Your Friday Hoodoo Thread and Radio Hour

My eyes will bleed, but who cares? WE NEED THIS.
/goesandaskhimselfwhyhejustmadeabadpledge

Please mighty football gods give us the win Monday night. I promise to watch all 4 seasons of Cake Boss with my wife in consecutive nights with out bitching about how bad it sucks.

…I’m kinda immune to public embarrassment. But here’s a clip from a production of A Tuna Christmas that I did at the Oklahoma Shakespearean Festival (I’m the bigger of the two guys wearing dresses). The fun comes about 10 seconds into the clip when I turn to expose the little ol’ lady dress-wedgie I’d gotten.

That’s gotta be good for something, right football gods?

For my embarrassing submission, I will let this picture finally make its way to internet. Yes that is a full-length Ninja Turtle snuggie….

For my promise of future pains if we win:
I will download the following and listen to them WITH PEOPLE AROUND SO THAT I CAN’T DENY IT: a Katy Perry album, a Blake Eyed Peas album, and Adele’s album.

…yes, I deleted the just posted “alternative sweetheart” (you can find what you missed here if you’re so inclined) for two reasons:

1. That’s pushing it a little too far with the near nudity
2. Seriously, why does that picture keep getting thrown around all “omg bama girlz=hawt”? That’s a terrible photoshop, let it die.

You know, back in the day…all black, lipstick, pancake makeup, hair permed and dyed?

Jus’ lemme know.

…for a ‘Bama win, I’ll watch “Sex in the City 2” with my wife WITHOUT consuming any alcohol to numb my senses.

…and his disciples, Courtney, Jesse, Swagga, Barron, Barrett, Marquis, Darius, Dont’a, Menzie, Lester, AJ, Circle Button and Cade the Forgotten,

We need this win. I offer unto thee a pic in the days when I was running a Goth night club in all its untouched glory: Behold the Black No. 1, the stoned eyes, the bronze lipstick, the pancake white foundation.

but if supporting the REO Fagwagon of this decade will help us win, I’ll do it. Roll MFT!

I have to offer up this, I will watch every Michael Bay film for a win.

I’m spent from the last LSWho and Boogs games. I feel as if I’ve got nothing left to offer.

But I’ll dig deeper… I really can’t comprehend us not whipping their asses Monday night.

instead of going for one embarrassing admission I thought it would be more humiliating to share the most overall “embarrassing” time of my life..Here it goes.

My nickname from 8th – 10th grade was….here it comes….Fat Lyell.

Sure the original creator said it was suppose to be Phat Lyell but you know high school kids and it didn’t take long for it to turn into Fat. Now this normally wouldn’t be so bad, right? I mean its just a nickname. Well, at this time I attended a very small “Christian” school in Nashville, TN. When I say small I mean there was 30 kids in my entire Freshman class. Not just one class mind you. So when there’s a total of maybe 120 kids in the entire Senior High a nickname is much more than just a name. It becomes your identity. I had girls (especially the ones I liked) call me Fat Lyell. I’d walk into a class room and it was written on chalk boards. During Friday morning “Devotionals” with the whole school, if i ever had to get in front of the school, all I could hear was FAT LYELL. I didn’t have a single girlfriend during this time cause no one wanted to date Fat Lyell.

I tried to embrace the name and that didn’t work. I tried beating people up…that didn’t work. I tried letting it fall off my shoulders and hell that didn’t work. Truth be told i was one angry ass kid. Cause the truth was I wasn’t fat at all. I was normal (ok kinda large) size. But for some reason the school was made up of abnormally small people. I was about 6’2’’ 230, built like a bull and I was considered fat. Really?

Even with all this I had one thing going for me and that was the fact I was really good at football. (I was biggest kid in the school as a freshman) So the only time I was able to get my revenge was during practices. So I did and I enjoyed every minute of every practice…Which only made the problem worse to be truthful. No matter how well I played in games I was never to gain acceptance by my classmates. Summer Camps were hell on earth cause I had fellow teammates trying to hurt me so I couldn’t play during the regular season. WTF? So outside of sports I really had no defense. I was the new kid in school and had no “back up”. I guess they didn’t like that I came in as a 9th grader and took the starting spots of Juniors and Seniors and the only way they could beat me was to get in my head. Sadly it worked.

The greatest day of my life was when my dad told me we were moving. I didn’t care where we went but it had to be ANYWHERE outside of Tennessee. To this day I hate the state, every non bama fan in the state, every kid, woman, dog, dust mite..When I arrived in Tallahassee I quickly found out that I wasn’t fat…I played football and did pretty well. I get my twitter name ‘TheLyell’ from my time at Lincoln High in Tallahassee. I guess the name was so different i was simply THE Lyell.

This better be worth a damn TD or something..

