It's Meltdown Time! | Rivalry Week Edition

John David Mercer-US PRESSWIRE

This week's shameful revel in the misery of others is made all the more delicious by the sweet, sweet taste of rival tears. Point and laugh with us at Auburn, Clemson, Florida State, Georgia Tech, Southern Cal, and Texas.

Extra hearty Roll Tides to lonemdg, adeleswims, Jeff (no, the other one), J Tadpole, montesn, ThatOtherDave, DennyChimes, bornbama1, and *Name Redacted* AKACJ for submitting this week. Meltdown Time wouldn't be possible without y'all's weekly efforts.

WARNING: There is a lot of vulgarity ahead. A LOT. If you are easily offended by cursing, sexual innuendo, potty humor, or basically anything that you can get offended by, do not read any further. You have been warned.


AUBURN

It sure seems like Bama is trying to take too much away from this win. It wasn't exactly a monumental feat to beat AU. It was more like when AU whipped up on Alabama A&M last week. Not a lot of excitement afterward. I expect Bama to have their hands full next week at the SECCG. Georgia should be ready to play. Go Dawgs!

The officials took Auburn out of the game in the first two possessions and effectively ended the night...I guess they were a little nervous about getting 'Bama back to the NC game...In the first 'Bama possession, they failed to call an obvious hold on AJ's scramble and then a bogus hit on the receiver who ducked as the hit was coming...On Auburn's first possession, on the key third down play, the 'Bama defender was drapped all over Blake before the ball arrived and no call...'Bama would probably won the game anyway but it would be nice to play them straight up for a change...Congrats 'Bama, no go out and destroy Georgia...

SART OVER! And Take down the tree stumps and put up a massive fire breathing golden eagle. Any Alabama fan that try's to walk by the massive fire breathing eagle gets incinerated instantly. War Eagle! And go to hell Alabama.

Don't worry COACH will be back and will return AUBURN to its rightful thrown atop SEC football

Loss 200 games in a row by 70 points and say you did it for Jesus and get a raise at Auburn.

It is much better to be a Christian and know you are pleasing to God than to win football games by cheating like bammer does.

I am going now. I have a newly painted wall that needs my undivided attention. Much more exciting watching it dry. WDE...maybe next year. Georgia will win the SEC championship. ND and Ore in the BCS title game.

Barrett Jones' shoe is the only thing that's slowing down their offense

Do we have triple digits in missed tackles yet? Gotta be getting close

This has to be the least stressed out I've ever been for any Iron Bowl... So there's that.

Over/under on me going through all 5 stages of grief during this game is 4 minutes 27 seconds.

Does Saban come out in the second half or does he stay in and watch Georgia film?

Whatever, I'm having angry sex tonight.

Aaaaand out comes the bourbon.

It's kind of like after you take the final for a really awful class. It sucked, but at least it's over and now I can go drink myself into a minicoma

He shoulda just said "I dont give a shit anymore, my ass is getting fired anyway"

i vote to fire all the coaches at halftime and let james van der beek coach the 2nd half.

Fuck this. I'm playing video games.

When you can blow a timeout to tie a players shoe it's time to go on and put the back-ups in.

The correct thing to do is have Chizik one of those big novelty checks and just give it to him as the bus is pulling away from Bryant Denny, leaving him in Tuscaloosa to go throw dolla bills at the coeds on the Strip.

Cant wait for verne to have a stroke due to multiple orgasms as aj mcarron throws a perfect 97 yard strike to the great TRUE freshman wide receiver AMARI COOPER to lead bama to their 15th national title. Fuck you verne and gary. Cant stand your bias.

Fuck chizik. Yep, fuck him right up his 5-19 ass.

Auburns players should dump gatorade on Saban for ridding them of Chizik

I CHANGE IT FOR 2 SECONDS AND FRAZIER IS IN. WTF AUBURN. WHAT THE FUCK.

icing on the cake. keep all those fuckers on the sidelines and let some of the scrubs play. at least they will try.

