POLL: What Movie Scene Should Saban Enact With this Agent?
by kleph on Jul 21, 2010 8:49 AM CDT
in Humor
66 comments
The AJC's Tony Barnhardt seems almost delighted that Coach Saban is a mite POed at agents in his column this morning and the possible repercussions of our dread lord and master's wrath. Needless to say, some of the suggestions of the possible fate of the unnamed agent who held this party in South Beach have been rather colorful.
So, speaking completely hypothetically, lets say someone were able to identify this individual and bring him to Tuscaloosa. And lets say Coach Saban were allowed to enact the scene from any given movie to express his displeasure at his conduct. What should it be? (And feel free to put your photoshop skills to work)
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I vote "Other"
It would be nice to see the agent subjected to the treatment Gerard Butler gives to the killer of his wife and daughter in Law Abiding Citizen.
www.totteringworld.com
coach saban is known for contracting work to qualified professionals
but this is one instance i’d prefer he keeps the work in-house.
Roll 'Bama Roll: The Champagne of 'Bama Blogs.
I vote "other" as well...
Can’t remember the name of the movie, but it starred Denzel Washington and he found a colorful use of vaseline and a stick of dynamite.
by uktide on Jul 21, 2010 9:09 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
That is the scene from Man on Fire
I was trying to think of. Great movie, and I think a very fitting punsihment. However, I voted for the Reservoir Dogs scene. I don’t think it gets any better than that.
I can support this.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
by BamaHadMeAtHello on Jul 21, 2010 9:23 AM CDT up reply actions
Those are some good torture scenes, but I'd have to go with more rage
The scene in The Patriot where Mel Gibson mutilates the body of the redcoat with his tomahawk comes to mind.
What you're seeing is team spirit. It's like the Holy Spirit, but more powerful.
-Hank Hill
In highschool...
our special teams coach would tell all of us on the kick team that he wanted us to run down the field causing destruction like the cannon ball on The Patriot. That always pumped me up!
by PluckandGrit on Jul 21, 2010 1:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Predator
Rips head, spinal column, etc. clean out
by High Tide in Charleston on Jul 21, 2010 9:37 AM CDT reply actions
"Say 'what' again!"
Agent: I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name. I got yours, Vincent, right? But I didn’t get yours…
Jules Saban: My name’s Pitt. And your ass ain’t talkin’ your way out of this shit.
Agent: No, no, I just want you to know… I just want you to know how sorry we are that things got so f*#@ed up with us and Mr. Dareus. We got into this thing with the best intentions and I never…
Jules Saban: [Jules shoots the man on the couch] I’m sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What’s the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does the Alabama Crimson Tide look like?
Agent: What?
Jules Saban: What country are you from?
Agent: What? What? Wh – ?
Jules Saban: “What” ain’t no country I’ve ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Agent: What?
Jules Saban: English, motherf*#@er, do you speak it?
by Jeff Jones on Jul 21, 2010 9:44 AM CDT reply actions 3 recs
+1
Ohio State has the worst fans in the Big Ten. Bar none. And it’s not even close. Humorless in defeat. Condescending in victory. Generally insecure all the time. I’ve partied and had fun with fans of every team in this league, save Ohio State.
Nice. I found the director's cut. :)
Agent: I just want you to know how sorry we are that things got so f*#@ed up with us and Mr. Dareus. We got into this thing with the best intentions and I never…
Saban: [Saban shoots the agent’s partner] I’m sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What’s the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marcell Dareus look like?
Agent: What?
Saban: What country are you from?
Agent: What? What? Wh – ?
Saban: "What" ain’t no country I’ve ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Agent: What?
Saban: English, motherf*#@er, do you speak it?
Agent: Yes!
Saban: Then you know what I’m saying!
Agent: Yes!
Saban: Describe what Marcell Dareus looks like!
Agent: What, I-?
Saban: [pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherf*#@er. Say what one more goddamn time.
Agent: He’s b-b-black…
Saban: Go on.
Agent: He’s big…
Saban: Does he look like a bitch?
Agent: What?
[Saban shoots the agent in the shoulder]
Saban: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
Agent: No!
Saban: Then why you try to f*#@ him like a bitch?
was just about to post that scene
This entire scene fits the situation perfectly if you replace these three names:
Marcellus Wallace = Marcell Dareus
Brett = agent
Mrs. Wallace = Dareus’s girlfriend
The Thing
From the 1982 version (because Kleph and I are probably the only people on here who know about the one from the 50’s)…the part where the guy has the heart attack and they use the shocks on his chest and then it turns into a giant mouth with razor sharp teeth. Then it bites the guy’s arms off and turns into a bunch of other mini aliens. That part.