I watched, and, actually liked the movie “Moulin Rouge” (Nicole Kidman is smoking hot in that one)
Back in the day, I did indeed wear acid-washed jeans… and (most ashamedly) owned a pair of biker shorts.
In the acid-washed jeans days… I had a crush on Debbie (now Deborah) Gibson (though I think Tiffany would have probably taken her in a fistfight)
I tried Zima once, but, didn’t enjoy it
I actually purchased a Kylie Minogue CD back during my clubbing days (my girlfriend at the time was really into her)

All I can come up with at the moment.

CBS (after the commercial break) focused on a blonde Barner cheerleader that was dancing to that horrible Zombie Nation tune. And my anger (over the TD) evaporated immediately because I wanted to try the Sri Lankan position with that misguided (and HAWT) young lass. Lord help me.

I use baby powder on my “region” daily because it makes it fresh and prevents chafing.

I once sang rocky top during the phil fulmer years.(i lost a damn bet)

I was caught by my uncle(who’s a deputy) getting it on with the sherrifs daughter, parked in a field.

I think I once had sex with a 55 yr old woman from a bar not long after I turned 21. I woke up beside her. Still not sure about that..

Think thats enough to get us the win?

i am less excited (have watched no bowl games), less informed (haven’t read RBR in sooooo long, haven’t twitted with the tweeps, & haven’t listened to sports radio) for this national championship game than for any other game EVER in my life and i think it’s because we have played them before. it feels like just another SEC game…

i hate myself for feeling this way.

not as good as my hipster tendencies list, but they’ll do.

1. I have considered being a Hooters Girl to help out with school expenses. A good grad school is expensive and th ejob market is lacking.
2. I kissed a Corndog on New Year’s. Yup.

I just listened to all 8 of the Nickleback songs form the November 4th thread.
/goesandshootshimselfinthelegtorsothenhead

… not a usual participant in the embarrassing admission / hoodoo thread, but it won’t get any bigger than this, so I’m going to bite the bullet. Here we go:

If we beat LSU on Monday night in the ’Dome, I will read every book in the Harry Potter series. Every. Goddamn. One.

This is more of guilt than anything..but a few Christmas’ ago some kids rolled my douchebag neighbors yard while he was out of town on to his relatives..well after they did it..I went out there and put his plastic reindeer in sexual positions..I think those kids got cited for criminal mischief…I never said a word.

that is one of the more obviously retouched and reworked images I’ve seen in quite some time. You might as well post a cartoon.

HS junior. I was in a really bad band, one of the classic FFA kids who attempt to rock bands of the day. This meant, for you youngsters, butchering Lynyrd Skynyrd and Eagles songs loudly.

We practiced awhile, then got to play the 1st citywide pep rally at the stadium. We opened with Sweet Home Alabama, of course, and, when time came for the first lead fill between verses, I stepped up proudly with my cheap Les Paul custom copy and my stylin’ white overalls (yes!) and cranked it out. My bandmates had been impressed when I worked that part out, and the crowd really responded to it now, too.

Embarrassing admission part: that shit went to my head. Thought I was some kinda rock star in small town AL for a week or more. That, and the white overalls…

1. I once slept with an ex who had cheated on me for the sole purpose of getting even with the girl who he cheated with. He left my house and proposed to her the same day. They are divorced now.

2. I once slept with a guy in my dads bed, and somehow caught one of his pillows on fire. I changed the pillowcase hoping to not get caught, but between the hole burnt into the damn pillow and the mismatched linens, I was busted.

3. My high school sweetheart ruined me for life. After dating a year and a half, he got very religious and eventually broke things off. He then sent me a letter saying that I was sent by the devil to lead him of the path of righteousness, but he had conquered his temptations and found his way back to Jesus. I’m scared of Catholics to this day.

4. I participated in a deodorant taste test once, just for giggles. Ban Ultra Clear won, for those who might want to try it. I also ate play-doh, to see which color tasted best. White won. I was WAY old enough to know better.

5. I like Boones Farm. A LOT. Too much. I conceived my 1st child drunk on Strawberry Hill.

Ron Weasely, or whatever the hell that kid from Harry Potter’s name is, is apparently attempting a singing career. By complete serendipity, I saw the music video for his song “Lego House.” I loved it. I mean, I really enjoyed this song. I will likely buy this song and try to find others.

I did not drink until I was 21. That night, I thought the Yeungling my friends had purchased was “gross” but I really dug the strawberry daiquiri that was in the fridge.
I would rather listen to talk radio (sports, politics, aliens, whatevs) than music.
I like listening to Rascal Flatts.
I’ve never seen any movie you folks think is cool, so I spend a lot of time googling shit. However, I will discuss the merits of any movie released by Feature Films for Families in the 1990s.
I once wore a blue dress shirt with an orange sweater.
Without shame, I talked up Duke’s football team (“Cutcliffe is a genius!”) to some poor guy in order to unload 4 tickets for $200. I paid $250 for the entire 2010 package.
No matter what color the shirt is that I choose to wear, my belly button lint is always a pale blue.
I almost had to leave Afghanistan because of a serious wound inflicted by…a splinter.
I have a soft spot for the University of Tennessee.
I don’t like the Meltdown threads.

I like Charles Barkley.