities straight.

by Queen of the Universe on Dec 2, 2009 9:16 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

lol

i just got a huge laugh ‘picturing’ you walking into a bama party with your ’80s gear on

"You have to create 6 seconds of hell each play..."
Coach Nick Saban

by LittleSis on Dec 3, 2009 8:03 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

missing going to the game is one thing, but

what kind of a company Christmas Party won’t at least have the game on somewhere?

by atcrawford on Dec 2, 2009 4:46 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

A company that's international...

and where your bosses on the other side of the pond are spending $10K+ each in order to participate in your black tie affair of a Christmas Party simply in order to maintain and promote comradery.

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Dec 2, 2009 8:50 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

damn, black tie corporate chirstmas party in this economy?

must be a respectable gig afteral. i dont blame ya but i sure do feel for ya.

The closest i’ve come to stuff like that is “team builder outings” with soem of the peers, but at least we got to drink and were on the clock, also those things are usually on a wednesday (maybe 3 of em in the last 2 years)….

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 2, 2009 10:54 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

seriously..

just email me your address and ill come and punch a hole in your tires…problem solved.

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 2, 2009 4:50 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

H1N1

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 2, 2009 5:29 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Also, wouldn't a company Christmas party start

sometime around the end of a 4pm game? You should be able to watch the entire game and then you can be the life of the party because you’ll already be smashed from the start.

I smell a promotion in your future, my friend!

by skigator93 on Dec 2, 2009 7:55 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

That's the goal.

I love Bama, and could probably rattle off more useless information about the University and it’s storied football program more than 95% of anybody, but unfortunately, Bama doesn’t pay my bills, and it’s participating in crap like this that’s gonna add up come promo time.

It’s all about that dolla dolla bill, y’all.

"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant

by TopDaddy on Dec 2, 2009 8:54 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I once...

Woke up naked…in an oak tree. About 20 feet above the ground. Long story.

"You have to create six seconds of hell, every time the ball is snapped..."
-Nick Saban

by KongAtTheGates on Dec 2, 2009 5:05 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Ditto...

Only replace “an oak tree” with “New Jersey.”

by TexaninNYC on Dec 2, 2009 5:16 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

shrooms? Yeah thats happened to me..

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 8:53 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

All right, this is a big game-

I once, after losing an ill-advised bet, had to wear my then-girlfriend’s undergarments for a full day of classes. Let’s just leave it at that.

by TexaninNYC on Dec 2, 2009 5:17 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

I did that with one girl for fun

I woudn’t recommend it. It makes the jewels go numb.

MATRIX: Bennett, I thought you were--

BENNETT: Dead? You thought wrong. Ever since you had me thrown out of the unit, I've been waiting to pay you back. Do you know what today is, Matrix? Payday.

by Bamagrad on Dec 2, 2009 7:39 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

You've...

….led quite a life.

Roll Bama Roll - The Champagne of Bama Blogs.

by Todd on Dec 2, 2009 7:40 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

The funny thing is, I'm a homebody now

MATRIX: Bennett, I thought you were--

BENNETT: Dead? You thought wrong. Ever since you had me thrown out of the unit, I've been waiting to pay you back. Do you know what today is, Matrix? Payday.

by Bamagrad on Dec 2, 2009 7:58 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Between the ages of 3 and 5

my CB handle, which I was quite proud of, was the wiennie eater.

I REALLY want to win this game.

by STLbama on Dec 2, 2009 5:18 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

between 3-5??

What 3 or 5 year old has a CB Handle? lol

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 8:55 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

My dad

had a cb in his truck and so did my grandfather. So my handle was only used to talk to my grandfather from my dad’s truck. Thankfully. :)

by STLbama on Dec 3, 2009 9:00 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

rec'd

puking is not really that big of a deal. puking at Disney World? bigger deal. puking out of a speeding monorail, potentially hitting people below, at disney world? thats a story!

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 3, 2009 2:06 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

My nickname in high school

was Bush because of my stupid permed bob haircut. My "friends’ thought it was hysterical.

"You either have to be first, best or different." ~ Loretta Lynn

by SoundCheckMama on Dec 2, 2009 6:32 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

thought? It was hysterical!

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 8:56 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I had a frizzy perm in '83

I live in Utah but HATE the Utes! Roll TIDE, Roll!

by UtahBammer on Dec 2, 2009 6:52 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

2 years ago at the University,

I may have had a (small) role in the procurement of certain illicit psychaldelic substances for a certain coach’s son in exchange for a signed football, whereupon said coach’s wife found out about said son’s substance(s) use and sent said son to rehab shortly thereafter. Football Gods, please take my admission as a willing sacrifice unto Thee

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 2, 2009 7:28 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

and football gods,

pleeeeease don’t tell Terry

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 2, 2009 9:40 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Oh, so that explains you as Hunter S.

Gottcha.

I wouldn't piss off the boys from Alabama . . . DBT

by I hate UT on Dec 2, 2009 8:12 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

actually,

I just had a really good Halloween, and my other costume was mildly inappropriate as an avatar

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 2, 2009 8:28 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

This one is not safe for the eyes or ears, but Good Lord, do I want a win on Saturday…

In my prepubescent days, I was desperate to see some type of female parts in any way I could. So being the genius that I was, I figured out that we had a pay-per-view channel that broadcast dirty movies. However, it didn’t come in clear at all, was quite snowy and would constantly flicker. This didn’t stop me.

So one night after my parents went to bed, I had that urge. The problem was I didn’t have a TV in my room and I had to settle for the TV in my living room. I sneak in and I tune into the PPV channel. Awesome. I think I can see a boob or two, maybe some more goods.

Suddenly, I hear someone coming down the hall from my parents bedroom. Oh sht! I try to pull up my pants and change the channel at the same time, unsuccessfully. I’m falling on the floor trying to get my pants up from around my ankles as quickly as possible when my mom walks in, realizes what’s going on, and I receive the biggest lecture on ungodliness of my life.

