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Breaking News: Papa Smurf Named Likely Candidate

Tuscaloosa, AL - University of Alabama officials are confirming that University President Witt has taken the recommendation of Athletics Director Mal Moore and a number of the trustees to release Mike Shula from his duties of head football coach, and is currently mulling all possible candidates for the job.  The list includes several established coaches as well as top assistants, ranging from Jim Grobe of Wake Forest and Steve Spurrier to LSU OC Jimbo Fisher and Baltimore Ravens QB Coach Rick Neuheisel. The most intriguing candidate to express interest, and the one many feel is on top of the President's list, is Papa Smurf.  A disciple of legendary head coach Grandpa Smurf, Papa Smurf served as the defensive co-ordinator on the most dominant Smurf teams of the late 1800s before taking the reigns in 1965, leading his Smurf teams to utter domination of the European forests for decades.  Said Witt, "I know the Smurfs play in a smaller conference, but I firmly believe that the character and experience Papa Smurf would bring to Tuscaloosa is just what this football program needs.  He runs a strong defense, power offense system in the mold of Bear Bryant and Gene Stallings, and would be the likeliest candidate to add a statue outside Bryant-Denny."  Adds Moore, "Plus, he owns both Gargamel and Hogatha, so look out Auburn and Tennessee!"  It is expected, if hired, Papa Smurf will bring most of his staff with him, including OC Brainy Smurf, DC Hefty Smurf, and assistant head coach Homnibus the wizard.  When contacted, Papa Smurf remained non-commital about the possibilities of accepting a job at Alabama. "It's flattering to be named to such a prestigous post, but I'm more concerned with our upcoming match against Gargamel."  Further fueling the speculation, insiders report that Witt will be spending the Thanksgiving holidays in Belgium, and several area residents reported spotting Smurfette shopping for houses in the Tuscaloosa area last week.  Witt is adimant that no decision will be made until after the Thanksgiving holidays.

He's already got the Crimson and White thing going...