The agent is in that room with the agent who signed Langham and the agent who gave MIchael Myers his credit card. Nick Saban is Kurt Russell’s character. I am Wilford Brimley’s character. No, wait. I am Keith David’s character (unless he’s infected…we’ll never know!).
www.totteringworld.com
That is a horrifying movie
the “drippy-headed alien” that sprouts legs is pure fucking nightmare fuel. I was 11 when I saw it for the first time, and I didn’t sleep for a week…
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Jul 21, 2010 10:05 AM CDT up reply actions
Along the same lines...
It should be the scene in Braveheart where he avenges his wife’s murder by not saying a word; kicking the dude around for a minute, set him on a pole, slit his throat. Let the victim’s blood stain Saban’s shoulder as he falls to the ground. Saban exits stage left.
Just a suggestion…
"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant
I'm going with Saban and Bruce Willis
in “Pulp Fiction” when he’s about to escape with his skin, then goes back into the dungeon to save the heretofore villain from further unspeakable actions with the help of a cool sword. Marcellas Wallace is a stand in for all other coaches in college football, and Saban could simply suspend his player and get out with his skin, or he can tear into the system which is s****izing college coaches and not end up until they get “medieval on their a**es!”
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Bear Bryant
i considered a "get medieval on his ass" entry
but i already had a tarantino entry and they don’t depict what happened to zed. also, can you imagine anyone getting saban in that… compromising situation? i didn’t think so.
Roll 'Bama Roll: The Champagne of 'Bama Blogs.
Well, that's a good point
but the overall point is the NCAACOI has the shotgun in this case, and they make the schools do pretty much whatever they want, and let the agents (zed’s buddy, or maybe the gimp) do whatever he wants. Willis wasn’t in that situation because he deserved to be, and he got out using only his own power. Saban could have just said “No comment” and left it at that, but he didn’t, he used his bully pulpit to highlight some very real wrongs in the system: namely:
A lack of accountability on the part of agents
Too much power on the part of the NCAACOI
A lack of unity on the part of schools to fight against the system, as seeing your rival schools get nailed is to your short term benefit.
We’ll see if he persues it. If he does, I imagine we’ll get to see the missing Zed scene after all.
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Bear Bryant
Anger, and rage, and pain...
There are no more barriers to cross… My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape…
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Jul 21, 2010 10:00 AM CDT reply actions
BTW
People who say “I love that movie” or “that’s one of my favorite movies” are sick, sick bastards. I really think love of American Psycho should be a screening question for Arkham.
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Jul 21, 2010 10:01 AM CDT up reply actions
Damn, and I was just about to mention that one.
“Try getting a reservation at Cypress Inn now, you fucking stupid bastard!”
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on Jul 21, 2010 10:15 AM CDT up reply actions
It was a good movie, but severly messed up.
Not as bad as hellraiser. The scene in the Church made me cringe, I had to turn it off.
I voted for Kleph and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
by BamaReturns07 on Jul 21, 2010 11:22 AM CDT up reply actions
I love Hellraiser...
one of the most quotable movies ever.
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Jul 26, 2010 3:21 PM CDT up reply actions
I was going to suggest
The “chasing through the hall, butt-naked and covered in blood, with a chainsaw” scene from this very movie.
by Bama philosophe on Jul 21, 2010 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions
Animated Gif
I haven’t voted yet. I’m swamped at work, but if and when we come up with a consences. I’ll try my hand at making an animated GIF of it, assuming i get some downtime.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk.
by That Other Dave on Jul 21, 2010 10:03 AM CDT reply actions
Definately from the Predator
Coach Nick Saban is the huge badass predator, and the agent is the victim who he rips his spine clear out of his body from…
Casino
…when the boys put the bat to Santoro’s brother in front of him at the hole as he watches, then gets his final scene. Throw them in a hole, cover them with dirt, and go on with life.
It's not what you've done but what you are doing that matters.
And the roses in this grand ol' stadium are once again Crimson. - Eli Gold, CTSN Broadcast of the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl, 1-7-2010
Billy Batts
When Frank Vincent (Billy Batts) Tells Joe Pesci (Tommy) to go home and get his fucking shine box….
