1) Thanks to Roy Kramer legacy scheduling, Bama is in it’s "road year" when most of the great games will be on the road and season tickets basically are buy one (Iron Bowl) get seven free. You get to swap one home game for one road game. What’s your call?
I'm assuming they meant a road conference game, but since they didn't say conference game, nerts to that. We're headed to the Superdome to play Tulane and we're welcoming UT back to Tuscaloosa since BDS has been amusingly unkind (a nailbiting defensive struggle right down to the wire + a humiliating blowout=best of both worlds, fatty) to the Vols the last two times they've visited.
2) After Clemson, our Non-Con schedule is pretty weak. You are able to trade any one them for any BCS team in the country. Who and why?
That's actually a tough question. Two cupcakes are early in the season, so dropping them for a tougher opponent with a young team that needs some time to acclimate themselves to their positions seems like a bad idea, but then again dropping Arkansas State in the middle of a pretty brutal stretch to make it even more brutal is also kind of a bad idea. I want to play Tulane since there is actually a little bit of historical significance there (they used to be in the SEC, after all), so I'm down to WKU and Ark. State. Of the two, might as well ditch the Hilltoppers (at least the Indians Red Wolves are current 1-A members, while the Hilltoppers are only provisional) and take on, oh, I don't know, Kansas? The Tide and the Jayhawks have never met, and after a fantastic season capped off by an Orange Bowl win over Va. Tech they are riding pretty high on national exposure, so it would be a game that would generate a lot of interest around the country.
3) You can bring back one player from Alabama history to play in his college condition. Who do you want?
3SIB went with Cornelius Bennett to help out with our desperate need for linebackers, and I'm going the same route, but with Derrick Thomas. Not to be ghoulish, but his untimely death in an auto accident was an outright tragedy so if we're exercising God like powers to return people to their former glory, let's at least bring back someone who never got a chance to finish his career.
4) Frankly, the idea of non-traditional food at a stadium is borderline sacrilegious. Still, the change is coming whether you like it or not, so it might as well benefit you. Gone will be the stale soft pretzels and nacho cheese. You get to pick one thing to replace it.
Es tiempo para un poco sabor Americanized latino en esta puta, ese.
 |
| Besides, that's just good advice. |
5) Since we would never wish injury upon another player, let’s say the President calls and says you can send one player from an opponent’s team to Guantanamo Bay before the game. Who do you pick and why?
I know a lot of people are going to pick Knoshon Moreno, but he's a cog in the machine as far as I'm concerned. An incredibly important one, don't get me wrong, but with him gone it's not like UGA is going to fall apart, curl up into a fetal ball, and pray for the season to be over. They still have Stafford, who is a good QB, a bunch of talented receivers, and something like nine (too lazy to look it up, but I think that's right) returning starters on defense, so sending Moreno away isn't a guaranteed game changer for the Tide. Same with a lot of the other big name players we are going to face. James Davis? Still have to worry about C.J. Spiller. Trindon Holliday? LSU will still have an NFL caliber defense to contend with. Arian Foster? Vols have all three leading receivers returning and an enviously good o-line that could be the best in the leauge, and so on and so on. But Jevan Snead? Man, if that guy had been under center for the Rebels the last two years, we'd be 0-4 against the state of Mississippi since 2006. If Ole Miss is going to make some noise and actually finish games this season like I think they will it will be because they finally have a BCS caliber player at QB and a slightly less mad man making the decisions on the sidelines. Take away Snead, and the Rebels offense goes back to being merely loaded with potential yet likely to implode in a flurry of foolish and avoidable turnovers and missed opportunities, so if we're going to send someone to Gitmo it might as well be someone who's absence will have so much impact on their team that a win is almost assured for Alabama because of it. Now if we're just sending them off to live with terrorists and be subjected to brutal interrogations because we plain don't like them, then Anthony Johnson is due some waterboarding.
| Why are you not smiting him God? WHY?!! |