Your Black Friday Hoodoo Thread
by Todd on Nov 25, 2011 9:59 AM CST
in Humor
Email
PrintFolks, the Football Gods work in mysterious ways. After losing to LSU we all thought our season was effectively over (THEM BAMMERS AIN'T NEVER HAPPY THEY'D A WON 12 GAMES AND GONE TO A BCS BOWL AND STILL THOUGHT THIS SEASON WAS A BAD ONE PAAAAAWWWWWWLLLLLL!!!!1), yet here we are, sitting at #2 in the BCS with pretty much everything having gone our way to secure our ticket to the National Championship Game. We still need some help, though. First, we've got to get by Auburn. Second, Oklahoma beating Oklahoma State would really help us avoid any "SEC fatigue" from the human voters who might decide to jump them ahead of us to avoid a rematch. Third, ditto for Virginia Tech. If they can win the ACC title game in spectacular fashion and be a 1 loss BCS conference champion they would give the human voters another opportunity to avoid a rematch. That last one's a long shot, but crazier things have happened. So with all that in mind, we sacrifice for you once again, Football Gods:
Chime in with your own sacrifices in the comments below. Roll Tide.
You're welcome.
85 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
I shot a man in Reno
just to watch him die.
'There are two pains in life. There is the pain of discipline and the pain of disappointment. If you can handle the pain of discipline, then you'll never have to deal with the pain of disappointment,'- Nick Saban
You didn't really do that.
You just wrote it for a song cuz it sounded good in the song.
please tell me it was Nickelback's lead singer.....
by p3bhambama on Nov 25, 2011 4:14 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
So I lost a bet on the LSU-Bama game...
I was now required to wear an LSU shirt for an entire game day. I bought the shirt but have been putting it off. So yesterday, buddy informs me his wife is bailing on him to go black Friday shopping. So I am now sitting in traffic on the way to see LSU play Arky wearing the ugliest purple and canary yellow shirt ever. My buddy has informed all of our other friends of this. Cameras are ready and I fully expect to blow up Facebook today. Say a prayer for my sanity.
Dear football gods, we had better put up 50+ on Auburn for this.
"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood." -- Paul "Bear" Bryant
by GeauxCrimson on Nov 25, 2011 10:22 AM CST via mobile reply actions
I don't even know you anymore.
RBR's King of Hip-Hop...
by SpockJenkins on Nov 25, 2011 10:29 AM CST up reply actions
I figure this is the best time to honor my word
Bama doesn’t play today, so I can still wear my crimson tomorrow. Plus LSU beating Arky is our clearest path to BCS game, so I would have been pulling for them anyway.
"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood." -- Paul "Bear" Bryant
by GeauxCrimson on Nov 25, 2011 11:24 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
That's not that bad.
You are a woman, right?
Shake it, Bake it, and he makes it! Touchdown!
by rolltidefromaz on Nov 25, 2011 10:34 AM CST up reply actions
Shouldn't you also buy Nickelback songs for the Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Oregon games?
I’ve read Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility multiple times.
Heading in to the LSU game...
I was running everyday in the misguided hope that I was fueling “team spirit.” You’ll be happy to know that I’ve let my body and spirits deteriorate ever since, and things have gone quite well. Not in life, of course—that’s not going well at all. But in Alabama football.
by crimsontsunami on Nov 25, 2011 10:35 AM CST reply actions
Ladies and Gentlemen, your RBR Sweetheart Alternative:
RBR's King of Hip-Hop...
by SpockJenkins on Nov 25, 2011 10:36 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
nah brah
"If wanting to win is a fault, as some of my critics seem to insist, then I plead guilty. I like to win. I know no other way. It's in my blood."- The Bear
by Bham03UAgrad on Nov 25, 2011 11:10 AM CST up reply actions
Perfecto much.
