Let's see what the Bleacher Report has to say this week, shall we, with a special emphasis on one of our biggest remaining rivals: the Auburn Tigers. Sorry, LSU, but I didn't feel like typing "The LSU Bengal Tigers" (hey, look, it's more than just Tigers...I'll be damned), so I had to go with the 'Barn.Your suffering will be legendary, even in Opelika
First up, is a little article TW, Esq. fished out of the garbage, Exhibit A: Eight Reasons Besides Cam Newton That The Tigers Can Run The Table
Speaking of Ryan Pugh:
His role is undeniable and his experience is a beacon of SEC legends. The senior has anchored the O-line for multiple years and plans on leaving the plains as a SEC and National Champion. His tenacity in the huddle and on the sidelines is key immeasurable to this amazing season.
Speaking of Mike Berry:
He is regularly knocking the "crap" out of linebackers and defensive backs. By the fourth quarter, the opposing defensive "skill" players are so tired of him they are usually not to be found.
Speaking of Byron Isom
His affinity to set the standard and admission to destroy linebackers has made him a fan favorite, He regularly can be seen on Saturdays wrecking opposing defensive units. Move......*(*)*&&^()& get out the way!
pictured: "Alabama Voodoo celebratin' the colored fella' what runs good."
Exhibit B, for your consideration, also from Alabama Voodoo, is the thoughtful analysis he provides with respect to Auburn's defense, including a poor attempt at humor via Lou Holtz.
As advertised, Auburn's defense and oft-maligned coordinator Ted Roof have been challenged and disrespected by everyone from a loyal fanbase all the way to Kirk Herbstreit and his mentor "Thlow Thowltz."
However, the outcome of the season will be decided by the Auburn defense and their ability to close out tight games in the fourth quarter. No one has more swagger than the Auburn team, which is brimming with team chemistry, united in the unilateral purpose of fulfilling the team motto, "Good to Great."
And, this vile nugget, wherein injuries to opposing players are tacitly praised, but ought else makes sense.
The Auburn defense has made a name for itself this season by hitting hard. They've been referred to by many as the hardest-hitting defense in college football (ed. note, by other Aubies only).
When questioning a team's defense, we measure statistics up front. And we should do that, but the intangibles—the immeasurable factors like QBs injured and predictability of outcomes—become a huge factor in deciding the final score.
Surely there is one sane/literate "author" on BR who can provide some form of analysis besides banter you'd overhear at the Lee County Co-op Feed n Seed?
Sadly, no: As Exhibit C, true swine among pearls, demonstrates.
After the [Ole Miss] game, on the ESPN show College Football Final, Newton was asked if he thought he could be stopped. After letting the audience know that he did not intend to be arrogant, Newton explained that he could be slowed down a little but not stopped.
How can anyone dispute what he says? No one has stopped him all year long. In my opinion, Mississippi State had the best chance because of Newton's fondness for Bulldog head coach Dan Mullen, and it was also only the second game of the year.
Want delusion? You've got it in spades: Cam Newton has never been shut down or slowed down by opposing teams; rather, he has self-handicapped his own performances to be nice to the coach of a divisional opponent. HUH?
This concludes a brief look at the Auburn Tigers, through the eyes and pens of Bleacher Report "writers". However, in closing, and in the spirit of LSU week, I'd like to leave you with a trashy, maybe evocative, but definitely representative picture of the average corndog co-ed, in her natural state:
Pic related, and now perhaps you'll understand why I almost took an LSU teaching gig.
Sometimes a picture says it all; and -- don't lie -- this says it all about LSU: Overt slutiness, heavily slathered blue eyeshadow, BAC of .34, bad perm, tear-streaked mascara, shirtless with droopy kittens, all while doing her best deep-throat of a corndog (<-- a little too much teeth, as demonstrated here).
So, enjoy Baton Rouge, and be safe my friends: Always bring the meat if invited to dinner with the Cajuns, and definitely wrap it up: The next trollop that ends up in your bed/camper/cardboard box could be a Who!