NSFW: It's Meltdown Time!

Scott Halleran

This week's edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others.

Mercy. In my wildest dreams I never imagined that last week's five-team meltdown could be followed up. Then this week happened. As always, the language below is utterly disgusting. Seriously, y'all, it's awful. If your mother is around, do not let her read this post. It is not suitable for work and should definitely be screened from small children. Please read no further if you are easily offended. Consider yourself warned.

No less than six fanbases managed to get themselves all worked up this week, folks, and it's tough to pick a winner among them. With so much material available, I am certain that there are additional goodies floating around and as always we encourage your contributions below. We have some long, passionate gems this week from Dawgs, Gators, Cocks, Bayou Bengals, Aggies, and Uncle Clem. Coach firings seem to be the theme of the day, with multiple commenters hoping to see Kliff Kingsbury get his guns up in their team's colors. Topics range from suicide to baboons to Miss Cleo. Enjoy.




Gadance_medium

via cdn2.sbnation.com

FIRE THEM, FIRE THEM, FIRE THEM, FIRE THEM, FIRE THEM!
"Plan D, Dumbass"
Get ready...the 2 assclowns running the O will play Murray every down the rest of the season trying to get us into some crap bowl nobody cares about and Mason will come into next season with no meaningful game snaps. I'd laugh my ass off if he transferred to a D2 school...serve their asses right imo.
I knew that targeting rule was going to go against us all season, Almost like it was implemented to provide a way to screw UGA over.
Time to clean house. Go let richt proselytise
You think Richt will feel guilty about that big CHECK he'll get? Nope...he's a good man but he ain't stupid...at least in that regard
What if Richt was a Muslim?
lol we don't need no ST coach, i got it covered, LOL ST coach
Does anyone not think CMR should be fired? Who was the last coach with his laid back attitude that has won a title?
Pu$$y team Just like coach
McGarrity should be on a plane to Lubbock, Tx will full authourity to make a deal. Texas Tech can't keep Kliff Klingsbury the school is to small. Bring him to the SEC with our full commitment.
Welp, if UGA football is going to be water off a duck's back for me, guess I need to get off chat and engange in something productive. Y'all have a good one.
the fool who put #5 on the punt team needs his ass kicked
This really could hurt our MNC chances
Did someone on our team call "Miss Cleo" and piss her off? It looks like somebody done put some bad voodoo on this team.
Are there any JUCO stars of sketchy moral fiber available right now? Just in case the whole Mason thing doesn’t work out in 2014.
FIRE THEM ALL...HIRE JAMES FRANKLIN
Just sitting here with an almost empty bottle of bourbon and am empty glass watching the South Carolina and LSU games on DVR. What could’ve been. What we once were. That seems like a lifetime ago.
Everything's bothering me right now. I'm mad that our commercial sucks so bad. Why can’t we consistently long snap with competence? Isn’t Nathan Theus a freakin’ scholarship long snapper? We used a scholarship on a long snapper. WHO DOES THAT?!
Shaw will have no credibility if he doesn't fire officials tonight.
ATTN: All 2014 SEC games cancelled. No SEC team is projected to be able to field enough players to play after the infamous SEC bloodbath of 2013.
Has any team seriously been shit on more than Georgia this year? I feel like everything that could go wrong keeps happening.
SEC's leading career passer? Let's give it to a freshman walk on running back instead of throwing it. Amazing logic. Fuck you Bobo.
FUCKMIKEBOBOFUCKMIKEBOBOFUCKMIKEBOBOFUCKMIKEBOBOFUCKMIKEBOBOFUCKMIKEBOBOFUCKMIKEBOBOFUCKMIKEB
The targeting rule is so fucking retarded. If want to eject players for vicious hits, do it by the hit rather than making it every questionable hit. And JHC is hurt fucking great
oh for the love of all that is good and holy FUCK EVERYTHING
Jesus Christ. All these bullshit ass rules to protect players from bullshit injuries, yet in every bullshit ass game I watch, 14 goddamn players get injured. bullshit.
This is a fucking farce. I'm sick of this fucking hipster convention.
SPECIAL TEAMS. FUCKING SPECIAL TEAMS. WE'RE GOING TO LOSE TO FUCKING VANDERBILT. BECAUSE OF FUCKING SPECIAL TEAMS.
Please tell me this is the game that finally gets Bobo fired. At this point I'm willing to lose every game this season to see him gone.
Every single time Damian Swann is back there he fucks up. I've said it for years. Bad decisions inside the 20, and now this. Put McGowan or Davis back there. Fuck Damian Swann.
WHAAAAAAAATTTT?!!!!! YOU'VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME FUCK A FUCKING DUCK THIS IS FUCKING FOOTBALL YOU ARE FUCKING SUPPOSED TO HIT A MOTHERFUCKER GODDAMNIT but seriously that second targeting call was horse shit.
Fuck this year... Targeting, ACL's.... Concussed punters... I hate everything…
Targeting by the defense on the ball. Cannot return an interception for a touchdown without risking someone being potentially injured in the confusion as players run the opposite way down the field. Automatic ejection. Vandy touchdown and Georgia is forced to pay a $10,000 fine to the NCAA for the infraction.
ALRIGHT, FUCK YOU BOBO AND FUCK YOU GRANTHAM!
What a fucking shit-show. I need some people I can rage with and break shit with besides my GF who is just like - "awwww that's to bad at least they tried hard."
Fuck it. Just fuck it. Fuck our coaches. Fuck the refs. Fuck our freshmen. Fuck our injuries. Fuck these unranked teams getting signature wins. Fuck these close games. Fuck the defense. Fuck Murray. Fuck Bobo. Fuck Grantham. Fuck Richt. Fuck Gurley for being out so long. Fuck it all.
Worst sports state w/o question is Georgia. How much shit can one state take?!! ALso, Bobo is fecal trash, fire the dumb fuck

