TRUNKATION: Why Arkansas is so hard to pick on

Stampy gets confused with so many tusks on the field at once

Ricky Muncie successfully avoids any actual research about this year's Arkansas Razorback team, while stumbling into a large vein of social media fools' gold.

From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Arkansas TRUNKATION

Hey Ricky.

Haven't heard from you yet, and it's getting late. Went ahead and posted a shell of an article for you, and uploaded that header you sent us last week.

Give us a shout if we can help.

As always, Roll Tide!

————————————

From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Re: Arkansas TRUNKATION

Sorry, guys. This is really hard this week.

You know how I like to play with angles and numbers and all sorts of hoodoo to highlight key stats? I just can't do it this week. And it's not for the reasons you might think -- like how Arkansas lacks the basics like trigonometry, or counting to 21 without unzipping your fly. It's... it's her.

Jen Bielema.

She's no Miss Terry, by any stretch, but damn she is hot. And the moment she came into my sights, I just couldn't do it anymore. I mean, any woman willing to do this is just asking to be TRUNKED by Ole Stampy:

Trunk_ark_splash_2_medium
I mean, I couldn't bring myself to bring those tusks any closer. She is just awesome. She consumes my every waking thought. She's even attracted to the right body type for me!

So no. I can't do it.

All the best,
Ricky

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From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: Arkansas TRUNKATION

That's it? Nothing but a love letter to Jen Beliema?

Granted, we agree with you that this is a pretty sparse week. Arkansas has no passing game to speak of, and their coach seems to have left the running game in Madison. After scoring the first seven last week, they've given up 52 in a row, and there's a very real chance that Nussmeier could extend that to 100 before HEY WAITAMINUTE. You're doing that thing again, where you get us to do your homework for you.

Seriously, we need some meat, or it's back to the Knoxville Nickel Trader with you.

As always, Roll Tide!

————————————

From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: A special edition of RBR Investigations

It's all good, guys. It took me a few guesses, but I was able to figure out Jen Beliema's Twitter password. God, I love her so much. Here's what I found:

RBR Investigations Presents:

Jen Beliema's Twitter DMs

A Ricky Muncie exclusive

Jen in a hot tub (w/ @BretBeliema)

Jen_and_bret_medium

Jen loves shopping (w/ @BretBeliema)

Jen_and_bret_2_medium

I want to be in a Jen sandwich (w/ @jenvrab)

Jen_and_jenv_medium

Jen is not above asking for help (@Kristi_Malzahn)

Jen_and_kristi_medium

Jen stands by her man (with a @JessicaDorrell)

Jen_and_other_dorrell_medium

Jen really stands by her man (and not with @SamSteelePonder)

Jen_and_sam_medium

Jen knows how to twerk it! (@MileyCyrus)

Jen_and_miley_medium

From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Re: A special edition of RBR Investigations

Psycho babes are the best.

————————————

(Editorial note: Please be advised that the preceding blog post was written by Ricky Muncie. Seriously. If you don't know how to take that by now then God help you, and you clearly have no business whatsoever using any of the social sharing buttons below. Nor should you post this on any legitimate news site. Even in the AL.com comment threads.)

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