Paul W. Bryant,
Sir Alex Ferguson,
Truly the best of both footballing worlds.
by TiderUpNorth on Nov 25, 2011 1:05 PM CST up reply actions
It's funny...
but you can see how much this photo of even a real woman has been photoshopped. I don’t understand it, why not let women be women? If I wanted to look at a cartoon, I would.
Thirteen.
Yes, too much clothes
"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success." -Coach Bear Bryant
"I thInk everybody should take the attItude that we’re workIng to be a champIon, that we want to be a champIon In everythIng that we do. every choIce, every decIsIon, everythIng that we do every day, we want to be a champIon."
-- Nick SabaN
by Tokeisch on Nov 25, 2011 5:09 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
I love her a bunch
"There's a lot of blood, sweat, and guts between dreams and success" - Coach Bryant
by TopDaddy on Nov 25, 2011 7:43 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
A sacrifice to the gods on behalf of Auburn
This is America folks, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we should remain thankful that we live in a country where fair play is cherished. And because of that, I feel it’s important to remember what this country is all about and that we try to be fair when offering sacrifices to the football gods.
A sacrifice should be offered on behalf of Auburn as well, so the football gods can choose which sacrifice they deem most worthy. While we place our own beautiful women on the sacrificial alter, is it really fair to only have one side of any contest represented?
I say hell no. Auburn or not, fair is fair. And I don’t think the football gods would appreciate it if we only offered our own sacrifices and not have any sacrifices in the name of Auburn.
Also, since Bama is such a heavy favorite in this game, and since two ladies have already been sacrificed in this thread on behalf of Bama, I feel it appropriate to offer a double dose of sacrifice to the football gods on behalf of Auburn. Flame me if you will, but it’s only fair.
Therefore, I offer this sacrifice on behalf of Auburn. May the football gods judge us based upon the sacrifice for each team. On behalf of Auburn, I present this sacrifice to the football gods.
Double-dose…..
May the football gods judge the sacrifice of the two schools accordingly….
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. ~General George S. Patton~
Here's my true love
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. ~General George S. Patton~
Fantastic Alabama bewbs.
RBR's King of Hip-Hop...
by SpockJenkins on Nov 25, 2011 11:49 AM CST up reply actions
Quite a rack you got there, Skarth.
Paul W. Bryant,
Sir Alex Ferguson,
Truly the best of both footballing worlds.
by TiderUpNorth on Nov 25, 2011 1:06 PM CST up reply actions
Thanks...they're real,
And they’re spectacular…
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. ~General George S. Patton~
by Skarth on Nov 25, 2011 1:16 PM CST via iPhone app up reply actions
Dang...
I thought that was just a pic you got from the intranetz. I didn’t think that was you/wife/GF. Didn’t mean to be a cad. Apologies.
Paul W. Bryant,
Sir Alex Ferguson,
Truly the best of both footballing worlds.
by TiderUpNorth on Nov 25, 2011 1:24 PM CST up reply actions
I don't typically mean to be a cad.
It just comes naturally sometimes.
I will put an asterisk next to an Alabama Crimson Tide "fake national title" the second one is given. That day has not and will never come. But to be fair, I'll give you 1941 if you give me 1945 and the Missing Ring of 1966.
by NewAnachronism on Nov 25, 2011 7:55 PM CST up reply actions
2 nights ago
I watched the movie PS I Love You….by myself…..while manning an Army tactical vehicle.
That white stuff on the top of chickencrap...... is chickencrap.
Thanks for your service
Now, I’m revoking your mancard
by PhiladelphiaBammer on Nov 25, 2011 11:14 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
But the real question is...
did you like it?
RBR's King of Hip-Hop...
by SpockJenkins on Nov 25, 2011 11:48 AM CST up reply actions
no, but i knew that
my wife would, so i enjoyed it from that perspective. oh, wait does that undo the voodoo?
That white stuff on the top of chickencrap...... is chickencrap.
