DALLAS, TX - OCTOBER 8: Kenny Stills #4 and Jaz Reynolds #16 of the Oklahoma Sooners celebrate after a touchdown against the Texas Longhorns at the Cotton Bowl on October 8, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. The Sooners defeated the Longhorns 55 to 17. (Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images)
Some football weekends just have it all. Your team wins in a blowout, your major rivals all fall hard, and you have other games almost guaranteed to produce sheer comedy. Consider this one of those weekends.
Texas made it clear to the world that their 4-0 start was just some grand cupcake-induced mirage, revealing their true colors by being hammered by Oklahoma in the Red River Shootout. Shaggy Bevo was as epic as expected. Florida State also completely dispelled any notions of competence with an ugly loss against Wake Forest, and it seems the 'Nole fans are a bit tired of the offseason fluff followed by the in-season failure. Likewise, Auburn went down hard for the second time in two weeks, and while it will surely get even better in time, this week was no slouch. And finally, we have the Tennessee Volunteers, who managed not only to lose to Georgia at home but also managed to lose both their starting quarterback and starting tailback to injury in the process. As expected, no one took any of those losses well.
Subjects of meltdown time this week include suicide, War and Peace, Mandarin, Mexicans, Hitler, Justin Blackmon, the Longhorn Network, abortions, Mayans, extinction, psychologists, Dirty Sanchez, Astroglide, punk music, KY, ghosts, battered women, Novacane, Les Miles, buses, cliffs, frat boys, donuts, adultery, Skype, minimum wage, Bernie Madoff, Nick Saban, whiskey, midgets, Terry Bowden, General Motors, Legion Field, trees, power outages, Elmer's Glue, Stephen Garcia, the REC, conspiracy theories, law degrees, the bar association, whores, divorce, cheerleaders, national radio, broken condoms, Hank Williams Jr., shlongs, Boise, Nu'keese Richardson, and plane crashes.
As always, this piece is in no way safe for work, and should not be read by anyone who is easily offended by foul language. Consider yourself warned. Click below for the jump for Meltdown Time. Enjoy:
make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh hell they are talkin about landry jones proposing, i might as well go hang myself
Mack look like someone asked him to translate "War & Peace" into Mandarin
i broke up with my girlfriend this morning and this is a fucking whole lot worse than the breakup
God fucking damn this fucking game. Shit.
that's what we get for having a fucking true blood mexican on the fucking oline
Nice way to run for .6 yards per carry faggot
This assfucking is a direct result of Mack not pulling the plug on GG last year.
Someone cue up the Hitler video
Justin Blackmon just came.
i wish i could get the longhorn network to see how they explain this abortion...
Fuck u Mack, get these kids ready! Tackle and block...basics of football. Feed these kids some spinach or steroids...fukin tackling with their hands in their pocket.
If Cockgobbler U puts up 60 on us, then Diaz might be on a cross after the OSU game.
Nice fumble faggot. Fuck Case McCoy and his father
Let's just put in a random fucking fan in at quarterback.
Can we just forfeit at this point? Is that even possible?
Apparently trick plays don't work as well against teams that aren't fucking motherfucking Fresno State.
Shut the fuck up and go back to finger banging your ass while looking at the best of stoops video.
Dies tragically? He fucking OD'd.
Fucking Case chewing on his helmet. Goddamn is he goofy looking.
Our blitzes are on tape delay.
Mack looks like he's aged ten years in 3 quarters.
Musbereger can eat an ox cock
Dear, extinct Mayans... would you mind moving the date up about 14 months?
I need to see a psychologist. I must really hate myself because i am still watching this ass raping.
I know we are getting raped but them going for it on 4th down is like them giving us a dirty Sanchez
Some Astroglide please, KY isn't enough
Goddamned cocksucking pussy cunt bitch motherfucker unclefucking shitlicking pussyfart faggotdicking assholes. I'd slap your fucking mothers if they were in front of me. Fucking dickless shitsucking fuckshit cockgobbbling motherfuckers.
Not only are we getting raped by OU, but my burger sucks and my upstairs neighbors are listening to what can only be described as the shittiest punk music ever made at full volume. This day sucks. But at least I have Woodford Reserve to console me.
i hope stoops chokes on too much cum tonight.
just burn the game tape
The entire right side of the line did a great job of emulating ghosts.
Someone needs to stick a dick is Mushburger's mouth so that he'll stop mentioning the Fiesta bowl from 5 fucking years ago.
GODDAMN!!!!!! WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS TRY TO BLOCK SOMEBODY!!!!!!!!!! Herbstreit's a goddamned fucking faggot.
each coach should donate their paycheck to a battered women's shelter.
We got DP'd with no lube. The soreness will pass though.
