I wrote a couple of weeks back that if it can be said that Ole Miss has never lost a party, it can also be said that LSU has never lost a meltdown thread. Well, all good streaks must come to an end, and I'm afraid to say that streak is now over. LSU gave it a good run with their reaction to their 24-17 loss at Auburn, but it simply could not hold a candle to what Texas had this weekend after being thumped by Iowa State. Those two schools alone would have made a great meltdown piece in their own right, but I decided to throw in Tennessee as lagniappe because, well, to hell with Tennessee. If we can't poke fun at the lowly Vols in their darkest hour, then what's the point?
The topic list this week is insane, including: tattoos, Curley Hallman, rainbows, Hurricane Katrina, the Birmingham Bowl, snake oil salesmen, felony robbery, painkillers, diarrhea, Satan, the Titanic, Matt Millen, Zombie Nation, StubHub, self-mutilation, rape, decapitations, Buddy Ryan, pot, Ding Dongs, tornadoes, Soulja Boy, Charles Whitman and abortions. Lots of abortions.
Now, I know we have the usual content warning for fairly obvious reasons, but that warning needs to be reiterated a million times this week. Most weeks are bad, this week is like Armageddon. I would not suggest reading this at work or anywhere that rough content will get you in trouble. It's also not for the weak of stomach, and the verbal imagery gets very graphic. Consider yourself warned.
With that heavily emphasized warning out of the way, enjoy this week in Meltdown Time after the jump:
You could tattoo it too every Rantard's dick and they still wouldn't understand. We had 6 years of Curley Hallman. Now we've got this fucked up motherfucker.
Alabama will take a giant shit on us. I didn't believe that before today.
Our running back threw the best pass I've seen all year
Our best QB today was Spencer Ware. Neither of our 2 regular QB's played worth a shit.
I dont need a guy who represents the school and is a gentleman, I need a God Damn football coach.
I am just worried about somehow getting by Open Date right now
Bama 45 LSU 0. The wheels come completely off in 2 weeks. BOOK IT
This is who LSU is now....beat the bad teams and barely and lose to the good ones. thank you Les Miles
Our WR's should all transfer
Start Ware at QB!
Sheppard, Adams, Hatcher, and even Nevis all played like dog shit.
Seriously, how the fuck was this team ever 7-0?
Come on positigers... shit us some more rainbows!!
Another glorious non championship year. Our season is over. Peach Bowl here we come.
I miss Saban.
Nice to see our 4-3 team finally got exposed. You knew 7-0 was smoke and mirrors
Les Miles has a gift of gab. Allow him to sit at the table with a recruit and his parents and they fall for him BUT he can't coach a lick. LSU Athletic Dept fell for his bullshit hook, line and sinker.
If we are an elite SEC program then why did Alabama man handle Tennessee AT Tennessee 41-10 last night and we had to have a mulligan to beat them at home and our head coach is happy with just getting by with a win.
Eh, losing here is okay. It sucks, we won't make it to Atlanta, but Auburn is a top five team. If Bammer comes and shits on us good though its going to be Katrina all over again
Didn't realize 5-star receivers stood for their 5 drops a game
Why is there no talk of Mike Leach? For the love of god, with the LSU "D", add a Leach Offense and we are smoking.....Crap, I'd tale Phillip Fulmer....
How LSU has won a single game with this Miles/Crowton keystone cops offense is an absolute mystery.
Miles haters shut up. Each and every one of you will be naming your kids after him again if he can beat Saban in two weeks.
Once again Les did not disappoint the national media. Looked liked a total dumbass after the timeout. Way to go Les.
LES MILES CLUSTER FUCK! FIRE THE MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
LSU just plays and is coached stupid.. biggest play of the year after a timeout & we only had 10 men on the field.
WTF, after a timeout?? Our luck has run out. At least we were'nt blown out on the scoreboard.
Better get your Ham Bowl tix!! Might wanna get some Liberty Bowl tix too just in case. The best bowl this team can hope for is the Chicken shite Bowl.
Might as well start praying folks. Miles is obviously not going to get us back to the BCS title game like we want, but he wins too much to fire him, so we're stuck. Just have to pray he turns it around somehow.
I honestly think Dinardo was better at coaching. He never had 1/50th of the talent Miles has to work with every year
Ruined my weekend. Think I’ll finish drinking myself into a coma.
Now I know how 'Bama fans felt in 2001 with Rohan to Reed
As I expected, we lost to Auburn. And that's why Miles should be fired. He has turned LSU football into what was damn near an NFL program to an also ran that now expects to lose to AUBURN!
This is disgraceful. I don’t care, yet another home beatdown like this is inexcusable after a bye week and flat-out embarassing. No excuses.
I guess player 12 and 13 forgot to cover that end of the field
The only greater snake oil salesman in the world than Lane Kiffin is Mike Hamilton
Oh, "We're young." How many seniors did you count for 'Bama last night? Exactly. Fuck you.
