DISCLOSURE: THIS IS PARODY. A JOKE. NOT REAL. SATIRE. AS IN — NOT SERIOUS.
Our worst fears could be coming to fruition.
Following the Texas Longhorns’ upset loss to BYU, passionate football fans across Alabama were appalled to learn that Nick Saban, architect of the current Crimson Tide football dynasty, will be traveling to Texas this weekend as predicted by many West Georgia residents over the past few seasons. Under strict condition of anonymity, sources close to the Alabama program have confirmed that Saban is in fact ticketed on a flight to Texas in the latter part of the week. With Mack Brown finding himself squarely on the hot seat, one can only assume that the Texas AD will pull out all the stops in effort to ensure that Saban’s trip is of the one-way variety.
I don’t think I have to detail just what the loss of Saban would mean to the Alabama program. He has proven himself to be a peerless recruiter and developer of talent while dominating the biggest games from a coaching perspective. His three BCS titles in four seasons is literally unprecedented, though those in Austin and West Georgia would assert that he would have only two of those had Colt McCoy been able to play the entire game in the 2010 Rose Bowl. At this point I’d rather not even speculate on potential candidates, as the thought of losing Coach Saban is simply too much to Bear.
As many in West Georgia have asserted, there is plenty to attract Coach Saban to Austin. The state of Texas offers the most fertile recruiting grounds in the country, unparalleled television exposure, and no state income tax. Having built a dynasty in Tuscaloosa, the current Texas situation would provide an additional challenge and opportunity to dominate a new conference. To be sure, the Longhorns’ roster is hardly devoid of talent, allowing for a quick turnaround and corresponding gratification. Some suggest that coaching Texas Longhorns football is the most desirable job in college athletics.
As of this writing the exact date and time of a potential interview in Austin is unknown. Saban himself continues to deny the rumors, claiming that any visit to Texas- should there be one- would be for the express purpose of destroying an upstart and vastly overrated team in College Station. I considered asking him about it directly, then thought better of it for fear of the death stare. In any case, unconfirmed reports and message board comments have speculated that Texas will be offering in excess of $10MM per year, a private jet, unlimited Little Debbies, and whatever is necessary to placate Mrs. Terry and convince her to move. All we can do at this point is cross our fingers and believe that the University of Alabama will step up and do what it takes to ensure that Coach Saban sticks around beyond this season.
Again- DISCLOSURE: THIS IS PARODY. A JOKE. NOT REAL. SATIRE. AS IN — NOT SERIOUS.
Hope for the best.