I'm sick as fuck of completely unprepared, head-down first quarter teams stepping on the field in the biggest game of the year. Fire his ass now. He can recruit, but can't do shit to harden up these little douchebag, no football playing whores. I could give a shit who replaces his ass. I'm tired of looking at the fucker.
HE CANNOT GET PEOPLE READY TO PLAY! FUCK MACK BROWN IN HIS ASS!
Go to the library and find a good book or something. War and Peace, maybe. By the time you finish, maybe FSU will be relevant again?
ESPN prolly won't even mention this much. Just like last decade
We suck more ass than a boatload of ass suckers!
Novacane to take away the pain
we just fucking lost to Wake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck JIMBO, we suck!!!!!
God I wish Les Miles were our coach
I've already emptied the bar, what do I do now?
Got the bus warmed up for my trip to the cliff, anyone need a ride?
I feel FSU is the blowup doll that gets passed around from frat boy to frat boy without being cleaned. But in this case, those frat boys are the teams we go up against.
Can we will an Auburn here? Hell the fuck no.
fat ass OL can't even make a block in the open field. EAT MORE DONUTS!
FSU is the girl I love so much that keeps cheating on me
The ACC wants FSU to leave after this shit
Fuck this shit, the plane has crashed into the side of the mountain! Looks like WF took that recruiting national championship and stuck it right up our assuming asses. Why the hell didn’t EJ start this game in the 1st place?
Why is Jimbo laughing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he needs to go watch Moneyball
I'm guessing Jimbo will blame this on not having an indoor practice facility?
Anyone wanna go hang themselves on Skype with me?
FSU owes everyone who watched this an apology and a check for 3.5 hours at minimum wage
Guess I’ll join my wife and just cheer for Bama the rest of the year…. this is fucking embarrassing. Since when the fuck did we become this year’s Ohio State and Miami???
This team is a fraud of Madoff-esk proportion
I haven't been this done with something since I took a crap this morning. Vaya con dios, FSU football.
Nick Saban would tell some of these players and coaches not to come back next year
God made whiskey for this day.
Worst team since 98
5 holding calls in one game. bammer doesn't get that many called in a season
Bammer will beat us by 50
No way that midget stops at 50, he'll go for 100 if he can
Waited 50 years on the last one and we're playing like we're waiting 50 years on the next one
This feels like Terry Bowden all over
I bet there's so much fap on Hogville the walls are sticky
I don't care if that meltdown fucker sees but this Auburn team is the worst I've seen in years
Gus's stock fell faster than General Motors
Who said we'd never play in Legion Field again?
Gus should be donating about half of his salary to save the trees. Pathetic
By the end of the third quarter I was praying the power would go back out
If we're paying players I'd like to think we could afford some guys a hell of a lot better than this
Deangelo Benton couldn't catch a pass if he soaked his hands in Elmer's Glue all week
Barrett Trotter is like Stephen Garcia with less talent and less amusing drinking stories
Please don't put Mosley into the game. I can't cut that crybaby shit again when we have to bench him
Trotter is still the starting quarterback because the five star QB only knows one play? Please tell me this is just one cruel joke
With all of these penalties if we were playing Bammer I'd swear the REC was up to its old tricks
Who says they're not? Theyre worried and they are desperate to derail us. Never put anything past the REC
We hired Mike Shula with a law degree
Poole is out. Does this mean we go from -29 rushing yards to -59? Big loss
I hope DD is still in good standing with the bar association when his midlife crisis comes crashing to an end
I'm glad more whore ex wife got the tickets in the divorce
We couldn't beat Bama or LSU if they started the cheerleaders on defense
At least Fulmer's momma didn't embarrass us on national radio
We had a worse weekend than Hank Jr.
Pay no mind my team couldn't fight its way out of a broken condom. Okay? I'm wearing orange pants!!!!! ORANGE PANTS!!!!!!!!!! Lemme go water the bamboo!!!!!!!!!!
Fitting he made a bamboo reference. We're surely getting bamboozled.
FUCK YOU LANE KIFFIN!!!!1 Boyd should be our starting QB now and we'd have a chance without Bray
We were a three man team on our best day and two of those three are done for the year. We are shitty and we are cursed on top of that
I'm ready for basketball. Oh, wait... How's the baseball program again?
This team cannot beat Kentucky without Bray. Vandy will make us choke on their shlong
Can you imagine what Boise would do to us?
The team that lost to Boise and faced a 4th and 54 just beat our asses at home.
Trust DD!!! He um did more with less....... or...... he's like Nick Saban......... or he came out of a famous nutsack.... or.... fuck me
Most depressing day for UT football since Nu'Keese rolled up to the Pilot in his Prius
We didn't crash into no goddamn mountain,, this fucking plane never got in the air