Most awkward situation of my life and one of the most embarrassing. We better win!

by brandonh on Dec 2, 2009 8:46 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

FTMFW, hands down...

no pun intended….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 2, 2009 9:58 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

And you never attempted the deed again. ;~}

I live in Utah but HATE the Utes! Roll TIDE, Roll!

by UtahBammer on Dec 2, 2009 10:17 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I have a story like this also

but I think I used it last year.

MATRIX: Bennett, I thought you were--

BENNETT: Dead? You thought wrong. Ever since you had me thrown out of the unit, I've been waiting to pay you back. Do you know what today is, Matrix? Payday.

by Bamagrad on Dec 3, 2009 9:27 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I think we all watched scrambled porn...

……maybe didnt get caught….but I have definitely viewed some squiggly line boobs….lol….

Alabama is going to take this game! Roll Tide!

by akbrown15 on Dec 3, 2009 9:31 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

oh squiggle line boobs...

you nurtured me through adolescence you did…

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 3, 2009 2:09 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

thank god my dad had VHS porn!!!

" I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them."

by SDBama78 on Dec 4, 2009 10:37 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

At this girl's debutant ball

This guy I went to school with had a video camera. I borrowed it, and to mess with him I recorded a bunch of stupid, embarrassing stuff (was partially drunk). Come to find out later that it wasn’t actually the dude’s camera… It was the girl’s father’s camera.

What you're seeing is team spirit. It's like the Holy Spirit, but more powerful.

-Hank Hill

by Zoltar on Dec 2, 2009 10:36 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

In the same vein of the OP...

…from the year’s ‘83-’86…wait for it…I was an AUB. I know, I know, it is most shameful. I was 12 when this sorry period of my life took place. After Bryant died, I temporarily lost my connection with BAMA . To a young lad, Bryant WAS BAMA. I also hated Perkins. Met Bryant on two occasions and he was generous with a young kid. Perkins was an a-hole when I met him. I also had been to AU’s campus just prior to my straying. These are my only excuses for my temporary insanity. What actually makes this worse, my brother’s senior season with BAMA was under Perkins. So for one year, while my brother was on the team, I pulled for the enemy. I came back to my senses for the ’86 season and never even thought about straying again. I can only hope that St Peter does not cite this as an unforgivable sin. Yes, I want this game os, so badly to dreg this admission out into the light of day.

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 2, 2009 11:50 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

so, bamachine and bham03uagrad,

how do boogers actually taste?

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 3, 2009 12:01 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Never pulled for the boogs but let me tell you jorts never look good on a dude.

36-0

"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear

by Bham03UAgrad on Dec 3, 2009 9:43 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

They taste...

…like misery and envy

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 3, 2009 4:36 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

My admission

I absolutely hated watching Tyler Watts play for Bama b/c i played at Thompson the same years he played at Pelham our rivals and it royally pissed me off he went there. I am also embarrassed that i found great pleasure in the predicament he found himself in while he was there. One should never put self over team :( sorry.

"There's a lot of blood, sweat and guts between dreams and success." PBB

by Pachyderm Pride on Dec 3, 2009 5:43 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Did Thompson get beat by Montevallo....

 While you were there? Cause THAT would be an embarrassing admission, too….

"Only the strong survive , but the strong still get their [fannies] whipped." Coach Nick Saban

by RocksinBama on Dec 3, 2009 4:40 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Anyone losing to Montevallo during that time period would be quite embarrassing. Heck, even today it would be.

by CountryBoy on Dec 3, 2009 9:47 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

oh

hell no, i don’t remember them even scoring, ever.

"There's a lot of blood, sweat and guts between dreams and success." PBB

by Pachyderm Pride on Dec 3, 2009 11:26 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I'm pretty sure we did.....

 Once…. by accident… :) Shontu Ray and Dre Fulgham were there, and both of them played pretty well. Of course, now Montevallo gets stomped by Calera regularly, and back in the day that was our ONLY whipping boy team.

"Only the strong survive , but the strong still get their [fannies] whipped." Coach Nick Saban

by RocksinBama on Dec 4, 2009 7:42 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

2 for the price of 1

On a trip to Mexico, I became VERY ill. The local doc gave me a shot to stop the projectile vomiting. He said the shot would work for about 4-6 hours and gave me some yellow capsules to take after that for back up. I fell asleep in the plane and the flight to Dallas landed about 6 hours after the shot. I was feeling pretty queasy, so I took 2 of the yellow capsules and disembarked. In the airport, I was feeling worse while standing in line with hundreds of people. I approached the Customs agent (in his nice black uniform) and asked him if I could get out of line to go to the eladies room because I felt sick. He bellowed at me to get back in line and that no one could go anywhere until clearing customs. His raised voice had drawn all eyes to me as I involuntarily shot a stream of yellow vomit right down the front of his formerly black uniform. He reversed his decision and allowed me out of line and the hundred or so spectators were quiet, until they all started laughing.

Next, I will spend the game in the James Martin Natatorium, (yes, Auburn’s) where the AHSAA high school championship swim meet will be taking place and my daughter will be swimming. God loves irony.

marycontrary

by adeleswims on Dec 3, 2009 6:48 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

I've agreed

To root for Bama in a non-bowl game. Lord have mercy. ;-)

Tennessee Fans: We win at teh Internet!

by bobo_the_vol on Dec 3, 2009 7:17 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

There is hope for your soul...

I live in Utah but HATE the Utes! Roll TIDE, Roll!

by UtahBammer on Dec 3, 2009 7:28 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Really,

it only makes up for the bama fans who’ve admitted to rooting for the Boogs early in their lives. But it still does do that, so well take it!