Saban
Agent
by PluckandGrit on Jul 21, 2010 10:59 AM CDT up reply actions
I love how both of you gloss over my pick and put Goodfella's in it.
But good call, I can totally see Saban taking a knife to the agent as they open the trunk on the way to dumping the body.
It's not what you've done but what you are doing that matters.
And the roses in this grand ol' stadium are once again Crimson. - Eli Gold, CTSN Broadcast of the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl, 1-7-2010
by AlabamaJammer on Jul 21, 2010 11:05 AM CDT up reply actions
Other
Come on guys I just knew there was gonna be a " WE ARE SPARTA" reference in this thread from 300. Anyway that is mine. Saban says to agent " WE ARE BAMA!!!!!" tHEN kicks agent down hole!!!!!!!!!!. Oh wait after agent shows up with letter jackets from other suckers they have signed and says give me your best and all will be ok.
I am a member of the Sabanation Roll!!Tide!!
Then coaching staff along woth Saban
take out all the agents assistants and so on and so forth
I am a member of the Sabanation Roll!!Tide!!
I dunno, I'm not touching this topic
murder/torture of someone for realsies is a bit too much to suggest, even when in jest. I’ll sit this topic out, ya’ll have fun if you want too.
What they need to do is ban any player who deals with agents before they are suppose to for the next year and next NFL draft they are eligible.
I voted for Kleph and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
by BamaReturns07 on Jul 21, 2010 11:24 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Cure him.
The sight of a football game will make him vomit.
I won't post what scene should be re-created...
…but if it happened to the agent I’d say “no homo.”
It's not what you've done but what you are doing that matters.
And the roses in this grand ol' stadium are once again Crimson. - Eli Gold, CTSN Broadcast of the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl, 1-7-2010
by AlabamaJammer on Jul 21, 2010 10:43 PM CDT up reply actions
Sons of Anarchy
The scene where Clay cuts the balls off the child rapist. Then tells the guys to let him bleed out, then get rid of the body.
Roll Tide!
by rolltidefromaz on Jul 21, 2010 11:52 AM CDT reply actions
Forget a Movie Scene...
Put whoever it is alone in a room with Terrance Cody.
Too nice of a guy
Dress him in a pitbull costume and put him in a room with Michael Vick.
Or dress him in as a knee ligament and put him in a room with the Auburn O-line.
I'm wrong all the time.
The Untouchables
When Robert Deniro (Al Capone) dos his “Enthusiasm” scene with the baseball bat. Cold, effective and merciless.
Have a Crimson Tide Day!
Roll Tide, Saban Tsunami Roll!
Ive never seen any of the movies..
they just aren’t my type…but im sure one the “Saw” movies has some good options…
"You stay bought into it when you see your opponent sucking air and physically failing and you're still fit and ready and you know you own his ass."- Corey Reamer speaking about Coach Cochran
rephrase...
i haven’t seen any of the Saw movies..ive seen everyone listed in the polls…
"You stay bought into it when you see your opponent sucking air and physically failing and you're still fit and ready and you know you own his ass."- Corey Reamer speaking about Coach Cochran
no thanks...
I don’t really like torture porn…
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Jul 26, 2010 3:22 PM CDT up reply actions
the uncut scene from Taken
slam the nails in his legs and turn the fuckin lights on. That, or feed his ass to the woodchipper, a la Fargo
"Yeah, it's Tennessee, that's the way it is sometimes." - Corey Zickefoose, Pulitzer Prize winner and robbery victim
"This is not the end. This is the beginning." - The Great and Powerful Saban
by Thomas Walker Esq on Jul 21, 2010 2:15 PM CDT reply actions
from Hannibal
Feed him his own brain.
Being good has nothing to do with it, Mikey. They choose your name randomly out of the phonebook.
by Mr. Kobayashi on Jul 21, 2010 2:33 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
I'd kinda like to see...
something along the lines of what Marv (Mickey Rourke) did to Kevin (Elijah Wood) in Sin City.
It's too late for a vote...
…CNS is already dealing with this agent…
"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban
by NiceLittleSaturday on Jul 21, 2010 10:24 PM CDT reply actions
How about Deliverance
Where the agent is the Ned Beatty character and CNS is the one making him “squeal like a pig”
i take you are are not familiar
with how that particular scene ends.
Roll 'Bama Roll: The Champagne of 'Bama Blogs.
Image fail
"High standards come from passion within...." --Coach Nick Saban
by NiceLittleSaturday on Jul 29, 2010 9:11 PM CDT up reply actions
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