FanPost

My Embarrassing Admission A Little Early


Sorry to post this early but I’m leaving for Texas and the game in the morning and I wanted to make sure this got in. I’m not really good at doing the internets on my phone so I won’t be around much until Monday as today is a big get away day.

Ok, I’ve been married to an awesome woman for the last 35 years. She was my first (I actually waited until the "I do’s") and she has been the only woman I have ever been with. (This is not the embarrassing part.)

The first seven or so years of our marriage the physical aspect was very spontaneous. Then came kids and things became more planned. The frequency was down, but still probably more consistent than many married couples with kids. And, as time went along we sort of fell into a routine of every third day. I know this may sound weird, but in spite of the predictability, the passion was still very strong. If anyone would have asked if I was happy with that part of my life I would have replied –absolutely. (This is still not the embarrassing part.)

So things were great until about two years ago when I started to have trouble completing the assignment (by the way–just don’t get old.) After some struggles with what to do I finally agreed to talk with my doctor who also happens to be a good friend of mine. This was, for me, embarrassing because although I trust my doc, I just felt word would eventually get out in a small town.

At any rate he gave me some blue pills. I’d never taken a pill that was blue so I decided to try it. I mean why not? Well the pills worked. It was like I was 35 again. But there was one problem. Well, actually two problems. The first was that my pharmacist is actually a girl who was once in my youth group. Now she is very professional, but to hand her that prescription for those blue colored pills...well that was very embarrassing. But then I realized that this girl whom I had known since she was a kid would now know the frequencies of my life. So, I devised a stupid plan. I would throw away some of those blue pills and show up at the pharmacy with an empty bottle before it would have really been empty. I did this obviously to trick this girl into thinking I was more than I am. And trust me I have no feelings or desires toward this girl. I just wanted to impress her. (This is embarrassing part #1.)

The other problem with the pills was the side effects. You see every time I took one of those pills I got a headache and my nose got stopped up. Since this always happened at night it meant I would have a headache and a stopped up nose when I tried to go to sleep which I could not do. Furthermore the headache was generally still with me in the morning and did not wear off until after lunch. And, I tried all the other pills with different levels of whatever it is, but the same kind of side effects were always present and sometimes it even brought back pain.

And so I settled into a new routine. Take a pill, have 3 minutes of fun (actually it was probably more like 5- no I jest, I’m not telling you how long the fun was) then have a headache for 12-14 hours, get no real sleep, then finally recover, then have a day or two of feeling great only to start the process all over again.

So, let me cut to the embarrassing part. After two years of this I was not so happy with the way things had been going. When my wife asked me simple questions like "Was that awesome or what?" I was thinking "the next 14 hours are going to stink" but I would say "Absolutely Awesome." (This lying to my wife is embarrassing part #2.)

But it is even worse than that. For the last 20 years my wife, with my support, has spent her summers doing mission work in China. I use to dread her going because 10 to 12 weeks without her was really difficult for me. And, in the early days it was tough having the kids by myself for all that time. But, we are both very much committed to our cause, and so I willfully, though never happily, let her go.

So this past year she was gone a part of April, all of May, and most of June. And, when she left I hugged her and told her I was going to miss her...and that was true. But I was also thinking to myself. "Finally, I don’t have to do it for 10 weeks." Now for any guy to admit that is about as embarrassing as it gets. And I think I’ve turned into a middle aged woman, no disrespect to middle aged women. (This is embarrassing part #3)

Alright I sure expect to get a victory on Sat.

By the way...she is back and I’m still in the routine and still have the headaches. Don’t bother telling me what I need to do, my doc and I have explored about every option. I guess it just is what it is.

Oh, I haven’t explored the vacuum deal but the guys in that commercial creep me out and I don’t want to become one of those guys.


FanPosts are just that; posts created by the fans. They are in no way indicative of the opinions of SBN and the authors of Roll Bama Roll.

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