TRUNKATION: What you need to know about the Colorado State Rams

The Rams are bringing their exciting brand of Getting Paid to Bryant-Denny Stadium. - CSU Athletics

Ricky Muncie and the RBR Investigations Team risks certain death and possible loss of pudding privileges in his never ending quest to get to the bottom of this week's opponent. Wait, that sounded totally not the way I meant...

From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: This week's TRUNKATION

Hey Ricky.

We don't know how to tell you this, but we are on very thin ice right now. As much as the growth at RollBamaRoll has been phenomenal, the changes this year have been jarring to a lot of our longtime readers. You know how important a community is, and we're losing some of them.

The parody pieces are starting to throw a few folks for a loop. I know you weren't responsible for that one, but that blurb about the Nike Blackout uniforms had people going nuts.

Please be careful about what you write this week. Please.

1) Tone down the parody and sarcasm

2) No crazy images

3) Be respectful to Coach McElwain, as he is practically family.

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR Command Center
Subject: Re: This week's TRUNKATION

Will do.

I already had some ideas for taking the column in another direction.

Cheers!

Ricky

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: This week's TRUNKATION

Good deal, looking forward to it, and thanks for understanding.

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: This week's TRUNKATION

Hey Ricky...

What do you have in mind?

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: This week's TRUNKATION

Ricky?

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Not acceptable

We just looked over the draft you submitted, and it is not going to work for us. We told you to be respectful of Coach McElwain, and instead you upload some mosaic of him with something that we can only describe as a divot in his forehead.

There is still time for us to run something else in your place.

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR Command Center
Subject: Re: Not acceptable

That took me a long time to put together. My wife cross-stitched that, and we basted it onto a feltboard so we could get the lighting just right.

The "divot" that you speak of was a meticulously-researched hoofprint from an American Buffalo. As you may remember, the Colorado State Rams were dented by their chief rival, the Colorado Buffaloes in the season opener. Yes, those Buffaloes. The ones that last year won a single game by a single point, on the road against Washington State.

So we're already talking about tears and anguish here. We're talking about a different kind of football. A different sort of test for this team. An opportunity to discover a bit more about the players who haven't had the luxury of contributing in games that have been tighter than we might like.

That hoofprint also represents a different level of expectation for Coach McElwain, as he gets to measure the mettle of his men against the Maximum and the Minimum within the same month. Carrying a fourth quarter lead against the hapless Buffs only paints part of the picture. We will all want to see how they stand up to the gold standard.

Cheers!

Ricky

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: Not acceptable

Okay, that new draft looks a little bit better. Sorry we deleted the hoofprint pic, but the piece still stands without it.

We are a bit confused about this drawing you had in the system?

Play1_medium

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR Command Center
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Not acceptable

Oh, that?

One of these folks suggested I look at how we this game could give us a chance to see more of our 5-star running backs on the field. So I drafted a play that does so, using what experts like me call the "Diamond Formation," so named because the angles of the lines connecting the players resembles the lines found connecting the carbon atoms in an actual diamond.

Play2_medium

None of that flat, penny-ante Graphite Package for us.

Personnel for this play includes five four-star running backs, and tight-end OJ Howard. As you can plainly see, the motion after the snap is sure to captivate and confuse the defense, who will not be sure as to the identity of the ball-carrier.

And in a nod to Lane Kiffin, all of the five-star backs will wear the number 5 on the play.

Cheers!

Ricky

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Not acceptable

Alright, that play is silly, but I have no doubt whatsoever that nobody will take that seriously.

What else do you know about this team?

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR Command Center
Subject: The Play is the Thing

I got that play from a well-placed source within the athletic department. Let's just say that "Deep Trunk" can tell you on a weekly basis the exact expiration date of the Oatmeal Crème Little Debbies that Coach Saban has for lunch.

He heard explicit conversations that we were getting those backs on the field, and they would be competing for the ball. What else is that supposed to mean?

As to "other knowledge about the Rams," much of it is obvious. CSU is in the Mountain West, so it has Boise on the schedule. This will be important to us, because at some point this season the game of Common Opponent! will be played out by bored college football columnists. A lackluster showing here and we run the risk of being mocked and ridiculed by people who dress as smurfs and play on blue carpet. Without the benefit of Nyquil.

Basically, we're looking at the UAB of the West: Green and Gold uniforms, a linebacker calling for a targeting penalty, a center waiting to snap the ball to a quarterback who already has one, and mystical smoky shoes that appear to evaporate like left-over special effects at the Harry Potter Experience. At least they have their own stadium, and a win over Cal Polyjuice.

Csu_rams2_medium

Cheers!

Ricky

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: The Play is the Thing

Why did you add that smoky effect on their shoes, just to make fun? And the pink wristbands. You're really going there?

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR Command Center
Subject: Re: Re: The Play is the Thing

Not sure what you're talking about there. The photo is straight from the CSU Media Guide. I wish I had thought of that, though. Would have been a great addition to the piece. As a matter of fact, I think I need to be able to do this with other photos in the future. Shall I bill the necessary Photoshop After-effects to RBR?

Cheers!

Ricky

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From: RBR Command Center
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Play is the Thing

No, that won't be necessary. We're still paying for your last purchase. Speaking of which, when are you going to fire up that Simulator and run your Capital One Mascot Challenge projections?

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR Command Center
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Play is the Thing

Working on it, as soon as the simulator opens its eyes.

Cheers!

Wp_000177_medium

Ricky

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