I bleed crimson and white...I puke Vol puke orange. RTR

by SugarBowl93 on Dec 3, 2009 9:42 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

You know you want to...

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 8:45 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

i think you just got

banned for RTT…

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 8:58 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs


RIP

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 8:04 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

umm...

pretty sure there’s a “different strokes” pun here. This one’s a winner.

by Queen of the Universe on Dec 3, 2009 8:26 AM CST up reply actions   1 recs

I see thou art...

…from my generation. I also lusted after the Plato. As far as the squiggly line boobs mentioned earlier, we did not have cable/sat when I was growing up. We had an antennae and got about 7 channels(3 from Chatt, 3 form ATL and chan 7 Alabama Public TV from Cheaha). We had to use our imaginations or the handy Sears catalog, women’s underwear section.

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 3, 2009 4:42 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Didn't get cable until I was 12...

until then, it was APTV, GaPTV, and the local channels out of Chattanooga (lived on top of Lookout Mtn).

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 5:12 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I still live on top of Lookout Mtn

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 3, 2009 5:20 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

This one is good for at least two pick 6’s…

by atlpeach on Dec 3, 2009 8:58 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

O.....M.........G.........

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 9:00 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

So when people comment on how 'suave' you are...

…what they’re really saying is, don’t use the ‘Tropical Coconut’ shampoo at your house….

This is the most embarrassing admission I’ve yet to read…chicken dinner and all that….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 9:05 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Also...

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 9:07 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Back in the day

Suave was anything but natural…

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 12:32 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Hahahah. I thought I was embarrassed…you are the winnar!!

by brandonh on Dec 3, 2009 12:21 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

wow. just wow.

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 3, 2009 2:13 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

almost forgot!

+1 internet to you good sir!

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 3, 2009 2:13 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Holy Crap

I’m calling Urban now – he might as well cancel the team flight up…..

The fact that SITP did not end up some sort of serial killer means that he is probably one of the coolest cats you could ever meet. You aren’t a serial killer are you?

As the myor would say, “100 (enemy) cocktails to you, sir.”

by skigator93 on Dec 3, 2009 3:16 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Not a serial killer...

just nursed a good, wholesome American sex drive with good, wholesome American can-do to disastrous consequences.

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 3:54 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

oh my

i am in tears!

"You have to create 6 seconds of hell each play..."
Coach Nick Saban

by LittleSis on Dec 3, 2009 8:13 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

While at Tuscaloosa (Long Old Story)

I went to a pledge swap with the Chi O’s. Picked up a little honey, went back to the fraternity house, drank immense quantities of what ever. Was woken up by a security guard laying naked with her on a picnic table inside the Bryce hospital campus. For those of you that don’t know, this is or at least used to be the state hospital for the un-firm of mind. The security guard told us to get dressed and get out. I asked him how he had found us. He turned his flashlight toward the road and pointed. My car was sitting in the middle of the road, both dooes were open, head lights and inside lights were blazing and the car was still running. As he panned the flashlight back to us, I saw a string of clothes running in a straight line from to car to the picnic table. I was embarressed, but he was fairly happy. She was right fine looking. Needless to say, I never saw her again.

I have been watching a whole lot of TV and newspaper coverage down here in Gator Land (Orlando) and am feeling better and better about our ability to win. Roll Bama Roll. Kick ass and take names. I will be doing my best to keep from having a heart attack.

by FloraBama on Dec 3, 2009 8:08 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Boo!

There is absolutely nothing embarrassing about this admission at all (except for her, of course)….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 9:08 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

OH, DEAR GOD!

I live in Utah but HATE the Utes! Roll TIDE, Roll!

by UtahBammer on Dec 3, 2009 10:43 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Awesome!

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 12:24 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Holy HELL!!

That just covered your admissions for the next three seasons..

WINNER!

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 12:26 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Sweet baby Jesus in heaven that’s soo wrong.

by brandonh on Dec 3, 2009 12:27 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Now that...

…is a perfect embarrassing admission. Well done, sir. Hats off to you and your…um…ladies….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 2:27 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Huge recovery

It’s like you missed a layup, but then got your own rebound and dunked on Shaq’s head.

My question is how could you ever use the earlier story first? Were you sandbagging and saving the second for the BCSCG??!?!

by skigator93 on Dec 3, 2009 3:21 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

forgot about that one...

some of these are priceless…im just wondering what the hell people will admit too for a NC?

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 3:23 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Todd's apparently got something more awful than "higher"

/tweedle weedle wee

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 3:57 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

i would say it's "party in the USA"

but we all know Todd actually enjoys that one

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 3, 2009 3:59 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I have lived a very long and interesting life

I hate to admit it, but I have a bunch more saved up for the NC game – and these were tame compared to those.

by FloraBama on Dec 4, 2009 9:08 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

when I was in 5th grade...

I went to school in white shorts with white and purple-striped underwear underneath. People followed me around snickering until lunch, when a teacher spotted what was happening and sent me to the office. My mom worked farther away than my dad, so he had to leave his job as DC of a hospital to go home and get me some less see-through shorts.

by Queen of the Universe on Dec 3, 2009 8:44 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Not exactly pulling out the big guns for this game, are we?

Now, if instead of 5th grade, you said it happened last week….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 9:10 AM CST up reply actions   1 recs

It's all I could think of!!!