As long as you were doing this for our country so we don't have to
I couldn’t care less which chick flick you spend your time watching.
by ELIminatingthecompetition on Nov 25, 2011 1:03 PM CST up reply actions
This memory had been blocked out until recently when I ran into an old fishing bud...
20 years ago two of my friends and I had backpacked into the High Uintas primitive area in search of the elusive Golden Trout. There were 3 lakes that were rumored to hold populations. The second morning I took off alone to the highest lake, about a 2 mile hike. I caught about 30 small brook trout but no goldens and started back to camp about noon. We had seen no other people since leaving the truck at the trailhead.
As I made my way around a small boulder field I noticed an almost new camo bandanna just lying on the ground. I pick it up and tie it around my head. I get back to camp about 2:30 and both of my buddies are in camp. We start swapping info from the morning fishing and Derryl says, “Nice bandanna but you probably shouldn’t wear it after you wipe your ass with it.”
Yep. I ripped it off my head and sure enough, there’s a poop smear right across the front.
Bandanna went into the fire and I spent 20 minutes scrubbing my head and hands.
"All I wanna do is drive around in my truck and drink Jack Daniels... and they just don't understand."- Kenny Stabler
Bastard.
You held that back LSU week?
'There are two pains in life. There is the pain of discipline and the pain of disappointment. If you can handle the pain of discipline, then you'll never have to deal with the pain of disappointment,'- Nick Saban
I honestly had forgotten it until I saw Derryl last monday.
Better late then never. It won’t hurt to have some hoodoo this weekend either.
"All I wanna do is drive around in my truck and drink Jack Daniels... and they just don't understand."- Kenny Stabler
You didn't get mobbed by flies?
Paul W. Bryant,
Sir Alex Ferguson,
Truly the best of both footballing worlds.
by TiderUpNorth on Nov 25, 2011 1:08 PM CST up reply actions
Not at 11,500 feet. The mosquitoes and gnats were thick enough to not notice flies.
"All I wanna do is drive around in my truck and drink Jack Daniels... and they just don't understand."- Kenny Stabler
You forgot that you wore
a poop encrusted bandana?
"I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was
hell."
- Harry S Truman
And you forgot how to reply?
#eyekeedeyekeed
RBR's King of Hip-Hop...
by SpockJenkins on Nov 25, 2011 12:18 PM CST up reply actions
No, I did not forget. I was the next one in line after
Utah’s most recent comment about the subject. My comment was posted in the spirit of jest. You should try it, too.
"I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was
hell."
- Harry S Truman
awkward
turtle
Audemus jura nostra defendere
Every day we make it, we'll make it the best we can.
by animalcracker on Nov 26, 2011 5:43 AM CST up reply actions
I thought i'd shot my load LSU week.
But I have slowly remembered awful things about my life.
I honestly think this is all I’ve got. This should cover the next two weeks. If it won’t get us in the ’ship, nothing will.
In third grade, I let out of bomb of a fart. I was mortified. I think because it was so loud no one could get a grasp of where it came from. I said nothing. No one ever found out is was me. Damn hard plastic desk chairs.
In fouth grade, I promised a girl I’d be her boyfriend if she would drop out of the SGA senator’s race for our class. She was my only opposition. She dropped out. I won the seat. I never became her boyfriend.
In fourth grade, I refused to watch the Joy Luck Club because it was rated R and I was only 10. That singlehandedly ruined my reputation for the rest of elementary school. I was a btich and kids are assholes.
In sixth grade, I didn’t made the track team beacuse I was slow, white, and pathetic. Since we we’re a small school, we didn’t have a person for each event. I ended up doing the high jump because the PE didn’t have time for that shit and because my mother was a teacher at the school, ergo fringe benefits. I never made it over the bar at the track meet, never.