Fladoink_medium

Time to start buttchugging 190 proof everclear until I'm dead.
I SAW IT! ONE OF YOU LITTLE FUCKERS IN THE STAND JUST DID A GATOR CHOMP. ALL BETS ARE OFF ITS FUCKING ON
starting a band. "Trey Burton and the Shitty Wildcats."
well the good news is, we won't be ranked. Can't be overrated if you don't have a number! finally
Oh my god, you guys. Someone is actually going to die on the field in Jacksonville. Like, remember the old GIJoes with the rubber band in the middle, and you'd twist that rubber band too hard and the guy would just snap into pieces? That's gonna happen. Someone is going to get sacked, and there's gonna be a torso and a pair of legs.
How do make ball fly in air get yards?
Hey, people that lack the ability for rational thought, THIS IS WHY FLORIDA FANS ARE FUCKING MAD. ASSHOLES
Fuck it. Fire everybody. Muschamp is just as much to blame for continuing to let Pease fuck around. Seriously? Taylor runs 5 plays for a TD, and then we go right back to Brown? Are they fucking retarded? Fire them all and get somebody in there who actually tries to win. This is pathetic, and if Mizzou does this, South Carolina is literally going to murder somebody. I was never this disgusted during the Zook years. FUCK.
At least we will get a high draft pick.
THAT NEVER WORKS WHAT THE FUCK PEASE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT
Okay, so we're gonna lose to Mizzou. BUT GEORGIA IS ABOUT TO LOSE TO FUCKING VANDERBILT SO IT'S ALL GOOD.
Hey Missouri, if/when you beat us today, please don't Gator chomp. It hurts. You can rub it in any other way though. I like you guys. I don't want that to change over silly chomping
WILDCAT WHAT DO YOU KNOW. BRENT PEASE KILL IT. KILL THE WILDCAT KILL IT. jikawodiuaiufhiuawdawodawd WHY.
That drive was hilariously bad. WR screen? Why would you call that on 1st down with the success on the ground the previous drive? Okay, second down, lets run? Maybe? LOL no. No WR separation and Murphy throws it away. Now its 3rd and long. Can only throw. Go to hell Pease
Florida should just go max protect, keep like 9 blockers back, and run just one WR out on a route. Fuck it.
What are those plays were the QB takes the snap and throws the ball forward to a receiver downfield?
So I'm gonna go get a shower right now, and I'm dedicating it to the Gators. May the literal washing of my body be the metaphorical washing away of our Offensive failures. May the washing of my taint be the washing of the taint engulfing our entire team. I will return fresh, and pray our team returns fresher.
Am I excited at the possibilities of having the ball? I don't know if I am…
taylor, a little sparkle in this pile of shit
Fowler is the diamond you swallowed then passed, sitting in a nice pile of shit
Florida's offense couldn't score seven points in NBA Jam.
This team can suck my dick.
I don't really know what to say other than Jesus tittyfucking christ our offense is bad at just about everything. I miss Dan Mullen.
nice block number 64 oh wait. fuck you
To all your questions: I have no idea. I have no idea what goes on in that head, or why you would ever do anything Florida does on purpose.
These refs are dildos Plain and simple
Fuck it I'm ordering pizza Screw trying to be healthy today I deserve to treat myself the way this game is going.
Time for a faux confession subthread. I’ll probably cry myself to sleep watching The Notebook tonight to forget about this.
HAHA FUCK YOU BURTON.
Florida Offensive Possession (generalizing).... First down….ineffective run that gets stuffed at the line or stopped for a loss. Second down…sack. Third down…desperate throw that is either dropped, off the mark, or miraculously caught. I am being driven to alcoholism…
