EXCLUSIVE--MUST CREDIT ROLL BAMA ROLL -- EXCLUSIVE
TUSCALOOSA -- Roll Bama Roll has uncovered evidence of a nefarious player-signature distribution scheme being run by the University of Alabama Athletic department. At various times during the year, the school forces the football players to autograph hundreds, if not thousands, of items for select members of the public. These items can then, in turn, be sold either online or at one of the mall kiosk exchange centers that are rumored to be located throughout the state.
According to people who have attended these unscrupulous events in the past, players are lined up at tables and forced to sign their signatures like laborers in an Indonesian Nike shoe factory. To add insult to injury, the players have to do this at the end of a practice in the brutal Alabama heat. With diligent work, our crack team of investigators has obtained official documents from the school admitting these events take place on a regular basis and that one is planned within the next few days.
When confronted with the evidence of these events Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban refused to address the allegations.
"Who the hell let you in here?" he said. "Can't a man drop a deuce in his own building in peace?"
Furthermore, Roll Bama Roll has learned that officials with the NCAA are aware that these "signature-sweatshop" events take place and the association's compliance office is preparing to launch an investigation into them in the near future.
"Yeah, we'll get right on that," said the official we contacted who didn't give his name before hanging up on us.