I'm afraid to report that it was a bit of a down week for the meltdown column in terms of sheer volume. We didn't quite see as many meltdowns this week as we would like. As a general matter, fans of Notre Dame, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and South Carolina were really just happy that their respective teams played it close, and some things really just didn't materialize on some other fronts. 

Nevertheless, we do have three meltdowns this week, and they come from Auburn, Ohio State, and Texas A&M. And what they don't have in size, they make up for in quality (that's we she said). Auburn fans went nuts after losing ugly to Kentucky at home, who brought in a true freshman quarterback, Ohio State fans quickly imploded with an upset to Purdue, and with Texas A&M giving up 60+ points to a 3-3 Kansas State team, it looks like Aggie fans have just lost all hope. Combined, their plight is one great delight to the casual reader.

Now, as always, the language does get bad, and at times it gets VERY bad. If you don't like reading obscenities and the like, this column is not for you, and I strongly urge you to read on right now and skip this piece. You've been warned.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is meltdown time:

5-19. Why are you surprised?

I don't think we should get rid of Chizik now. But there is absolutely NO excuse for this loss tonight.  Maybe we shouldn't have hired him in the first place.

I'm not surprised at all...as long as Chi-Sick is our head coach, we will be mediocre...he'll be able to recruit well enough to get us to 7 or 8 wins most years...but he'll never win the SEC West, much less the SEC. He's mediocre...and we're seeing that already.

Until we put up the money to go after a big time coach that can put us back on the big stage like the turds did with ***** then we might be in for a couple of tough years with this program

Can we ever be a top-tier team with Jay Jacobs as AD?

We were an average team before JJ and we'll be an average team after JJ. I was blasted last week for saying we were comparable to Ole Miss, but it was and is the truth except Ole Miss is better than us at the moment.

I wouldn't call any program with one MNC in 118 years a powerhouse.

We were outcoached in a big way tonight.

Something is seriously wrong with Todd... I'd have to assume his shoulder is messed up again looking at how his deep balls were way underthrown. If this is the case it's time to sit him and start Caudle.

anybody still worried about losing Malzahn? HILARIOUS!

Wow... I had no idea we were this bad.

Did Malzahn smoke crack before the game? His playcalling suggests he did.

TIRED of the silly crap on offense.

Please graduate and have a nice life #5, #18, #12, #75, #4. Thanks for the memories.

R.I.P. to Auburn's passing game in 2009. You died waay too young.

Looking forward to 2010 with 2 new coordinators.

Chasing Jack with Jose. Not kidding....

we suck we suck we suck we will win 1 more game we suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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As any of you who routinely check al.com first thing every morning may have seen, Greg McElroy apparently stole one of Jevan Snead's shirts at the Manning Passing Academy over the summer:

As Snead was reminiscing Monday, a thought hit him.

"He also has a shirt of mine from the Manning Passing Academy," he said. "I want that back. It made its way into his bag somehow."

Figuring that any shirt that would cause Snead to pine after it all this time must be a pretty special shirt, we put the crack RBR Investigative Unit on it and lo and behold, they came back with this:

I don't think he'll be getting that one back anytime soon.

Complain about the sweetheart all you want, at least you didn't just drink Clamato beer...

Unfortunately I didn't have access to The Girl's webcam last night, so you'll have to suffer with this grainy camera phone footage. For some reason my phone apparently only records for 23 seconds at a time so you only get to witness the beginning of the epic chug that finished the can off, but there's no way I'm chugging another can just to get it captured on video. Enjoy. I didn't.

As you may recall, I did a post yesterday about the differing levels of preseason hype between Julio Jones and A.J. Green despite their relatively similar numbers last year.  The author of the column that inspired said post, Mr. Bill King of the AJC, apparently saw it and was a good enough sport to link to it.  Even if we do disagree that just playing for Alabama is enough to give him a hype advantage over Green (as opposed to doing things like this), the simple fact that he was a good enough sport to link to a (*gasp*) blog post that called his work "poor" right there in the first sentence earns him the highest praise I can think of:

Who says bloggers and the MSM can't get along?

YouTubetry optional.

Just got an e-mail from Rapaport saying that Athlon caught the Jones/Rogers error that we had a good laugh over in the fanshots before it actually went to print, so we won't be seeing this particular cover on news stands anytime soon.

But we're totally leaving it here because it's funny.

Honestly, though, I can see how it's easy to make this kind of mistake. In last year's Yea Alabama, a similar error unfortunately led to a picture of a very large, very white Nick Walker getting included. Getty Images had the picture labeled wrong (they also had about 10 pictures of an LSU player labeled as Nikita Stover, so thank God he didn't make it in), a layout editor in Boston that doesn't know Nick Walker from Nick Saban needed another picture for the article and grabbed it, and we were so close to the print deadline that there wasn't time for one of us to approve the finished article. It happens, and thankfully this time it was caught. Still, when things like this do happen, it makes me very grateful for all the instantaneous aspects of blogging.

If I had to sing Creed, Orson has to shave his head:

We will shave our heads if footage–legitimate, unedited, unmanipulated footage–of Terrance Cody performing a backflip on level ground surfaces. (No trampolines, trapeze equipment, or other assistance permitted.)

One of you scamps has to have some contact with Cody, be it in class, on facebook, or whatever.  We can do this, people. We can do this.

MAKE. THIS. HAPPEN.