It's Meltdown Time...

Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Did you ever wonder exactly what it feels like to in the middle of an epic meltdown precisely when it occurs? Usually to do so you have to be the one entering meltdown mode, but thanks to Wisconsin this week we all get to view this calamity from the comforts of a safe distance. The pre-Hail Mary meltdown was largely your typical Big Ten whining, but it quickly turned into pure rage as soon as Keith Nichol grabbed the desperation heave from Kirk Cousins. I'll let you browse the meltdowns and guess exactly when it all fell apart in East Lansing.

In other meltdowns this week, Auburn went down to Baton Rouge to take on LSU, though the Plainsmen would have done themselves a favor by pre-emptively forfeiting and spending the weekend tailgating out on Harvey's Corner. In hindsight, they really shouldn't have smoked those cigars down there some thirteen years ago, should they? Meanwhile, in Tuscaloosa, Nick Saban continued his historic reign of dominance over Tennessee while Derek Dooley was simply looking to get back on the bus as soon as possible. Finally, Chokelahoma represented with pride this weekend by simultaneously managing to ruin their national championship hopes while making Tommy Tuberville somewhat relevant. After all, when a lightning storm is the highlight of your evening, what more can be said?

Subjects of meltdown time this week include guns, buck shot, suicides, Deliverance, pigs, piss bombs, bookies, third degree burns, crying, pee wee football, Jesus, Manny Pacquiao, retarded kids, Phillip Marshall, the REC, snuff films, Bammerham, chainsaws, gorillas, Ray Charles, the Titanic, wrestling, rape, broken TVs, the Titanic, lifeboats, CTL-ALT-DELETE, McDonalds, hemlock, Shawshank Redemption, Christmas trees, sharks, Jaws, Sebastian Janikowski, holy rollers, abortion, Astroglide, server crashes, hymens, women's basketball, loins, Afghanistan, skirts, bailouts, Al Gore, press conferences, Time Life, Clay Travis, condoms, neutering, hysterectomies, buck knives, PS3,  AI settings, offshore bank accounts, bribing referees, Casey Anthony, and the welfare state.

As always, this piece is in no way safe for work, and should not be read by anyone who is easily offended by foul language. Consider yourself warned. Click below for the jump for Meltdown Time. Enjoy:

Toomers-corner-trees-night_medium

And I'm getting out the 12 gage double barrel with Buck shot.. and blow my frickin brains out..

As an ode to Deliverance.....LSU made us squeal like a pig.

We got piss bombed

Thank the lord my bookie wouldn't take my bet on Auburn this week, saved me some money

Therezie has been burnt so bad he's going to have third degree burns

There goes our QB crying again

we have div 2 QBS

Please take a knee on the next 3 plays. Punt the ball and let them score. Repeat until it is time to get on the bus.

We are getting absolutely destroyed out there. We do not even look like we belong on the same field as LSU. It is like peewee vs NFL.

Just take a damn knee and get out alive.

WHERES THE DAMN FLAG FOR HELMENT TO HELMENT REF? Damn thats as obvious as anything I have EVBER seen!!!!!

With a 25 point lead the Ref now calls LSU for holding that has been going on for a while.

Gee, think a message was given to these refs that Ua vs. LSU better be a game of unbeatens???
The refs have kept LSU in this.  Unbelievable!!!!

The extra hundred yards lsu has on us happened after 3rd down penalties

LSU PLEASE PULLL THE STARTERS SO YOUR HEALTHY FOR BAMMER!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus Christ, this is like watching Pacquiao beat down a retarded kid.

LSU isn't muffing enough punts

Roof looks like he's been up drinking all night with Phillip Marshall

Did SEC office move to BR this week?

REC needs LSU undefeated in Bammerham. We don't have a prayer with these refs

This whole game has been one huge snuff film.

Take the starters out - we still need to win another game.

Auburn ran into LSUs 800 lb gorilla chainsaw dick for sure.

We literally got raped every play

Damnit my TV fell of the wall on Randell's touchdown pass

Morning after and my asshole is still sore

Bammer is going to be even worse because you know the REC has already paid off the refs

SPUATs gonna hold more than a pro wrestler and the zebras will act like Ray Charles

Gus is the guy on Titanic who refused to board the life boat

CTL-ALT-DEL won't fix this one

We're going to need a Garmin to find our balls

 

Texas-tech-celebrates_medium

We sucked a fourteen inch turd through a McDdonalds straw tonight

We are soft. We do not play fundamental football. We have a rinky-dink finesse offense. Year after year we cannot run the FUCKING football.