I'm in this until half time unless Cam dresses out

I wonder if these kids actually played football in high school. At this point it doesn't look like they ever learned a form tackle or how to cover a receiver.

I wanted to believe in chizik, I tried to for as long as I could...but i cant do this shit anymore. Fuck him and this shitty ass defense.

OK, serious question: If an Auburn sniper shoots Saban (in the leg) is that considered unsportsmanlike conduct? This needs to be considered.

If it meant 100-0 loss to them in order to get rid of Jacobs, Jackson and co., then sign me up. Unfortunately, I'm afraid Dr. Gouge only has the fortitude to let Jacobs fire Chiz.

Bama could run between the guards all day and stay in their base D and i bet still win by 2 t.d's

For everyone wanting to keep PornStach...look at that confused defense...no thank you

Pull a g'damned livestock hauler onto the BD turf and load all these mfukers to Donaldson Penitentiary.

I guess this isn't a good day for me to start my "Reasons to keep Chiz and Jacobs" thread that I had planned.

We're gonna run it up the middle, run the clock and get the fudge outta turdville.

That's all the updykes have to do, just run Lacey and Benedict Yeldon between the tackles. Game, set and match.

Even Satan looks bored

fudge you Eugene! fudge you for making this season miserable, fudge you for fielding the worst Auburn team I have ever seen. fudge you for fielding a team that has no discipline and quits. Speaking of quitting. fudge you players, have some heart against your biggest rival. Just b/c you coach is an undisciplined tard doesn't mean you have to. Then again I guess you are following example of your coaches. I flipped over to the UF/FSU game. Don't care to watch the rest of this abortion of a football team. I knew we would get our asses beat, but Christ on a crutch

And anyone wanna reference the creed or the bible in re: Petrino - well they can go fudge themselves after they look at this score.

I dont understand. Im just repeating the things that we have all said throughout the offseason even though all signs pointed to the opposite direction. Im all in for CGC, Assistant Head Coach Trooper Taylor, the Stache, qb coach to Tom Brady CSL, and YOX. I believe in the creed and I also believe Auburn football is more than just "wins" against SEC opponents. Its about doing things the right way and knowing we are God’s team. Its about recruiting with integrity and running our program with moral superiority. If I were a Bammer I would see no more reason for celebrating this win than I would for celebrating a win versus Western Kentucky. Those idiots.

I totally agree, our lack of ability in the areas of: conditioning, game prep, recruiting quality players, or coaching every position on the field had nothing to do with how this season turned out. Our guys suffered emotionally throughout the year and it showed on Saturdays. The Bammers have no concept of what a real disaster and distruction is to their community. I’m just thankful we have Christian coaches like CGC, Assistant Head Coach Trooper Taylor, the Stache and YOX to lead our Auburn Men through these hard emotional times. I just hope these fair weather fans will get off their backs and let them all have a couple more seasons to right this ship. We are young too.


CLEMSON

BOYD WHY ARE YOU CRACKING UNDER PRESSURE. STAHPPPPPPPPPP

I just want to cry now... Don't judge me. A girl gets emotional about football, too. T___T

i'm surprised we didn't get a pass interference flag on the goddamn sack!

Holy FUCK was that embarrassing. It's like we don't even have a defense on the field. 3rd & 19?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Fire everyone again. Cut the defense. Steal players from the SEC. Do something. FUCK.

IT JUST RUNS IN OUR BLOOD TO FUCK UP.

Oh good lord, another flag.... So many fucking flags in this fucking game. Has anyone been counting?

I AM SO FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THESE STUPID CALLS. DABO, I FELL YA BRO.

Trebek, I'll take Clemson fucking giving it away for 400.

The chick-fil-a bowl is so gay. (See what I did there?). =)

South Carolina is playing with a backup QB and RB. Don't fret though, we could pull random people out of the stands and they would likely do better or as well at the safety position. God they suck.

The day I develop heart problems is the day I stop being a fan of Clemson....this shit would kill me

Clemson will have to lose 50-0 in a bowl game vs a SEC team to make this season worse.

