When not out promoting his burgeoning rap game or practicing his own peculiar brand of amateur anthropology, Orson Swindle is busy wasting millions of man hours across the country by publishing the highly entertaining Every Day Should Be Saturday. He was kind enough to answer a few questions for us concerning the upcoming match up with his own Florida Gators.
1. To get it out of the way, your team sucks, their uniforms are ugly, and Chris Leak is too pretty to play a man's game. All that being said, what makes you think the Gators will win on Saturday?
- The defense has improved, especially up front. Even without Marcus Thomas and his consort Scoop (his belly) manning the middle due to a suspension for smoking marijuana. Worthy of mention lately has been Jarvis Moss, laid up for the better part of two years thanks to a bone infection (!), gives Florida a legitimate pass rusher for the first time since the Clinton Administration.
- The offense learned. It's what animals do when they're beaten within an inch of their lives but allowed to live, as in what Alabama did to Florida last year. Leak rolls out now to throw over linemen's arms, understands the run game now, and yields to freshman phenom/water buffalo Tebow in short yardage situations.
2. The revenge factor is a huge storyline going into this game. Do you believe it's actually much of a factor in the game, and if so how much of it do you think directly affects the player on the field versus the play calling on the sidelines?
It's a motivational factor, but the playcalling will remain the same. Shula and Meyer both call passes late into the game no matter the score as a matter of procedure, not out of spite like some former landlords of Ben Hill Griffin did. If no one ends up with their foot hanging sideways off the end of their leg, we'll
call the game a success for both teams in that regard.
Past outcomes in a game influence the game only in terms of interpreting game events as they happen. If Alabama comes out and throws a flea-flicker TD on the first series, Florida players thoughts may slide into "oh, no, here we go again." Yet this team has been down before this year and come back roaring to win, so even that effect might evaporate in the hazy mania of the moment.
3. Besides the imaginative play calling and lethal accuracy of the kicking game, what worries you most about Alabama?
Specifically, the matchup at wideout and qb versus our secondary. Our corners aren't ADT approved lockdown corners, and will likely give up some cheap long gains. They can't possibly be overlooking them as they did last year--again, pain begets learning.
Wilson's also remarkably composed, mechanically sound, and just played a tough game on the road in the SEC. He won't crumple under the pressure of playing in the Swamp, instead reserving said crumpling for what he'll do when Brandon Siler lays 250 pounds of man on top of him on a blitz.
4. What worries you most about Florida?
Offensive consistency and rhythm. We've only hit stride once this season, and it did not happen against a very talented team. Leak's definitely more comfortable, Deshawn Wynn's emerged as a number one back, everything that's supposed to happen has happened, and yet there they are, still dropping passes and failing to convert and extend drives into strangling, game-controlling monsters. Not doing so against another team happy to sit on the ball like Alabama spells a recipe for slow death on Saturday. They have to get to third and short against the defense.
5. Who on your team do you like to have a banner day on Saturday and why?
Leak, because we've beat him like Ike beat Tina for two years now. He's locked in an abusive marriage with us as fans; we abuse, he plays his balls off, and we yell some more. Ideally, you'd like to see him do what every abused partner should do: get the means to succeed by blowing out the rest of his schedule, earn an award or two, and leave our sinister clutches for happier places.