Alright, shut it down! Time for drinkin.
Burn it all down UF. Burn it all down. We're terrible. No offense. No discipline. Nothing. I hope Foley drives a truck to Charlie Strong's house and gives him every spare dollar the UAA has - including the spare $84,567 in the waiting room couch cushions.
We are 4 years removed from a National Title and can't score 10 points in 2 weeks, with a brain-dead OC who refuses to try anything aside from what he's already proven does not work, and an O-line that can't hold up against a slight breeze.
If your offense went 6 quarters without a TD and you only put up like 70 yards of offense, you're telling me you would be pleased? Happy? Excited for the future? Because if you answer yes to this, you're a god damn liar

Spurrierface2013_medium

via assets.sbnation.com

Hello darkness my old friend....
You have got to be fist fucking me.
I said it after the Georgia game, and I was kind of wrong. But I'll say it again. There goes our fucking season. No SEC East title, no BCS game. Fuck.
i'm gonna give my self a timeout in the corner and call some timeouts while i timeout myself to death. good bye.
Hold me... Someone... Please…
I might die today.
It hurts to live.
Can't decide if I just wanna cry or find and strangle Spurrier. T.T What a poorly coached game.....
FINALLY in Tennessee territory. edit: God fucking damnit.
ARE YOU FUCKING ME SIDEWAYS? WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT!
Ok. If that's a forward pass, why wasn't that intentional grounding? Why doesn't every running back just pass it forward when they're about to be tackled for a loss? Probably because there's a rule against that. I doubt that it's just because it's a risky play. I doubt that. I'd hammer the shit out of that button in NCAA or Madden if my running back was being taken down.
Jesus Christ how man mental mistakes can me make Did our team snort glue before this game
Crap, I found this thread only after I slit my wrists....
I'm never watching another football game again.
Clowney in the post game presser: "If Steve Spurrier wants to coach our team next week, we will welcome him back."
Spurrier blows (timeouts). He must have started drinking before the game today. Usually just before the show.
The only thing Spurrier & Bryant will ever have in common besides an SEC and National Championship is their alcoholism.
I think slurrier started drinking before I did today. At least he should have waited til halftime.
I feel like i sat on a bicycle seat wrong…
Bottom line...thxs SOS, but don't let the door hit you in the ass. Tanner - HIRE KLIFF KINGSBURY!
So tired of connor shaw. Hope he's out for the rest of the season.
I want championships. We would've been in position to take over our own destiny late in the season if we would've beaten this inferior team. Now we're not, and we may not ever be. Right now, we are operating in a window of a down UF and a down UT. That window will shut soon, and we will be right back in 2005. That's reality, ladies. Time to wake up and smell the coffee.
Maybe we can slip back into the ACC or join the AAC where we can win.
the reason we will never win championships....becuase we dont PAY players and we dont BUY players and we dont BUY championships. Its a fact that Bama, Ta&m, auburn and hell even CLEMTECH have bought championships AND players. We play by the rules and unfortunatley in this era that wont win. Its pretty obvious when the JOKE of a comission we call the "NCAA" just brushes all that right up under the rug…
It must be easy to be a Bama fan. FU BAMA!!!!

