Spencer Hall's 100 Absolutely Certain Thoughts about the upcoming college football season includes this humorous listing concerning Don'ta Hightower:

21. You stir in your sleep sometime around three in the morning sometime this fall. Dont'a Hightower glares at you from outside your bedroom window, and mouths "YOU." Don't be worried. He does this to everyone.

20. By "this," I mean "is waiting outside your window to kill you."

19. This is the least frightening thing about Dont'a Hightower.

Which is properly terrifying but, personally, I'd be much more worried if it happened to be Courtney Upshaw due to the evidence you see in the video above. Of course, I'd decline any opportunity to take a full-speed lick from one of the Crimson Tide's starting linebackers because, well, I'm not crazy. 

But it does make me wonder... if you had to get hit by one of them for some enormous monetary compensation (and it would have to be really enormous) or to atone for doing something awful (and it would have to be really awful) who would you LEAST want it to be?