I've Got To Get My Hoodoo Out Early.

Sorry that I have to post this early but I'm traveling and won't be able to do anything until late Friday afternoon. And, I am concerned about Auburn though on paper it looks easy. I'm still scared of their luck. So here goes.

A more detailed account of this is in my book. But the embarrassing part, I left that out because to be honest it is just too embarrassing. But here is the shortened version.

As a high school junior me and 7 other guys took a two day, weekend, 35 mile wilderness canoe trip in February. 8 guys, 4 canoes, 4 tents, food, etc. On day two of the trip it was cold, really cold, like 40 degree cold with a stiff wind.

At this point the other 3 canoes left us and paddled down river. Then in an idiotic move my canoe partner, a kid named Sam, jumped from the bank into our canoe while I was sitting in it and tipped it over. The water was so cold I almost drowned just from being so cold I could not breathe. And the other canoes were already out of sight.

Although everything was soaked, we survived. We got the water out of the canoe. However we were wet and all our dry clothes were wet. We could not even build a fire as our matches were wet. Our only way to survive was to strip down to our briefs (glad I was not wearing boxers) and paddle the 5-6 hours basically naked. It was without a doubt the coldest I have ever been. It was a miracle I did not get frost bite. After 6 hours of paddling we were still in just our undies. However, as we approached the take out point/bridge I knew we would live. And the other guys and there canoes were already there and loaded up.

A bit about logistics. We had been dropped off on Saturday morning by one of our dads. The plan was for a different dad, to pick us up down river on Sunday afternoon. The dad assigned to pick us up was Mr. Cain. Mr. Cain’s son was named Harold, but he went by Harry. Harry Cain, was nicked named Hurricane for obvious reasons, and he was a bit of a nerd.

Ok, so as we approached the bridge I could see it was indeed Mr. Cain’s station wagon with a canoe trailer. But, what happened next is the embarrassing part. You see Hurricane had a twin sister. Her name, I kid you not, was Candy, Candy Cain. (Just a side note-- parents, do not name your daughter "Candy" it just sends to many wrong impressions to young lads.)

At any rate Candy Cain was the hottest girl in our school. And I had spent a great deal of time over at Hurricane’s house not because I liked him, but just to look at her in shorts. And she often dressed in a crazy provocative way. She was a blond, a real platinum blond. And she often wore these tight red sweaters with tight white shorts. She actually was trying to be a candy cane. And she would have been one except she was not straight up and down. It was more like a candy cane with great curves.

So as we pull up to the bank, me still in my underwear, who do I spot right on the bank but Candy Cain wearing a tight red sweater. And it was cold and well there were more than just curves on the girl this time. She had a case of what we use to call "cold girl syndrome."

And, when I saw her standing there in all her 17 year old fresh, hard cold body it was overwhelming. And then it happened. Let’s just say something on me stuck straight out and it wasn’t my tongue.

I knew I was in trouble and I tried to look away and think about broccoli (it was all I could come up with.) But that did not work. So, I started to splash cold water onto my more expanded regions.

Now cold water had always worked before but this time I was already so cold it made no difference. As the canoe came to shore I knew everyone there could see my dilemma. The guys, Mr. Cain and even Candy.

As me and Sam climbed up the bank, still in our undies (he in control and me out of control) Candy said to me "Hey Fifty it is good to SEE you" and laughed a little giggle which normally would be cute but now felt like a dagger.

"Good to see you too" which was a lie because at that time she was the last person I wanted to see, even in her own expanded condition.

Well, the ride home was horrible as well. They gave me and Sam a blanket to cover up with but Candy insisted on riding in the very back seat between me and Sam. I can’t believe her dad let her do that, but that is where she ended up. And, she kept saying stuff like "Was the trip real hard" and "I bet it was an exciting time." And "I can’t wait to tell everyone at school about picking you up." No doubt she was messing with me and sending a message that I’d never live this day down, which is really all I had wanted to do in the first place.

Ok, that ought to be worth 10 points and two turnovers.

Oh, by the way, I never went to Hurricane’s house again.

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