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Auburn or Tennessee?

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As an Alabama fan, you always get the question, "Who is the bigger rival, Auburn or Tennessee?"

To me, simple, Tennessee.

Everybody hates Auburn, but that's because you have to live with them. It's not that anyone really gives a damn about that cow college, it's just that you have to live with their annoying fans, and beating them is the only way that they won't spend every waking second running their mouths for the next 364 days. If Auburn were anywhere else but Alabama, no one would care about them one bit, there's just no reason to whatsoever. If God would have done us all a favor like he should have and put that chicken sh*t outfit in Wyoming or somewhere, this whole "rivalry" wouldn't even exist.

As someone who grew up in Alabama who has since moved away from the state, I can testify to the fact that once you actually leave the state of Alabama, you kind of stop caring about Auburn. Oh sure, you still hate them and you still want them to lose, just because that's the way it's supposed to be, but really there's just not much of a reason to really care about them once you don't have to deal with their idiotic fans on a daily basis. Once that goes away, Auburn just really doesn't matter anymore.

Tennessee, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Alabama and Tennessee are, without doubt, the two traditional powerhouses of Southern football, and the Third Saturday in October is the one I want most. Location does not matter one iota there; you could put Alabama on Mars and Tennessee on Venus, and that would still be the game. When it comes to Southern football, Alabama versus Tennessee is simply the best of the best. And believe me, aside from a national championship, there is nothing better than watching thousands of puke-orange clad hillbillies slowly and depressingly stroll out of the stadium after the Crimson Tide just ripped their heart out. Nothing.

Long story short: I hate Auburn, but I loathe Tennessee.