In sixth grade, Someone put a blueberry on my seat at lunch. I sat on it, not knowing it was there. Everyone laughed at me because it looked like I’d shit my pants. I called my old man crying like a bitch and begged him to bring me a new pair of jeans. He said sure, and then I specified I wanted my Levi’s and not those damned Lee jeans he’d bought me. He then went on a tirade about how he would bring whatever jeans he damn well wanted. I cried some more and informed him I would be laughed out of class if the guys catch me in Lee jeans or so I thought. He told me to quit being such a brand whore and brought the Lee jeans just to shit on me further.
In sixth grade, a friend and I sang to a couple of girls we had crushes on. It was a lipsynch type thing at school, with 200 or so people in attendance. I then asked her out backstage after singing her unchained melody. She said no. Even after I had given her a glass bottle coke. She also turned me down when I asked her to both sixth grade dances. And after I’d brought her a rose at one of the dances. She also threw a pool party for our sixth grade graduation. I got too sick to go. My one chance to see her in a two piece.
In seventh grade, I cried because a teacher dicked me on a project and I though I was going to make my first B in a class in my life. It was terrbile.
In 2007, the same night/morning I pee’d on that strangers bookbag, I passed out on the front porch of my house in Tuscloosa(long story), and woke up when my father(minister) and mother(reformed hell raiser) pulled up in the driveway. I jammed a piece of Big Red in my mouth, hugged them, waited on my roommate to unlock th front door since I didn’t have my keys and everyone but me was on the quad for gameday(long story) , and commenced to run to the shower, take a shower, and go pass out in my room until lunch. If memory serves, that same day my sister passed out in her bread bowl at the table at the Atlanta Bread Company(BottomFeeders is there now, by Papa Johns), and I threw up in the bathroom. My parents were there at the table with us. I’m sure they we’re proud.
The part about the Lee jeans
has me crying I am laughing so hard. Great admissions!
"Auburn people are stinky"- my 3 yr.old daughter
by You can call me Al on Nov 25, 2011 10:20 PM CST up reply actions
HH's Sacrifice.
Well, seeing as how the football gods failed us against LSU, yet redeemed us last weekend, I am offering this up to both the football gods AND goddesses, in hopes that maybe we’ve just been neglecting to include all football deities and this will fix that.
This is easily one of the things I’m most ashamed of.
The summer before my senior year of high school, I was the maid of honor in my cousin’s wedding. She is basically my big sister and so entrusted me with many, many details of the planning, although I was only 17 at the time. I even found her a new wedding dress (on sale too!) when her custom one came in the mail and was… well.. less than what we’d hoped.
In the flurry of the wedding day, I was doing her and my own makeup, dealing with her soon to be husband’s emotions (dude was so nervous he almost threw up on his dress blues and i had to find some gingerale and a small trashcan), amongst the general chaos of a wedding day. My parents handed me an envelope with money somewhere in all this mess, that was supposed to be given to the bride and groom to be spending cash during the honeymoon.
Very, very convoluted and long story made short, I forgot to give them the card. I had stuffed it in a bag and not discovered it til I was home that night. “No big”, I thought, “I’ll give it to them when they get back”. I placed it in my nightstand with a book, knowing that I’d see it and not forget.
Well, I did forget. For a year. When I found it again, I was just a few weeks from moving to Bama. I thought what the heck, it’s been over a year, they live in another country now, I’m about to be at college, I’ve spent almost all my graduation money. I opened the envelope and pocketed the $100 bill inside.
It’s the only thing I’ve ever kept/taken/stolen.
make them hate themselves.
by HoundstoothHeart on Nov 25, 2011 12:55 PM CST reply actions
I should turn you over my knee.
