Todd & I both have chimed in on this one:
Your Home Field Advantage
Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.
Todd: I'm going to go with the mujahideen for those fans that troll the internets and talk radio airwaves demanding apologies for any perceived slight against Bama and it's tradition, no matter how insignificant.
Nico: I suppose my answer isn't too far removed from Todd's though it was arrived at completely separately. I call them the Talabamiban: they're insane, intolerant, take a "my way or the highway" view of things and they're desperately wishing for the past to be the present. They're the element of our fanbase that gives other fanbases ample reason to make fun of us.
Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.
Todd: Given the current state of animosity between the sports media and Coach Saban, I'd say ESPN is our biggest rival these days. With that in mind, I would hope no one would show up at the Gameday set, but if they did, I would hope they would stop off and pick up a "Big Al peeing on the ESPN logo" sticker before hand.
Nico: Gameday has been a mixed blessing for Alabama. Their appearance on your campus means you're doing something right. Unfortunately, Alabama has never won a game with them on campus. As far as a promo item to get people interested, what else besides Corso toilet paper? (I guess it's pee and poo joke day here at RBR.)
Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.
Todd: Screw the local delicacies, they should let us bring our own grills into the stadium so we could keep tailgating out in the concourse.
Nico: We need some BBQ up in BDS. Forget hamburgers and hotdogs, I want a BBQ sandwich. As much as I'd love to see ribs, they'd be too difficult to manage during a game.
With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.
Todd: Lollipops for everyone...handed out by Krista Allen.
She's got the right color bikini, anyway.
Nico: I think I'd stage pre-game speedboat races on the Black Warrior River. Watch a few boats crash and then head up the hill for some football. Sounds like a good Saturday to me.
General NCAA questions
Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.
Todd: The Vol Navy is really a cover by the Tennessee state government to dump toxic waste without the feds knowing about it.
Nico: Ed Orgeron runs a Muay Thai boxing school in Oxford during the offseason to foster toughness in future recruits. You know this could've been filmed in some seedy part of Oxford.
Ole Miss' 2016 signing class in training
Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.
Todd: Since we're always talking about how the SEC schedule is so hard and we shouldn't have to schedule big name OOC contests to boost the strength of schedule, and since none of the ADs are ever going to use the 12th game to secure an extra quality OOC game but instead will use it to squeeze the fans out of one more home ticket, we should expand league play by a game and allow one more opponent from the other division, giving each team a second permanent opponent. Alabama could play Georgia every year again, thus lending "go teach the Bulldogs to behave" a little more relevance for those too young to know why it's even there, Auburn and Florida could renew their annual rivalry, and etc.
Nico: This would be a good opportunity to point out to Todd that we can also teach the Mississippi State Bulldogs to behave and that for the most part we have. Oh the benefits of having multiple teams with the same nickname in your conference. I'd actually rather pick up Florida than Georgia on a permanent basis. Those epic games from the 1990s are more relevant to my fan experience than games against Georgia.
Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.
Todd:: I'm opposed to a playoff, so I'm skipping this one. Though I would like to see the Fiesta Bowl dumped from the BCS and the Cotton Bowl restored to it's rightful place of prominence.
Nico: I'm actually with Todd on this one. I could give a toss about seeing a playoff, but I also have a great disdain for the Fiesta Bowl and would like to see the Cotton Bowl regain its spot in the bowl game pantheon.
Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.
Todd:: I'm going to go with our very own Katharine McPhee on this one since, let's get serious here, no matter who's in charge the NCAA will always beloaded with jackholes coming up with stupider and stupider ideas to screw with the game we love so much, and at least then we'd have pictures of a pretty girl to post along with our whining about the latest boneheaded move by the NCAA.
I could take any ridiculous clock management rules so long as they came from her.
Nico: Todd has the right idea on this one, so I'm going to blatantly rip off his idea. I'd opt for Rosario Dawson though, if we're going to hear stupid crap spewed from someone, it might as well be from her. She has to dance at all press conferences though to get the job.