Tales from the Crypt intro (via jabberwookkee)
Hello, kiddies! It’s your old fiend the Crypt Keeper, here, with a preview of tonight’s foot (in the grave) ball game between the Alabama Grimson Tide and the Floridie Gators. It’s sure to be a spine-jerker! From Florida, we have the dread-inducing defensive hackfield consisting of Janoris Jenkins and Co. Whereas Alabama has the Undead Hightower, Jer-racula Harris, Mummy Upshaw, and Nico "Cut Off My" Johnson, all comprising what could be the scariest linebacker corpse in the nation!
On offense, John Brantley for Florida is the fresh meat thrown to the slaughter for Robert Fester and the rest of the Bama secondareus, including the murderous Dre Kirk-Ice-Pick. Alabama, on the other hand, brings an army of seasoned veteran ghouls, including Greg McKillroy at the helm, along with last year’s Heisghoul Sinner Mark Ingram.
In sum, on defense, poaching and sheer offensiveness, Alabama has the Scream Team, whereas the Gators are in for the fright of their lives! The Gators’ Brantley and Burton will both be drowned in the Black Gorier River by the Alabama defense. Sorry, Flori-die-ans. No offense!
Your venerably vicious Crypt Keeper’s prediction:
Alabama – 100, Florida – Dead.
Troll Tide, Troll!