If you think it’ll help I could probably manage to make it happen tomorrow…

by Queen of the Universe on Dec 3, 2009 10:39 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

mine is more musical and I have two

I always tell people my first concert was to see Nirvana and the breeders at Boutwell Auditorium while that was my first rock show my first concert in fact was a new kids on the block show. The second one was Baak Gwai the other band I was in for a while was playing at zydeco in Birmingham with Bobby Bear Jr and the Walkmen. It was a big show and I was really amped for it. I got off work and had to Hurry to get up there for sound check so I ran home a grabed a t-shirt off the floor and hit the road. Get there sound check start getting really nervous a start to drink. Its almost time for us to play and I realize that I am still wearing my work shirt so I run to the van and get my “cool” t-shirt . I slap that on and hit the stage and when we get done we are back stage and one of the other bands ask me what happened with my shirt. Perplexed I look down and it looks like there in snot all over it and I think where did all this snot com from and thats when the gears start turning. That shirt had been on the bed and it was the victim of a heavy dose of man Spackle and then was brushed to the floor. So I played this show at a packed house with a shirt that looked more like a money shoot at the end of a porn then a t-shirt. The guys never let me live that down.

by chinesedentist on Dec 3, 2009 9:15 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

"Man Spackle"

bwahahahaha

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 12:25 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I have dozens of nude pictures of my wife

Many of them are in poses, like you’d see in a XXX magazine, and there are others that just focus on her butt. We also have movies.

Anyway, being the perverts that we are, we watch a lot of videos and I have sent her pictures to some well known lesbian pornstars so they could evaluate my wife and her assets. Only one of the pornstars replied and she expressed a lot of interest in my wife, but I have not yet told my wife this.

This is one reason I am slightly uncomfortable when her parents come to visit. If only they knew their daughter had married a sexual deviant what we did for fun.

Sadly, the story above is only the tip of the iceberg.

MATRIX: Bennett, I thought you were--

BENNETT: Dead? You thought wrong. Ever since you had me thrown out of the unit, I've been waiting to pay you back. Do you know what today is, Matrix? Payday.

by Bamagrad on Dec 3, 2009 9:20 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

pics, or it didn't happen...

…just kidding…kind of…no, really, kidding…I think….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 9:28 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Thong or bare butt?

MATRIX: Bennett, I thought you were--

BENNETT: Dead? You thought wrong. Ever since you had me thrown out of the unit, I've been waiting to pay you back. Do you know what today is, Matrix? Payday.

by Bamagrad on Dec 3, 2009 9:30 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Yes.

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 9:39 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

"boy" shorts

and classic bikini cut please.

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 3, 2009 2:17 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

+1 to the boy shirts

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 3:57 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Jesus Christ guys

go to tube8.com or something

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 3, 2009 3:58 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Do you not know...

…that as members of the male sex, we must see all members of the female sex naked.

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 3, 2009 5:19 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Where is that Suave shampoo bottle?...

I live in Utah but HATE the Utes! Roll TIDE, Roll!

by UtahBammer on Dec 3, 2009 10:45 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Okay guys I have been coming to this site for two years now. I have just recently signed up to give my admission because i really want to win this game. So here goes…… I was on my way to pick my date up our first date and i was nervous (soon to be wife) when my stomach started rumbling….i thought it was just gas so i was gonna ease a lil out and i crapped in my pants……i was pulling up at her house about this time so i couldn’t turn back…. And it wasn’t a check wipe crap…..it was a gusher….so when i went in the house, I went straight to the bathroom ….i took off my underwear and put them in my jacket pocket….I some how eased them out before she got into my vehicle. She never found out about it and i have never told her.

by HighTIDE-HJ on Dec 3, 2009 11:21 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Worth

At least 2 Tebow sacks – good job

by FloraBama on Dec 3, 2009 11:50 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

wow..

nice way to introduce yourself to the interwebs ;)

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 12:24 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Good job

Welcome…

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 12:26 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Call it...

…beginner’s luck if you will, just call it a winner…beautifully done….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 2:30 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

the best i can come up with

When I was a freshman at Southern Miss, a group of my friends decided to rent out a hotel (motel) room for my 19th birthday. Hattiesburg is a terribly boring town, and while I could drink at the bars, I was pretty much over it. As the night ran in to the midnight hours, me and all my friends were pretty trashed, as college freshman often get. Since my friends were all pretty much done, I had began talking to some guys staying in the room next to us, who were in town working and were looking for a good bar to go to. I rounded up the last of my two friends who were still standing and we headed out. I had made the mistake of mentioning to the out of town gentleman that it was my birthday…being a minor, I told them that it was my 21st. So they told everyone in the bar, and the bartender asked me what my favorite shot was. To this day I do not know why…but my answer was tequila. I dont know how many shots of tequila I did that night…but I know it was too many. A girl that I had been having casual relations with picked me up from the bar and gave me a ride to my dorm, but before we made it back, i hurled all over the inside and some of the outside of her car. Needless to say, we haven’t spoken since. I managed to unlock the door and make it into the dorm hall, but I wound up on the wrong floor, on the wrong end of the hall, and trying to climb into someone else’s bed…while he was in it. The RA led me down to my room, where I then vomited (and I’m pretty sure I urinated) in my own bed and slept in it until morning. I thought about submitting this last year but i thought it was just too embarassing to submit. Let’s hope it puts us over this year.

ROLL TIDE!!!

I just hate Tennessee...I can't stress that enough.

by rammerjammer7 on Dec 3, 2009 12:12 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

That's good...

but I think almost everyone who went to college has a freshman year story like that.

by Bama philosophe on Dec 4, 2009 7:53 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

No badge of honor here.

I was 17at the time when I went out partying.Well I was so hammered off the whiskey and weed,and it must have been the 2 am Krystals or Taco Bell,I can’t remember.At the time I was living in a townhouse,well my stomach went rumbling as soon as my friend dropped me off.I opened the door,attempted to run upstairs to the bathroom.Well my bowels had other ideas halfway up the stairs.
Yes I crapped in my pants,sad thing about it I was so drunk I forgot about the bathroom too my right as I was heading up the stairs.
I just ran like hell trying to get upstairs,epic fail!
Gotta love Mom though,she washed my heavily soiled underwear and Levi’s before I woke up hungover that afternoon,and never asked what happened.
That’s 10 point’s right there.

by Crimsoncaller on Dec 3, 2009 12:44 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

I just want this win so bad!! It hurt like hell last year and anything I can do to help the tide pull through!!

by HighTIDE-HJ on Dec 3, 2009 12:57 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

I've only broken one bone in my life...

and it was when I shattered my ankle trying to jump a Razor scooter off a curb in a church parking lot. The best part is that it was a kind of wacky, tongue-speaking non-denominational church, and one of the congregation came out and prayed over me while we waited for my dad to come, telling me that I would be healed right there and walk again by the power of the lord.

by Darby Up The Middle on Dec 3, 2009 12:58 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Not too bad but, should be worth PBU.