Les_miles_clap_medium

via cdn2.sbnation.com

Wouldn't do much worse if we had a retarded baboon running the sidelines with a headset on.
I'm starting to feel like some of the USC fans I know out here. They hated seeing the trojans lose, but they also knew each loss got them closer to dumping Kiffin, thye were very conflicted. I know exactly how they felt.
You think Mett will be drafted high. He flushed that down the shitter tonight.
Les Miles has made me Comfortably Numb
Would we have lost this game if Nick Saban Were The Coach?
It appears Les didn't get enough humiliation 1/9/12. Now he is leading us to a loss over a unranked, three loss, Ole Miss team that is missing their best two defensive players. Well at least Les is consistant and we are now a 10-2 team on a good year and who knows how bad it can get as we slide to SEC also rans........
It's almost to the "who cares" stage. In my entire life it has never before been there. Might just as well have Archer or Hallman.
1-9 killed something inside of me. For a few minutes last November, a part of it came back. 58 seconds later, the scab was pulled off. We're second fiddle. We are the 90's Tennessee of the west. Bama is Florida under spurrier. They're better and we all know it.
Les was handed the program on a silver platter and has been running it into the ground ever since.
If Saban were still coach, we would have another 3- 4 crystals and the fear of every team in the nation.
"We've secretly replaced the competent Zach Mettenberger with a pod person from the planet Jefferson. Let's see if LSU fans notice!" YES. WE DO.
"HURRR HURR. I'm just gonna PUSH HIM!" TACKLE MOTHER FUCKER. LIFE ISN'T THE FUCKING TRUCK STICK.
this is fucking terrible. do you want unsurmountable leads to come back from Tigers?!!? BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU GET THEM. fuck me, where's my dealer.
If you guys need me, I'll be hanging from my shower curtain rod with a fucking shoe lace tied around my neck.
christ on a cracker, this is the last time i watch a game with less in the armory than a 6 pack.
This Stubhub Ticket Oak commercial makes me intensely uncomfortable for some reason.
I finally figured out why all the LSU players look so downtrodden and sad and have no fire in them. Our defense died and this is the funeral
Fuck it! At this point I'd be okay with Bama running the table just so all the SEC haters don't get a final non SEC NCG before the playoffs start next year.
I swear to god I won't cry
Hotty kick me in the dick
We can all agree. Fuck Alabama and their schedule.
Drinking whiskey like "Yeah we had this planned"
I just want to take my anger out on some Ole Miss girls by sexual means I mean this in a good way and not a rape-y way
He is truly like your really stupid but funny and loveable uncle. He's family and you really do care about the guy. But he can't hold a job, can't help but frick up every time you really need him to do something important, shows up drunk and unprepared at the worst fricking times. That really is Les. I'm sorry but that's the truth.
What are the best hotels in Nashville? Wanna get my reservations for the Music City Bowl locked down now.
Quotes youll never hear from Miles..... "It's Tuesday, lets get better now" "Cam, we can pick them apart on swings and z ins, five yards at a time" "Nice adjustment....." "Hell yes, I know where I was when Jones hit Davis" "Hi, Rolex asked me to tell you about precision in timing.." "Hi, The Boy Scouts asked me tell you about being prepared..." "On behalf of the team, fans, and the State of Louisiana I proudly raise this crystal ball.." "If they're happy with a top ten and the Chicken Bowl, let 'em eat cake..."
looks like ole miss just told us that we have a buttfricking retard as a coach. LSU is being fricking robbed of 5 million a year by a highly retarded coach. we should just start over at this point. our oline is soft, the dline is softer. the linebackers are slow as frick and a wet floor sign would do more than dj welter at this point. our secondary is half way decent thanks to freshman. We have two elite wrs and a top flight running back but les prefers running others instead of our best guy. we have a good oc but he was forced to keep a worthless oline coach, a tight ends coach that does god knows what since our tightends are the worst in the sec. Then we have a dline coach that i was told is good but im not buying it anymore because we seem to always be soft even last year. Our linebacker coach is a tard because its our dc that is too lazy to go recruit and our db coach is clueless. Summing it up we have about 3 functioning members on this staff: frank wilson, cam cameron and henry our wr coach. the rest of the staff drags them down starting with the 5 million dollar clown. LSU is the most expensive fricking comedy show in the world.

