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Fun Times with Johnny Reb

In case you haven't heard, Ole Miss football has apparently reached such highs that they have announced that they will be selling 20,000 tickets for the upcoming Northwestern State game for five dollars per ticket. Yes, five dollars per ticket. Five. $5. Apparently the ticket sales will be open to the general public.

And all of this brings about the question: What all costs more than Ole Miss football tickets?

Just to name a few...

  • A Big Mac combo meal from McDonald's.
  • Two gallons of 89 gasoline.
  • Replacement heels for the pair you threw at the Alabama v. Ole Miss game.
  • Ed Orgeron's buyout clause (but only slightly).
  • A 50-pack of Dixie cups for tailgating.
  • Tetris, when downloaded for play on your cell phone.
  • A 64-box of Crayola Crayons.
  • Crimson t-shirt that says, "Got Shula?"
  • Parking at the game itself.
  • BBQ nachos at the game.
  • Late fee at Blockbuster for an overdue Chuck Norris movie that went straight-to-video.
  • 2007 Chicago Bears Super Bowl Champs t-shirt (you know, the ones they always print for the losing team, but never distribute).
  • A six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon (16 ounce cans).
  • A sub-mint condition six pack of Billy Beer off of E-bay.
  • The production costs of the "Colonel Reb Is Cryin'" YouTube video.
  • A sixteen-ounce can of compressed air to clean your keyboard.
  • The Coach Fran bobble head dolls given out at the 2002 Mississippi State game.
  • Two Nutter Butter Infusion Blends at a Logan's Steakhouse.
  • A bottle of mineral water at Fleming's Steakhouse.
  • Your child's Halloween costume... even if purchased at Fred's.
  • A heavily-used copy of the Sommelier's Guide to Wine.
  • A three-pack of replacement Mach 3 razor blades.
  • One minute of Nick Saban's time (Saban makes approximately $7.61 per minute).
  • One week of Ed Orgeron's time (yes I jest... somewhat).
  • One cupcake and one doggie cupcake from Sprinkles in Los Angeles.
  • A pair of youth batting gloves.
  • That lame ass portrait with Shula on one side of the goalpost and the Bear on the other side.
  • An appetizer order of Hot Lips at Wings in Tuscaloosa.
  • Box of tampons.
  • Ticket to see Hanson at the House of Blues in New Orleans.
  • A hand grenade on Bourbon Street.
  • Movie ticket to see "The Rock" in "The Gameplan."
  • Rachael Ray cookbook in a discount bin.
  • A universal remote, circa 1995.
  • One month of dial-up Internet service via NetZero.
  • A dozen donuts from Krispy-Kreme (thanks for the heads-up on the pricing levels Phil!).
  • VHS version of Rocky IV at a pawn shop.
  • A ticket to watch a small-town high school football team play.
You get the idea. All in all, it's lots of fun. Unless you are an Ole Miss fan. And if you can put on your best Mr. Sarcastic Ass hat and come up with some more good ones, feel free to post them in the comments section.