We are a JOKE !..Keep believing in this Crap Cu fans!!!We are a LIVING IN LA LA LAND giving our hard earned $$$$$$$$ to BULL SHI$$$$$$$$$T compliments of dada daba doo doo ####!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOO! We are 2nd in the midget conf!!!!!!!!~!!!!!!...is this what we want we crow about ?????????....God help us !!!!!!!

Great season! man those duke and wake wins were impressive dont forget about those great maryland and bc teams we beat

yeh beating that 2 win auburn team was a thing of beauty

for all the dabo supporters there are a few sec jobs open does anybody call dabo? no and that is the problem because 10-2 in the acc = 6-6 in the sec

Trying to pick a new team who plays real football. Should I go with Uga or Bama?

Morris uses the run to set up the next 23 consecutive pass plays.

i have been a die hard tiger for 35 yrs but until we start to care about football again im done. Going to buy some uga gear tommorrow. screw u dabo for putting this crap on the field

Remember Dabo saying leaving the ACC would be the biggest mistake this school has ever done? WRONG. It was experimenting with promoting YOU, Dabo, to Head Coach.

The reason he doesnt want to leave is because of easy wins It is falsly padding his Win record when in reality in any other conference he would be a 500 coach and our university fires 500 coaches. Ive never seen a bigger smoke and mirror coach than what we have right now.

If we bowl against Texas A&M, I have one question: Is there a mercy rule in college football?

USC has left us behind thanks to being in the SEC.

We cannot recruit the type of d we need being in the ACC. Playing the best makes you better. Playing the weakest ACC teams does not prepare you for teams like USC.

For those of you who will tell me bye.....let me beat you to it kiss my arse!

Losing sucks and to USC is worse!

Have we fired anybody yet? If we ain't firing, we ain't tryin

Lets Face it, we are a Prodcut of a Shitty Conference nothin more nothing less

I'm sorry I ever mocked that 9-6 "Game of the Century.


FLORIDA STATE

Welp, it's that time again, the "point the cameras toward the shocked hot chicks."

What the fuck did the Noles do in the locker room during half-time? I feel like the scene from Space Jam occurred with Tebow tears.

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH SHHHHIIIIIITTTTTT

Oh look, our offensive line can't block again. What a surprise. Fire Rick Trickett already.

Three years of Jimbo, three years of hype, three years of mediocrity. Stoops seems like he's thrown in the towel - so we need to either promote him to head coach or axe (figuratively speaking) the motherfucker.

I'm all about those 4th down fuckups.

14 points in two minutes. I need an oxygen mask.

Holy shit. It's like we don't even give a shit about 3rd down conversions with these weak runs.

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS.. why do I even bother.

I may have just shit myself.

I swear to science, if we lose by pure field goals....

At least we weren't undefeated going into this game. Think how much worse it would have felt.

In our defense, UF basically had 3 weeks to prepare the game. The SEC has been pulling this shit for a couple years now, giving UF an open week before our game. They upped the ante this year and gave them two open dates. It's done purposely so UF has a better chance of beating us. It's a smart move to improve the SEC's image. The ACC really needs to start giving us an open game as well, instead we play a conference game, a game that matters every year before UF.

The SEC has also started doing it with the Clemson-USC and the UGA-GT games the last several years. They all have an extra week to prepare while the ACC teams have to play conference games.

Can someone clarify something for me? I can't tell from the commentating whether there is/isn't "love lost" between these two teams. Does anyone know?

Ugh I hate everything about the ACC. We need to get into a real football conference and face real competition. We're getting seriously outclassed in this game.


GEORGIA TECH

My god we suck. Can we just forfeit the ACC title game and spare the ACC any further embarrassment?

Smelling a pick 6.. Nevermind. We still suck on D.

We have 11 gutless weaklings on defense and a stupid coach who recruited these girls.

Is it time to drop series? 11-1 over last 12 years does not a rivalry make?

About Ogletree: "Chop that --er in half Godhigh. That is your assignment."

I’m pulling for someone to put a helmet through the knee of Rambo, Ogletree, or Jarvis Jones. I’d consider the day not a total loss if that happens.