"All I wanna do is drive around in my truck and drink Jack Daniels... and they just don't understand."- Kenny Stabler
Look,
I know it’s not on the same level as the bowel problems/drunken antics/usually sexist-as-hell douchebaggery, but I feel pretty bad about it. More than “pretty bad”. Probably because I know my dad would be disappointed in me if he knew.
make them hate themselves.
by HoundstoothHeart on Nov 25, 2011 1:07 PM CST up reply actions
That is pretty bad
But it made me think of another one for myself. My mom gave me an envelope with some cash in it for her tithes at the Church when I was in the 11th grade. It was tithes she had saved for a few months since she had stopped going to Church for personal reasons. It was right before Spring Break and I had no money so I checked out the envelope and it had over $900 on cash in it, which ended up being my (and my friends) Spring Break money, and boy did we put it to good use.
About 8 years later though I felt guilty as hell about it and gave a thousand bucks to the Church. Hopefully that’ll save me in the afterlife.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. ~General George S. Patton~
by Skarth on Nov 25, 2011 1:27 PM CST via iPhone app up reply actions
ok,
i feel slightly less bad about mine.
make them hate themselves.
by HoundstoothHeart on Nov 25, 2011 1:29 PM CST up reply actions
Hey a similar thing happened to me on my own wedding day
but in reverse. Someone was supposed to give my bride an envelope with cash in it. As we drove away I asked her how much money was in the envelope and she didn’t know what I was talking about.
We’ve been married 33 years and I’m still upset about that one although when the guy who took the money died several years ago I forgave him.
If Auburn was in New Mexico and we never played them I would still hate them and their dumb coach and their cheating players.
I'm a girly-girl.
I love pink.
I love baking homemade cakes and pies.
I love expensive shoes.
I love romantic movies, especially “The Notebook”.
I belch like a man. Not just any man, but a skanky, truck-driving kind of man.
And I like to say “Roll Tide” while I am burping.
My 10 and 12 year old sons think I am awesome.
"Auburn people are stinky"- my 3 yr.old daughter
by You can call me Al on Nov 25, 2011 1:07 PM CST reply actions
For people who prefer Beefcakes instead of Sweethearts:
Chris Hemsworth in Thor.
Iwan Rheon, singer-songwriter, actor in Misfits, and my current favorite.
Rafael Lazzini, Brazilian model
enjoy! :)
make them hate themselves.
by HoundstoothHeart on Nov 25, 2011 1:21 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Thor makes me a believer. Nicely done, Princess.
by Queen of the Universe on Nov 25, 2011 2:06 PM CST up reply actions
I'll take one of each please.
"There's no substitute for guts."
by SoundCheckMama on Nov 25, 2011 3:31 PM CST up reply actions
My mom's in town
And we went by the NBC store yesterday. There was a shirt with a giant picture of Tim Riggins that read “#33 on the field, #1 in my heart.” I thought of all of the female RBR’ers.
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -Bertrand Russell
Wardrobe confession...
Firstly, it is more extensive than any man’s should be. I have sweaters galore, slacks coming out of my ears, I am extremely fond of the collared Ralph Lauren polo & rugby shirts, dress shirts to match ensembles… My outfits MUST match. There have even been a few times when the ensemble doesn’t work, I’d call in late (or even sick) to work.
I’m NOT a hoarder, damn it! I just reeeeeeally like my wardrobe… Which brings me to my Bama gear. I was 12 years old in 1989 and I wanted the Alabama sweaters that were out at the time. I saw coach wearing one on TV and I had to have it! Christmas rolls around and not only did my Dad get me the white one, but he got the crimson one too! I was STOKED. I’m also very appreciative of what I have, so to this day, I still have both of them and I wore them proudly this week. In retrospect, what 12 year-old boy asks for clothing for Christmas? : \
Paul W. Bryant,
Sir Alex Ferguson,
Truly the best of both footballing worlds.
by TiderUpNorth on Nov 25, 2011 1:22 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Asking for clothes for Christmas
is totally different than asking for Bama gear. I always hated it when I got a “cute little shirt and tie” (mom’s words), but Bama gear always got me pumped up, and I always asked for it. And they could have gotten me a nice sweater or just a T-shirt, and it wouldn’t have mattered because I needed something Alabama to sport to the nice places just as much as I needed the T in the backyard. As per your post…first paragraph = confession; second paragraph = normal Bama fan. (Though I will share TiderInTN’s amazement that you can still fit in those sweaters!)