Atmstrugglefaceolemiss_medium_medium

via cdn2.sbnation.com

I'm so wasted I could bone a fat girl and so mad I'd donkey punch her just to watch her cry.
I had planned only doing a few key bumps. But due to my anger and rage it has turned into inhaling my whole 8 ball!!
I've taken out a half bottle of Jameson and about 6 pints of mosaic IPA. I'm one unhappy mother****er right now and want to throw bows
stupid bryan trash who wanted a handout from A&M so she decided to be "staff" for the game. She took it upon herself to try to get me thrown out of the game because some of her friends were standing in my spot that I had a ticket for. She threatened to call the cops on me to which i replied "call the ****in cops". Cops did not come. I then tried to watch the band during halftime after paying for a $6 Dr. Pepper and she found me again and tried to yell at me to "step back behind the line" when literally everyone was standing behind the last rows watching. God i hate those ****ty townies who go on a power trip.
This is the worst f'n defense I've ever seen in my life
This **** is unacceptable. Hadn't made up my mind until today but no effort whatsoever but our D can't tackle and is completely lost. Sorry but Snyder needs to be shown the ****ing door.
**** you officials. **** you defense. **** you offensive line.
it's a damn shame this defense can't stop a wet fart
Goddammit. Stonehands Hicks dropped the pass that hit him the hands. Then on the next drive, Joeckel didn't do sheet.
**** you o-line. **** you defense. **** you Snyder. **** you McKinney. **** you Auburn. **** football. **** everyone.
THROW THE MOTHER FCKING BALL YOU FCKING IDIOT FCK YOU
Mark Snyder needs to be fired TONIGHT. During the press conference.
Pack your ****ing **** and get the **** out of here you worthless piece of ****. Defensive mistakes are all on you. I swear to God if you say it's a lack of depth, talent, experience, I will find you, I will ****ing gut you like a fish you stupid mother ****er. Go back to south florida where you ****ing belong. YOU ****ING SUCK
damn this sucks what an abortion by the defense
There's always next year. Here's to hoping I'm not on meltdown time this week.
Snyder. His monkey ass needs to be on the hot seat. Big time.
Seriously tired of this ****. We have arguably the best player in college football and we get ****ed in the ass cuz we hire and put up with **** defensive coordinators and **** ourselves. This is becoming a horrible trend. When are the ****ers with all the money gonna figure this **** out and hire someone who's gonna produce a decent defense. It's the same **** since 2003, it takes 10 years to figure this **** out? Yeah we looked decent on d last year, the talent has drooped off, blah blah blah mother ****ing blah, but you show little to no improvement since day one this year? I'm sorry *******s, thats ****ing coaching. We spend so much ******* money on our stadium, facilities etc. but we can't hire a consistently decent defensive coordinator in the last 10 years???? What the ****??
Nothing is going to happen this season regarding this defense. There will be no Capitol One or Cotton Bowl. Maybe the AutoZone Liberty or the Houston Bowl. If we are lucky, maybe the Music City Bowl.
And the football experts on here said that we would get better as the season progressed. ha ha ha ha
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong SEC team ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no defense ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Fuck it, somebody give me a queeno
Fuck our defense. Fuck them so hard. Come on boys
superjohnny superjohnny superjohnny SHIT
I can't believe THIS is the game I'm missing. I'm gonna shit a chicken on my building manager.
I hate all schools from Alabama.
I AM GOING TO SHIT MYSELF I CANT CONTAIN IT
Does anyone have the name, address, and phone number of The Auburn Ref who ****ed away the JFF Horse Collar Call
What's the refs name who was so quick to get in Johnny's face after the last touchdown, I'm so tired of that bull****! There has been so much trash talk on the field this season by the opposing teams yet every time johnny so much as looks in the direction of a defender the refs get in his face and threaten him with a flag! BSe A