Freshman yr at Alabama, I was that really bad pledge that would never show up for morning cleanings at the Frat house. I was the one that usually got the whole class some basement time and this was also before the hazing hotline when they used to beat the every living shat out of me with paddles. My secret hiding spot was Tutweiler(sp). I used to go crash at this chicks room for a day or so bc the actives were scouting out my apartment. Well, lets just say that I needed to get a shower and going to Preston Place was not an option. So She runs watch out and tells me the shower in Tut was all clear. So I hop on in. Fortunately and not so fortunately they do have stalls but about the time I start two chicks hop in the stall next to me so my first reaction was to get the hell out ASAP. Well, I hung my towel on the rack about 3 feet away ( just out of arms reach. So I decide its now or never. I break for it about the time a chick comes in to see the 3 inch killer in all its glory. She preceded to scream and the two chick that are already in there get to see my not so white arse. All the beatings had turned into a black/blue cracked puss dripping mound of flesh. As am setting a new record for the forty I hear one say, what was wrong with his ass, then the other said must have been an STD.

Auburn fans are like slinkys... not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

by IHC800 on Dec 3, 2009 1:10 PM CST reply actions   1 recs

ass worts FTW!!!!

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 3, 2009 2:19 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

looked a lot worse

than ass worts.

also I really need to start proof reading.

Auburn fans are like slinkys... not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

by IHC800 on Dec 3, 2009 2:39 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Good stuff...

ass worts and 3 inch killer….

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 3:59 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I thought that

was average :), Had every girl been lying to me?

Auburn fans are like slinkys... not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

by IHC800 on Dec 3, 2009 2:17 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

That's when you tell them

“baby, that’s 7 inches”

Thank god for chick math!

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 4:00 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Going along with the whole..

shiting on ones self angle…

When i was about 17, i was spending the night at a good friends house. It was towards the end of Spring Break and i had been laid up with a terrible case of the shits all week….I was feeling better by friday and decided i would venture out away from the jon and try to enjoy a few days of what was left of Spring Break.

My friend was having a small get together with all kinds of food and a large assortment of alcohol. (his parents were really cool) After knocking back more than my fair share of drinks, my Inebriation made me forget of my stomach issues. So, in my stupidity, I began to down pizza as if it were going out of style…

Later that night, i remember feeling gas building up and decided to “let one loose”…needless to say..i completely shit my pants, i mean..it was bad..luckily it was really late and most people were passed out..i didn’t have a car at the time so driving home wasn’t an option. I had to remove my under garments, wrap them in a trash bag and try to clean my jeans as best i could (yes i was wearing boxers). Though i did my best, the smell never went away. I had to walk around the next morning with my jacket around my waist cause you know…there was a stain..

On the way home, my parents kept asking “What is that terrible stench?” I kept saying “It must be the cows” (we lived out in the country)….As far as i know…no one figured it out..

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 1:44 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

On a side note

Is Hey Coach on tonight?I knew they were moving it cause of the big game.I thought Tom said a special Thursday night show.

by Crimsoncaller on Dec 3, 2009 1:52 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

oh god. i have a really really disturbing gross one. not sure if i should post. it involves young love, young anatomy, blood, and embaresment.

lots of blood though…. like it’s total NSFW due to content. if y’all think it’s okay i’ll post.

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 3, 2009 2:22 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

By all means! We all bothers heah.

I live in Utah but HATE the Utes! Roll TIDE, Roll!

by UtahBammer on Dec 3, 2009 2:24 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Let her rip, tater chip!

I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose!

by CousinEddie on Dec 3, 2009 2:41 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

as long as there are no pics it is sfw. If it is that bad please send pics to some one other than me.

36-0

"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear

by Bham03UAgrad on Dec 3, 2009 2:46 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Wow...

…can hardly type…you guys really want this win…I dunno if I can read anymore of these today…and FTW….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 3, 2009 2:53 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

......

……….(shakes head)……..you win

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 3, 2009 3:01 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Winner

that admission should take us thru 2010.

I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose!

by CousinEddie on Dec 3, 2009 3:07 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Wow....

….I signed up just to say that was f*cking incredible.

by LTHL VNM on Dec 3, 2009 3:05 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Wow. That is absolutely awful. From awesome to awful in a matter of a seconds. FTW.

If we dont win after that. I dont want to know what the football gods want.

36-0

"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear

by Bham03UAgrad on Dec 3, 2009 3:05 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

the next logical step

is everyone’s first-born

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 3, 2009 3:08 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

what do you do

if you don’t have a first born?

by LTHL VNM on Dec 3, 2009 3:11 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Kill an

Auburn fan

Auburn fans are like slinkys... not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

by IHC800 on Dec 3, 2009 4:18 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

great story..

guarantees a win…but dude…that sucks…every mans dream went down the drain in a blaze of fore skin and blood…sshhit..

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 3:22 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Yeah

this definitely takes the cake. My loins hurt (in a really NOT good way) while reading this. I might need a few days of celibacy after reading your story.

MATRIX: Bennett, I thought you were--

BENNETT: Dead? You thought wrong. Ever since you had me thrown out of the unit, I've been waiting to pay you back. Do you know what today is, Matrix? Payday.

by Bamagrad on Dec 3, 2009 4:00 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Simply phenomenal...Winner

How does one top “Rosemary’s Baby around my junk”?!

