I'm back

To quote the Zodiac Killer in a 1978 letter to the San Francisco Chronicle, I'm back with you.  That's right, folks.  You thought I died?  Wrote me off as a has been?  As a dilettante of the internet who wouldn't return after receiving only a black sweater and cookbook for Christmas?  To quote Vernon Wells's Captain Bennett, the antagonist in Commando, you thought wrong.  I'm back, damn it.  After an eight day sojourn into the ethereal land of post-adenotonsillectomy bliss miserymindlessness, I'm back.  And I'm bad, sans tonsils, adenoids, an abscess, and a chunk of rotten tissue in my throat.  My breath has never been fresher and swallowing has never been more miserable.  And I can even breathe through my nose, and talk again (sort of) but I don't because I sound like a total pederast.  Perhaps they severed part of my vocal chords, in which case I'll need to accept my Truman Capoteish voice as the new thing.  Or perhaps I received gender reassignment surgery instead and gaping pit in the back of my throat is just a trick to keep my mind off the real changes I've experienced.  I can only hope for the best.  By the way, my dog never left my side.  That's loyalty.

So what have I missed?

• Urban Meyer resigns and then un-resigns to take an indefinite leave of absence?  Methinks this is a bad decision on Urban's part.  Of course, didn't Mike Krlukljlj Coach Kryskenski Coach K at Duke do something similar?  Perhaps it can be done, but I think it might hurt the Gator program enough to give Lane Kiffin the boost he needs.  This is pivotal.  I don't want to see Meyer push himself to the brink of death, but that's exactly what he's doing.  I don't see how he can continue to coach at any capacity and be the indefatigable coach that he is without exhausting and killing himself.  I hope he makes the right decision and I am extremely curious to see how this all plays out for the Gators and SEC. 
• UASports has removed the highlight videos of Alabama's 2009 games from Youtube?  Methinks Coach Saban had something to do with this because Youtube didn't.  UASports still has a channel.  They pulled the videos for a reason.

In other news, I see a lost all my bids on tickets to the big game.  Good thing I slept through this and didn't put down an illogical sum of money to win a ticket.

• Mike Leach locked Craig James' son in a closet following a concussion?  This is bizarre, like the time one of my friends overdosed on Ecstasy and tried to teabag a guy sleeping on the floor at a party.  The guy on the floor woke up and promptly beat my friend's ass, and no one stepped in to help because 1) it was funny 2) he deserved it 3) the guy on the floor was sort of our friend too 4) it was funny.  Mike Leach has done something even more bizarre. Perhaps he thought Adam James was faking the concussion and needed to toughen up.  Perhaps he wanted to send a message.  That said, I didn't understand a coach could be so stupid to pull a stunt like this and think he'd get away with it.  Not in this era, coach, and certainly not when the player's dad is a former NFL great and current CFB analyst.  Big mistake, Pirate Boy.

That's all for now...I'll be back with more commentary as the days move on.  The past week is nothing but a hazy memory to me.  I have consumed a daily diet of creamed spinach, mashed potatoes, Ensure, Gatorade, water, and Chocolate Milkshakes.  My weight before surgery topped off at 219.  Now I am somehow 221.  God bless ice cream.  Ice cream, you scream, Ice Kareem Jackson.  Okay, that was really gay.