20131019_mje_ak7_134

via cdn1.sbnation.com

no mathmatical way to understand how much beer I am drining
I wrote a Haiku during the game, it goes like this: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
If anyone wants to know what it is like to be a clemson fan: Imagine an amazing looking porn star is sucking your dick. You are about to finish when she slaps you in the ball sack.
Hey I was at the orange bowl, at least I couldn't watch this one in the valley. Being student section looked less fun than being punched in the balls 51 fucking times
We got beat so damn bad it almost doesn't even hurt at all. I mean seriously it's just such a numbing feeling. At least until I realize just how comical it was how bad we were beat. Then I at least feel something. Seriously all I can do is sit here with a little deranged laugh like the Joker would do.
Been drunk for 16 hours and counting...riding this into Monday morning and never watching ESPN again.
ORANGE BOWL. HE SAID ORANGE BOWL. FINISH A HANDLE ---> SHOOT YOURSELF IN FACE.
For Sale: Cinderalla slippers. Never worn.
I'm glad that our defensive coordinator had a game plan that consisted of "just go out there and play hard". what the fuck
My 7 year old said that the Clemson receiver slipped in the horse poop.
Sheeeeeee-it. My two-year-old just learned a new word.
Has anybody else wanted to pull a HeavensGate since the game? I bought my Nikes.......you?
Yeah I left early The team acted like they werent excited to be there so why should the fans? The team put forth a half *** effort and deserved to play in an empty stadium. You arent a better fan for staying, youre just a glutten for punishment…
We have to be the only under achieving team in America who year in and year out think we should be playing for the MNC just because we are Clemson. You say your a Clemson fan.Well so am I ,but when are we going to wake up,smell the roses,and realize we are not a top 5 program.
daboI-ING not clemsoning the orange bowl debaucle on national tv. the 4 and I believe soon to be 5 defeats by the coots. he got away with a last second win against lsu. AND now this TOTAL and I mean TOTAL beatdown by what looked to me like a well coached well prepaierd bigger,faster,hard hiiting fundamentally sound Seminole football team.
I hope all the so called tiger fans in the north upper deck enjoy the gas money you got for selling your tickets to FSU fans. The obnoxious drunk beside me would not have been able to mount a fair fight so I left him alone. If you are too old for night games go to a nursing home. If you need the money that bad get a job. Or at least have enough sense to sell to Clemson fans.
In the realm of Native American lore last night will go down as "the Massacre in the Valley" with many many many scalps taken and no warriors lost. Morris said "it's on" earlier in the week and it truly was.
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