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 4:05 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I honestly

don’t know how to feel after reading that. +1 Sir. +1.

Auburn fans are like slinkys... not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

by IHC800 on Dec 3, 2009 4:19 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

We should create

a “MOST Embarrassing Admission” trophy for this one. Amazingly embarrassing story. Well done sir. I’m feeling much more confident about our chances on Saturday now.

by STLbama on Dec 3, 2009 4:34 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

You sir...

…have come close to the story I was gonna use for the BCSCG. Oh well, I am sure someone will step up for that game. As I am sure mine will pale in comparison to yours.

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 3, 2009 5:16 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Good story.

You are the RBR MVP.

by crimsontsunami on Dec 3, 2009 7:39 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

The funniest
  1. I have ever read! OMG I was in tears!

by lbdasdog on Dec 3, 2009 10:08 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

The more you know....

1) As a woman, I’ve never even heard of this…so this is the equivalent of breaking the hymen, I guess.

2) I promise to circumcise any male children I may have in the future just to have them avoid this…

by atlpeach on Dec 3, 2009 10:28 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Just say no to male genital mutilation

that is all

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 10:29 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

please dont

as weird as it sounds, i love my foreskin. you know it has over 10,000 soft touch nerve cells per square inch? the skin on the “crown” or head of the penis has about 100 to 200 soft touch nerve cells per square inch. the foreskin is very similar to a clitoris, removing it will change the way the person who had it done experiences sex, it essentially takes the most sensitive part of the penis away from the boy. you dont want to do that….

the “problem” with foreskin in this society (the USA, pretty much no one else still practices female or male circumcision) is just that most women are unfamiliar with uncircumcised penises, they might think they “look weird” or whatever and that causes shame to the guys who have one, but really it’s a small price to pay for being able to retain the most sensitive part of your sex organs.

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 4, 2009 1:51 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

And it's mutilation of an infant

for no reasons other than outdated “science” that was used as a post-hoc justification for 3000 year old superstitions.

Just say no to MGM

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 4, 2009 3:57 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

don't knock the Jews

they were traveling through the desert, they had to come up with some way to keep the sand outta there…..

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 4, 2009 4:03 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

oh, wasn't knocking anyone

But you nailed it…it was mutilation to set a people apart/recognize there own, akin Maori ritual scarification…

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 4, 2009 4:30 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

You know...

…they don’t even require both parents to sanction a circumcision. I think the mother’s word alone is enough.

by Nico2.0 on Dec 4, 2009 4:31 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Painfully, I do know...

Mom alone approved it…DAMN YOU MOM!!!

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 4, 2009 5:20 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

how bout the fact

that it eliminates invasive penile cancer, decreases uti’s and urological problems, and generally doesn’t frighten American females?

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 4, 2009 5:31 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

american females like to be frightened sometimes....

and UTI’s urological problems? thats total mythology man. as long as you take showers you’re fine. it’s not tricky.

i dont know about “invasive penile cancer” or how it could possibly correlate to decreasing the chances of contracting it. but i do know that there is no other part of the male anatomy that has nearly as many soft touch nerve receptor cells, and i dont think those cells being in that place was an evolutionary accident and especially not a liabilty as the “science” claims to suggest it is.

simply put foreskin isn’t the problem. the american cultural view of foreskin is the problem. it is very much akin to female circumcision, and it is completely unnecessary from a medical standpoint.

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 4, 2009 7:39 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I was at a xmas party last weekend and a group of females were

dying laughing because a mexican hat serving dish somehow looked like a uncut dick. That pretty much sums up how most females feel about uncircumcised guys. It stinks but that is how it is in our society.

36-0

"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear

by Bham03UAgrad on Dec 4, 2009 9:33 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

b/c I know

I recognize my friends and family by looking at their dicks

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 4, 2009 4:39 PM CST up reply actions   1 recs

Mine's the one casting shadows like an oak tree!

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 4, 2009 5:21 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

anteater

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 4, 2009 7:45 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

also, to point #1.

yep.

for the next five days there is nothing in my heart but hate. pure, untempered, ice-cold hate. fond memories are for saturday. - Kleph

by tempebamafan on Dec 4, 2009 1:51 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

hmmm....

complete winner… now im hurting

" Chuck Norris Fears Only One Thing... Terrence Cody"

by parrotheadinbama on Dec 4, 2009 4:17 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

10 POINTS

Now that is how its done! Great one!! We want some more!! We want some more!!!

by HighTIDE-HJ on Dec 3, 2009 3:48 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

As per a more recent Thread....

My embarrassing admission is that I actually like Rocky Top. It’s a good song. feel free to tar and feather me.

"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." - Mark Twain

by Stu from Tuscaloosa on Dec 3, 2009 4:39 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

:)

"The goal is to be a champion," Saban said. "I didn’t say to win a championship. I just said be a champion. That’s our goal here. That’s what we want to do."- Nick Saban

by bammer on Dec 3, 2009 4:46 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I can second this one....

I wish to hell it wasn’t UT’s fight song, cause sometimes I just can’t stop singing it.

"Only the strong survive , but the strong still get their [fannies] whipped." Coach Nick Saban

by RocksinBama on Dec 3, 2009 4:52 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

The above is for Bammer.

"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." - Mark Twain

by Stu from Tuscaloosa on Dec 3, 2009 4:40 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

The last time we had one of these

I posted that we would need to pull out the big guns if we were going to be champions. I am happy (?…word choice) to say many of you have answered the call of duty.

Roll Tide

MATRIX: Bennett, I thought you were--

BENNETT: Dead? You thought wrong. Ever since you had me thrown out of the unit, I've been waiting to pay you back. Do you know what today is, Matrix? Payday.

by Bamagrad on Dec 3, 2009 4:44 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Alright....embarrassing stalker story....