"Let's go be champions, boys!" - Greg McElroy
(Formerly SugarBowl93)
by RememberTheRoseBowl on Nov 26, 2011 8:06 AM CST up reply actions
if i keep losing hair
My butt will have more than my head
Roll Tide Y’all
People who live in glass houses should not hang out with Charles Barkley.
by Wallacewade04 on Nov 25, 2011 1:33 PM CST via mobile reply actions 2 recs
Hence, your angry-man 'stache pic?
Paul W. Bryant,
Sir Alex Ferguson,
Truly the best of both footballing worlds.
by TiderUpNorth on Nov 25, 2011 1:47 PM CST up reply actions
I feel your pain.
I’m just not as advanced as you.
I will put an asterisk next to an Alabama Crimson Tide "fake national title" the second one is given. That day has not and will never come. But to be fair, I'll give you 1941 if you give me 1945 and the Missing Ring of 1966.
by NewAnachronism on Nov 25, 2011 7:41 PM CST up reply actions
Tim Riggins doesn't care for Auburn either.
by Queen of the Universe on Nov 25, 2011 1:59 PM CST reply actions 2 recs
Happy Black Friday to me!
"There's no substitute for guts."
by SoundCheckMama on Nov 25, 2011 3:32 PM CST up reply actions
This morning while I was sleeping
my wife took our dogs out. She slipped on the wet leaves that I hadn’t raked up yet and cracked her ankle. The worst part is that I didn’t hear her calling (actually screaming at the top of her lungs) for me to come help me.
Spent 4 hours in the emergency room.
I feel like shit.
Okay football gods & goddesses, that should be worth 50+ over West Opelika.
by BamaFaninATL on Nov 25, 2011 3:38 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
I have a strange array of skin issues...
I have dermatographic urticaria, which pretty much means anything that puts pressure on me can cause hives. This includes bras and panties. Lord help me if I put on a pair on undies that sit wrong, because it can cause personal area hell.
Today was one of those days. I was itching like crazy. No self respecting lady scratches her crotch in the way I felt the need to… I was MISERABLE.
About a year ago this bottle of dog skin care lotion showed up in our little cubby hole at work. No one knows who it belongs to or how it got there, so it just sits there. Until today. I picked that baby up, saw the expiration date was in 2010, and kept going.
I put dog lotion on my privates today, and it felt pretty damn good.
Sacrifice. Work. Self-discipline. I teach these things, and my boys don't forget them when they leave. Paul "Bear" Bryant.
by RocksinBama on Nov 25, 2011 4:33 PM CST reply actions 5 recs
I dont know
If i were Arnold Rothstein id pay Ryan Braun all the money he
wants to stop going on homer streaks against the poor Astros....
am i the only one?
by ccislanders on Nov 25, 2011 4:47 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Lord have mercy on you!
I too battle with chronic urticaria caused by pressure. Heat and stress will trigger mine also. If someone told me pig urine would help the itching I would try it, so dog lotion doesn’t sound so bad. Give me the brand so I can keep some handy. God bless you, girl. I feel your pain.
"Auburn people are stinky"- my 3 yr.old daughter
by You can call me Al on Nov 25, 2011 4:54 PM CST up reply actions
I don’t remember the brand name.. something like Good Earth? It has a pretty Golden Retriever and a lady Vet on the bottle. It says it works for insect bites, eczema, and other itchy skin conditions. I have to admit, I’ve tried a bunch of lotions and cortizone creams, and this one ranks way up on the effectiveness scale! I’m going to pilfer the bottle Monday, and let you know then!
Sacrifice. Work. Self-discipline. I teach these things, and my boys don't forget them when they leave. Paul "Bear" Bryant.
I have a scratcher.