Pass the fucking hemlock

Rename the defense

Shanks. As in Shawshank. As in Andy Dufresne getting his ass pounded repeatedly.

The Christmas Trees. Cuz they got lit the fuck up.

How many of you killed yourself tonight?

We are are definitely going to be on Meltdown Time because I for one am about to off myself.

I would kill for a fucking O Line coach

The Sharks allowed the most yards at home for Stoops twice this month? Where was the Jaws music last night?

Manhattan, Waco, Stillwater. Could this team go 8-4, 9-3?

There's only one.....Chokelahoma...

Muuuuther fuuuuuck! God dammit

Fuuuuuuuuuckin shit mother fuckers! Goddammit jaz suck ass Reynolds.

I'd kill for a kicker who could hit one within the twenty. The Twenty! I'm not asking for Sebastian freakin' Janikowski here!

Landry's just too tight. I think Whitney needs to drop the holy roller act and start giving him some pussy. For the sake of the team.

What a way to end this Abortion!!!!

I think I am going to go beat off then fall asleep.

Heupel needs to grow a freaking pair. Sometime since doing big things on the field in 2000 and now someone stole his balls.

Yo Tech use Astro Glide. this dry insertion is painful

Hey Nuked do you have your finger hovering over the "crash the Server" button? I hope so

Tech exploded our hymen in the first ten minutes

 

Derek-dooley-orange-pants_medium

frick this, I'm ready for women's basketball.

All we did in the first half was piss em off

Used to be "3rd and Chavis", and now its "2nd Half Dooley".

i think we need to recruit some players with some nuts

Phil simms loins did not produce

We've been rebuilding longer than Afghanistan

Da'Rick running around out there like he's wearing a skirt

Think Gore could help us get a bailout?

We've got the best press conference head coach in America; most innovative zingers in the country

Fourth best team in the state of Tennessee? I bet even Memphis wants some of this

I'd rather watch a TimeLife informercial than watch this team play

Why not just refuse to come out for the second half?

Clay Travis pulled the trigger yet?

Free suits cannot make this much of a difference

Say what you want about Kiffin but he's the only UT coach to yet that didn't let Saban disembowel him with a cooking spoon

I'm gonna send Phil Simms $20 to buy a box of condoms

Save your money, I'd rather just neuter the worthless fucker with my buck knife

Bet Mama Dooley will sound like she got a hysterectomy next time she calls into a radio show

Once DD figures out there are two halfs in college football we'll be BCS bound

We even lost to Bama 31-8 when I simmed it on my PS3

 

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That was outrageous. Who the fuck let Michigan State tamper with the AI settings?

RUN THE FUCKING GODDAMN BALL WITH MONTE BALL YOU FUCKIN IDIOT PIECES OF SHIT

Check the refs computers.... they'll be accessing offshore accounts tomorrow

Are these SEC refs trying to keep the Big 10 out of the national championship game?

Now let's monitor those overseas bank accounts these refs set up

Wisconsin will never be an elite program. Fuck everything

Bret Bielima, may the Lord have mercy on your soul becasue I cant

Russell get the national media off your dick and play some football!!

RW put Casey Anthony in charge of his Heisman campaign with his play tonight

All this without their best fucking defender; we should shit kick these fuckers like Alabama

We're going to lose to the Welfare State. Im gonna puke

IUOG^#HNFPO&#^FG@HPJ@I(J@(&(*U{IPKOWJIDMKL:SNDJBOQYWUITU@*(PHRP:>:><>:?>"{POI*&YT^%$EWERTGHJK

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

WHAT THE FUCKING FARTS

GO SUCK A COCK YOU CLASSLESS WHORE

THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER FUCK A PERSON IN THE ASS THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER FUCK A PERSON IN THE ASS

OMG IM GOING TO KILL SOMETHING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I RENOUNCE JUDAISM!

THERE IS NO GOD

OMG OM OMG OMG OM OMGO OMG OMO OMG OMG THEY HAVE TO UPHOLD THIS ONE REVIEW THEY HAVE TO OMG OMGA OMG OOM FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

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