 Several years ago I took my kids trick-or-treating with some friends in their neighborhood. We go to a couple houses, I’m being kinda goofy with the little ones, everything is cool. Until we get to door number three. These kids are small, so I ring the doorbell and step back… and am shocked to the point of peeing “justalitttlebit” in my pants when Michael Proctor opens the door. I had no clue he lived in my town, and I had the biggest Verne-Tebow kinda love for him. I don’t even know what I said, but I am sure it was all gushy about how much I admired him and such. My husband is getting embarrassed at this point.
  So Proctor, his wife, and the kids decide to join us for trick or treating. I’m still star-struck, walking about 3 inches up his ass. And talking fast. And being a moron. My husband pulls me to the side to let me know he wife is looking pissed, and to please refrain from sexually harassing this poor guy. It wasn’t long after when the Proctors decided to go back home (most likely to get away from me).

Not very long after that, I see him again. In the light of day. And I realize not only has he put on tons of weight, but I think I may be taller than him. And he wasn’t really cute to begin with….

So I stalk out of shape, over the hill place kickers. To the point where the move after I find out where they live.

"Only the strong survive , but the strong still get their [fannies] whipped." Coach Nick Saban

by RocksinBama on Dec 3, 2009 5:07 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

That is bringing it...

However, if rumor is to be believed, you wouldn’t want to try that with a certain chunky QB.

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 5:15 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Watch out Leigh

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 3, 2009 5:16 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

A mistake was made

You F@%KED up! Now you are a loser to the nth degree.

by 1974gator on Dec 3, 2009 5:50 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

You, sir, are a TRUE gator

and, apparently, the better part of you was wiped on the crunchy tube sock behind the futon in your daddy’s double wide.

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 3, 2009 6:29 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

as always,

the Gators provide us with the ultimate defense to Roe v. Wade

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 3, 2009 7:54 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Dude.....

Why would you come onto this blog, post that comment on the greatest thread in the history of SBNation, and make our fanbase look as ignorant as Carlos Dunlap??? If all you have to add is trash-talk then just keep it to yourself….

This is seriously the funniest thread of all time. I was at a seminar this afternoon trying lot to laugh out loud as I read some of these.

by skigator93 on Dec 3, 2009 8:11 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

+1 ski

i take back what I said, maybe not all of yall wear jorts; as for greatest thread, I dunno, it has some stiff competition from the LSU meltdown 2 weeks ago, but it sure as hell is neck and neck….

"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim

by Thomas Walker Esq on Dec 3, 2009 8:23 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

when I was about 6 or 7...

I was staying the night over at a friends house down the street. All night we drank endless amounts of coke and played super Nintendo while his dad attempted to fix the broken doorknob on the game room door. Before his dad went to bed he reminded us not to close the door because the doorknob might get stuck and lock us in the room. About an hour later my friend decided he was going to bed, I decided to stay up and play more donkey kong. My friend closed the door on his way out. A little while later I got up to open the door to go to the bathroom, it wouldn’t budge. I held it as long as my little bladder could and tried my best to find anything in the room that might hold liquid… nothing. At this point I was almost panicking, I started banging on the door desperately trying to get the attention of anyone who might wake up. No one came to my rescue. So I decided my best move was to drop em’ right there and piss the on the floor in the corner of the room instead of my pants. For about another hour I continued trying to get the door open to find something to clean my mess up before anyone found it. Eventually I gave up and fell asleep on the couch. The next morning when my friends mom let me out, I had momentarily forgotten about it and she never noticed. No one noticed until halfway through breakfast when our meal was interrupted by screaming coming form the direction of the game room, my friend’s dad found the puddle. He saw the piss, put two and two together… and beat the living shit out of the loyal family dog. After seeing the the punishment the dog received for what happened, I decided to keep the whole thing to myself.

by 009jpc on Dec 3, 2009 8:21 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Dogs:

Taking the blame for human excrement since 10,000 BC

"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." - Mark Twain

by Stu from Tuscaloosa on Dec 3, 2009 9:25 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Thanks for an entire day of laughs

After months of ever increasing reading enjoyment, I finally signed up to RBR this evening to pass on appreciation for this beyond genius thread. Thought OTS’s post-Miles debacle LSU Meltdown would be unbeatable for 2009, but this has surpassed any possible expectations I foolishly thought I might even have a story or two to contribute that might help appease the football gods for this Saturday, but clearly I am not worthy in light of shampoo bottles, soiled undergarments, drag queens, detached foreskin, “spackled” shirts, etc. If the gods are listening, it will be 100 to nothing before half-time.

P.S. specifically to Todd — It was pure fate when I signed up as literally the second I finished the account I looked up to see a rather stunning blond on the tv (was watching the movie Bottle Shock). Looked her up to discover she was none other than your current site hottie Rachael Taylor. Thanks for the great blog all!

Blessed are the cheesemakers

by The PFJ on Dec 3, 2009 11:56 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Nice sig...

…and welcome.

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 4, 2009 2:46 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Number 1 of 2: definitely can't top most of these...

but I feel the need to offer something up anyway. I was about 6 and my sister was 4, I think, and it was Halloween. My sister and I were dressed up as Miss Americas and my dad took us to the haunted train ride at the zoo. It was awfully scary for a youngster. They had people dressed in black (at night) jumping on top of the train and they stopped it out in the middle of no where and told us that tigers were going to come because they could smell us. After the train ride was over, I had to use the restroom (or so I thought). While I was in the bathroom, my dad and sister were being interviewed my the local news station about the haunted train ride and Halloween. About half way through the interview, I come out of the bathroom with my Miss America dress up over my face and my underwear around my ankles complaining to my dad that “my pannies are wet”. I don’t think the news crew was able to use my dad’s interview that night…

"That's the process: Let's think about what we can do today, the task at hand."
-Coach Nick Saban

by pluckNgrit on Dec 4, 2009 9:29 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

holy crap

i totally forgot about that and it is FREAKING hilarious. i worked so hard sewing those miss america costumes!