"All I wanna do is drive around in my truck and drink Jack Daniels... and they just don't understand."- Kenny Stabler
If I thought that kind of scratcher would work....
I’d be RBR’s new sweetheart!
Sacrifice. Work. Self-discipline. I teach these things, and my boys don't forget them when they leave. Paul "Bear" Bryant.
Copied and pasted from the chat archive between myself and a lady I am more than just fond of:
I’m pretty firmly on team Edward thus far
but I’m definitely more of a Jacob
and there you go
the gayest thing I could ever say
FWIW, this was said between viewings of New Moon and Eclipse.
I can't grow a mustache.
My beard, however, is nice and thick. I’m closer to 30 than 40, but only just. Also, my hair sweater is coming in like my beard did 10 years ago: in patches, but thick in places.
As an aside, I still remember the “sacrifice” the LSU game week: oatmeal with milk. Add enough sugar, it isn’t that bad. I grew up eating it. Oatmeal with butter, salt, and pepper, otoh, is disgusting.
Third shameful admission: I don’t know who the sweetheart is on the top of this thread. There, football gods. Is that good enough for ya?
I will put an asterisk next to an Alabama Crimson Tide "fake national title" the second one is given. That day has not and will never come. But to be fair, I'll give you 1941 if you give me 1945 and the Missing Ring of 1966.
Definitely not enough poop stories in here
I had missed church for about 6 weeks in a row during my first semester as a sophomore at UA. Some of you may not think that is bad; but to my Southern Baptist mind, it was something that had to be fixed.
The weather was pretty cool in Tuscaloosa that morning, and I was looking forward to wearing my new slacks and a spiffy sweater that always provoked compliments. I spent extra time getting ready that morning, primping for an unusually long time in anticipation of the clean slate that morning’s church service would provide.
Taking one last glance in the mirror, I decided that I looked good, I felt good, and it was going to be a great day. As I walked out of my dorm room, I lifted my leg to let out one of those all wind, no sound farts that signals the start of every great day. It was a great big one that lasted a good two seconds, and I was on top of the world.
As I exited the building, I felt the build-up of another pleasant morning fart. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. So I teetered on one leg in mid-stride…and experienced my first “shart.”
I skipped church for the 7th consecutive week.
Audemus jura nostra defendere
Every day we make it, we'll make it the best we can.
I once had the stomach flu
when I was about 15, and spent all day lying on the couch in our den with a big bowl by my side. At one point I felt the strong urge to fart, but knowing what that was going to produce, I ran to the bathroom. Now, the downstairs bathroom at our house was the size of a decent bedroom, so we’re not talking a little half bath here. As I got to the door, I start taking down my pants so I’m ready to go when I hit the toilet…except I never quite made it there. From the entrance of the bathroom, halfway across the room was a trail of…well, yeah. I was totally humiliated, and got in the shower to clean myself up before I dealt with the nastiness in the rest of the room. My problems were not over, however. That bathroom also served as a laundry room, and mom yelled for me to stay in the shower while she came in to grab a load of clothes. Before I could say anything, she came in and saw what had happened…by the time I had gotten out, she had cleaned everything up, and I felt like an incontinent 5-year-old.
"Let's go be champions, boys!" - Greg McElroy
(Formerly SugarBowl93)
by RememberTheRoseBowl on Nov 26, 2011 7:10 AM CST reply actions
The current girlfriend-almost-fiance and I went to a movie on our first date.
It was Twilight. It was worth it.
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -Bertrand Russell
It was worth it once.
But what about all the Anniversary Re-Watches? Man, you gotta at least get a Tom Hanks rom-com in there before long and hope her memory blurs which once came first…
If you're a man...
I have a feeling your BCSNCG hoodoo admission will have the word “rom-com” somwhere in there.
Thirteen.
I think I might have used that one, so here's another: go big or go home.
My wife calls my chest hair my “under- undershirt.”
Thirteen.
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