Game would be about 21-14 without the turnovers. Difference in teams not as much as 28-3.

FACE IT – Even GSU is better than us…

Are they going to let the football program compete or not. Either compete or drop to FCS. Can’t continue with the status quo. Embarrassing!

Wow. This is not what I was expecting. Let’s not schedule any more games with non-ACC teams from now on LOL

Nick Saban, we need you!

Team is LIVING a re-release on Deliverance Ned Beatty scene (wheeeeee, wheeeeee).

On the gas pedal. A 56-3 hobnail boot stomping will be our only hope that the administration will finally be as embarrassed by this series as the fanbase. Then they can either decide to give our coaches more tools to compete or drop this ‘rivalry’ and move on.

1:38 away from scoring less than Ga Southern.

Sad-texas-longhorns-fans_medium
TEXAS

We're multi-dimensional, man. We can lose in a wide assortment of ways.

I've heard smu crowds louder than ours tonight.

I can't decide which is worse: our defense or our offense? Seems to be whoever is on the field at the moment

At this point, I'd rather toss Holly Rowe's salad than watch this second-rate bull$#@!. And that's after she worked up a sweat at the gym & devoured a greasy double cheeseburger.

This team is terrible. All of the people who jumped back on the bandwagon after Tech and Iowa State better not try to jump back off and join the rest of us.

You guys keep bitching about Ash. It isn't Ash. He's a symptom of pussy football. We're playing it because our coach coaches it.

Once again, we come out not ready to play. How dare TCU come out fired up and ready to go. $#@! Mack Brown

Big 12 noobs come into our home and skull $#@! us in our house. Fck you seniors

Not to worry manziel wasn't even our 2nd choice, we are the ultimate evaluators of talent

Yall think Mack is fired up there....He is, but he's mad at himself for not having that second slice if pie.

Stop me if you've heard this before "the longhorns missed two tackles on that play"

When Ash threw his picks, I thought, "man, QB should never go full retard." And then there was Case...

STOP CALLING MUTHERFUCKING OUTSIDE BLITZES WHEN THEY'RE HAVING SUCCESS RUNNING UP THE MIDDLE.

We suck again!

This is not cause I'm bitter (although I am), but... Does TCU's mascot look like a Pokemon character to anyone else??

Our athletic department holds none of the coaches responsible for their shit teams because somehow we still make more money than everyone else. It's fucking ridiculous

Fire everyone. Literally everyone.

I've lost track of who is coaching our QBs these days.

Is it a monkey? I think it might be a monkey.

Did they just say that Case McCoy has "swagger"?

the fuq

I feel like that scene in the Waterboy where Bobby Bouche gives the ball to that guard.

McCoy, you fucked us!

I will be spending the rest of my evening hitting my head against a wall to cheer myself up.

Miss Tackles. Miss Tackles Everywhere!

I'm just gonna eat my feelings away :(


SOUTHERN CAL

"this is the area the defense has struggled." Might as well circle the whole field Herbie

LOL KIFFIN GON KIFF

Kiffin's strategy: fuck it, just throw it deep

Beef O'Brady Bowl HERE WE COME!!!

WELL FUCK ME IN THE ASS FOR BEING A USC FAN! FUCK KIFFIN AND THE AD

No way Kiffin survives this off season. Right?

Our defense is just poop. Fresh from Monte's rectum.

Welp, see you guys at the Hometown Buffet Bakersfield Bowl.

Oh God is ND going to win the NC? This is my nightmare.

WOOO GET ME A BEER AND LETS ENABLE THE SEC TO WIN AGAIN

Fucking Kiffin you asshole

THESE GODDAMM 3RD DOWN CONVERSIONS AEFJA;OEFJA;OIFJAE;FJWEFFUCK NOTREDAME

I hope that Pat Hayden is making a bunch of phone calls to head coaches around the country. The Kiffins aren't doing anything for this program.

Al Borges calling the plays for USC? Running up the middle went for a loss before, LETS DO IT AGAIN

I saw my 3 year old daughter tackle the cat once. She could easily start for SC's Defense

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