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY BABY!!!

"You have to create 6 seconds of hell each play..."
Coach Nick Saban

by LittleSis on Dec 4, 2009 11:05 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

2 of 2...a little older this time

When I was a senior in college I was walking from class to class on the quad. It was around 9 in the morning because I had just gotten out of my 8 o’clock. I was pretty much the only one on the quad and was admiring the quiet and gorgeous view of Denny Chimes. As I looked over at the monument, I noticed a man with his back to me and both of his arms crossed in front, around the crotch area. This was odd, as he was just standing there facing the wall, all by himself. I continued to watch the man, trying to figure out what he was doing, and then he did the squat/jiggle/shake that men do after they have peed! In my mind, I’m thinking surely, I’m mistaken. But, low and behold, the man walks away from the wall and there is a huge wet spot!! I go to class and then go home to the sorority house (where I was living at the time). Our house mother was Dr. Whitt’s wife’s (at the time) secretary so when I told her the story she called him immediately. She then proceeded to hand me the phone so that I could tell him in detail what I saw! So, here I was, a “sorority lady”, describing to the President of the University of Alabama the squat/jiggle/shake that I saw the man doing at Denny Chimes. Luckily, I was able to describe what he was wearing (he was in a University worker’s uniform) and they caught him. He had been doing some work on the quad and didn’t think he could make it to the restroom…so he said

"That's the process: Let's think about what we can do today, the task at hand."
-Coach Nick Saban

by pluckNgrit on Dec 4, 2009 9:40 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

They do...

…if it’s on Denny Chimes. Dude shoulda found a tree….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 4, 2009 2:49 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

he shoulda gotten promoted!

Dude was so dedicated, he didn’t even want to leave the jobsite for 5 minutes to take a leak!

Sorority girls…..

by skigator93 on Dec 4, 2009 2:55 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I don't expect...

…you to get this, but the job site is littered with trees, which are lovely, but have no special significance in and of themselves. It also has Denny Chimes, which is practically a sacred relic to fans of Alabama football, students, and alumni. It’s named for President George H. Denny, whose name also graces our stadium (along with that of the greatest football coach of all time) and helped Alabama football become what it is as much as almost anyone. It’s also surrounded by the names and prints of the captains of each year’s team. The Chimes are simply an icon, and we’d rather not watch someone pee on them. Dude shoulda used a tree.

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 4, 2009 3:23 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Or, hell,

go behind the cannon, or rotunda…or go pee in the bushes by Gorgas house.

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 4, 2009 3:58 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

well the lord hasn't struck us down yet sooo....

The summer before our last championship season…vacation bible school was a summer ritual for me. I always went to my grandmothers church for bible school. Partly because I used to spend my summers with my grandparents. So, this is also the last time I did the whole vacation bible school thing. The whole week was going just fine, teachings on the bible, crafts, snacks, and horse play. Luckily there was a few cuties in the class I was in, so that made it that much better. Me and this one girl had been going back forth all week in a playful way, maybe some jabs thrown in there, but overall I could tell she liked me. Everyday after school was over we would always talk(flirt) a lot….well it kinda progressed a little to far the last day.
  My grandma was always serving snacks and drinks, so I always had to wait for her, plus you know how grandmas do at church…they gossip for a while after. So me and this girl are sitting in the auditorium waiting horny , so we start making out….I was thinking( not a big deal people kiss in church) that is until she went down on me….It’s like the devil was on one side and an angel on the other….do it do it!!! no your in church!! Needless to say I went with the devils advice…which was wrong!!! Well…my grandmother came in behind us and I had no clue(since I was in the zone!!!) she was even there. She yelled my whole name, and I jumped up so fast ole girl hit her head on the back of the pew in front of us, not to mention I was just about there. So, my grandma was none to happy about that, and I got drug out of church by my ear…with my shorts around my ankles, and ol girl was crying….thank god for not striking me down that day, and please let Bama win for me telling this.

" I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them."

by SDBama78 on Dec 4, 2009 11:56 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Wow and I thought the others couldnt be topped. WOW!

36-0

"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear

by Bham03UAgrad on Dec 5, 2009 12:11 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

This is not embarrassing at all...

…though I can see how it would have been at the moment….

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 5, 2009 7:09 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

it was embarrassing to me

" I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them."

by SDBama78 on Dec 5, 2009 1:24 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

WOW!

That is excellent!

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Dec 5, 2009 10:09 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

GENTLEMEN (AND LADIES)

ONE MONTH FROM NOW…WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO BRING IT LIKE IT’S NEVER BEEN BROUGHT ON THIS THREAD. THIS WILL BE ONE FOR THE AGES!

by Nico2.0 on Dec 5, 2009 7:38 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

seconded****

36-0

"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear

by Bham03UAgrad on Dec 6, 2009 12:56 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Way...

…to bring out the big guns for the big game, folks! Your level of commitment and dedication relative to your desire to win football-wise contributed to our success in what we did to Florida ass-quit-wise, aight? Roll Tide.

"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban

by NiceLittleSaturday on Dec 6, 2009 7:00 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Having laughed hysterically at some of the above

I can’t wait to hear what yall bring out for the BCSCG.

Best of luck in Pasadena.

by skigator93 on Dec 7, 2009 11:25 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

class act skigator - don't be a stranger!!

"You have to create 6 seconds of hell each play..."
Coach Nick Saban

by LittleSis on Dec 7, 2009 1:37 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Thanks and you are always welcome here.

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Dec 7, 2009 11:39 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

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