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Voltron to Coach Tide

He will soon be fitted for a houndstooth chestplate

The always hilarious Mr. Jonathan Tu has breaking news that Voltron will be the Tide's new coach.

An excerpt:

"Frankly, there couldn't have been a better choice for `Bama or a worse result for the rest of the SEC. I guarantee the south is shaking tonight," former ESPN analyst Trev Alberts said. Alberts, who is now doing commentary for his own media startup Albert & Albert, spoke from his new offices in a Quizno's booth in Lincoln, Nebraska: "What Voltron brings to the table is an unwavering commitment to excellence, recruiting acumen matched by few, a first rate offensive mind and a big *@!*ing sword. That's a combination that'll be hard to beat."