Maybe sticking with fulmer was the best move for the program. or maybe hiring kiffin did more damage than firing fulmer did. All I know is those 8-4 seasons with an occasional run at the SEC Championship look nice now
In over forty years of watching Tennessee football this is the worst team I ever had the misfortune of seeing.
Make that 58years.
Four straight losses to 'Bama. Hate to say it, but this one could be another Bear run circa the 1970's. It could be years before we beat those jackasses again.
Might as well admit it, last year was the best chance we'll have to beat Bama for years
We passed on the Heisman candidate (Cam Newton) for Simms because Cam "didn't fit our style". Thanks a bunch Lane.
At the rate we're going, we'll be clamoring for Peyton to come in and save us as head coach in 2018
8+ losses for the first time ever----check
attendance record will fall to bama---check
winless in conference play-----check
beat by ky-----check
anything else???
Can we beat Memphis?
I don't believe any of our coaches will last in the SEC
Things couldn't have been any worse than this had we just given the job to Orgeron
70% of this roster would be a "preferred walkon" at Alabama if that.
Yea, seven games into the season and we have 10 men on the field. That isn't coaching.
Nu'keese is at a JUCO and looks to be one of the top JUCO recruits next year. Even he recovered faster from felony robbery charges than Tennessee did from Fulmer and Kiffin
How many times did our cornerbacks get Julio Jones laid tonight?
When Bama's backup tight end came on the field and I saw he weighed a good 20-30 pounds more than our starting DT, I knew it was over.
At least Kiffin kept it close with Florida and Bama.
How Mike Hamilton has survived this economic depression I'll never know.
We'll be underdogs against Ole Miss, Vandy, and Kentucky. if we can just take one of those three it'll be a surprise at this point.
My honest expectation to end the season? 3-9 with a close win over Memphis and losses to South Carolina, Ole Miss, UK, and Vanderbilt.
Hey guys, let's consistently put our worst corner man-to-man with Julio Jones. Oh no, no way coaching a problem for us.
Name me one player last night Saban would have traded to get. There is not one.
There isn't a single player on UT's starting twenty-two that could start for Alabama.
I'd kill to have even Bamas 3rd string defensive line
Dooley is in over his head in this league.
Luckily I had surgery last week and still have 1/2 a bottle of painkillers left.
People can now compare Oregon and 'Bama in the BCS talk based on how badly they beat Tennessee. That is the only way Tennessee football is relevant now.
Will we ever beat Saban at Alabama? He's going to have to stay in Tuscaloosa a really long time for that to happen, or we're going to have to pull off a monumental upset at some point. At this rate, we won't be favored in this game for a decade.
Neyland Stadium... where Bammers come to hold Rammer Jammer auditions
The #1 sunshine pumper is dead. I am dead. Texas Football has finally killed my spirit. I can't see myself going to another game this year. I don't even want to tailgate. If this makes me a bad fan, fuck off. (jumps off ledge ...)
Fuck you, Mack Brown. Fuck you and your clapping. Fuck you and your shitty game preparation. Fuck you and your inability to motivate. Fuck you and your loyalty to shitty coaches. Fuck you and your loyalty to players that aren't the best we can field. Fuck you and your puckering asshole. Fuck you and your thin skin.
Mack is a great recruiter but shitty coach who fell ass-backwards into a title.
Fuck you to the entire coaching staff. Shitty effort all around.
Some of you pussies sound like the guy with the whore wife wishing it will get better after she fucks another man one more time... We lost to ISU at fucking home. JESUS.
Just remember. Mack makes $13,698 A DAY. If you figure he worked 5 days on this brillaint game plan for the Cyclones, that is $68,490 for this abortion. We're Texas. We have most expensive abortions evar!!!!!
With all the resources we have, texas should reload and not get beat physically, emotionally and spiritually on the field to fucking iowa fucking state ...FUCK, come on, their budget is 25% of ours and their recruiting is far worse. come on with the bullshit excuses. fuck you bunch of pussies
21 points should be enough to beat Iowa fucking State
Entire team sucked diahreeah shit from an asshole fountain today.
Greg Davis might in fact be satan.
What is the use of pointing fingers at each other when you are all on the Titanic and there are no freaking lifeboats left?
I got suspended from hornfans and I was actually trying to get banned. Fuck them and that cult that protects the egos of fucking Greg Davis at every fucking turn! Fucking ban me you cowardice idiots!
Is this the thread where all the Davis jock sniffers start posting meaningless stats again?
Fuck Greg Davis
But, but, it was a brilliant game plan. Matt Millen said so!
Greg Davis deep throats cock
This is more on your ability to take a gigantic cock up your fucking ass.
This shit is so stupid. I don't give a damn who is fired. Everyone can fucking go
Can we trade Muschamp for Chizik?
God damnit, can we stop playing zombie nation and other gay ass bullshit songs. This is Texas, not fucking USF
Looks like we got complacent after winning the Conference Expansion Championship Game
You are a fucking moron. Nick Saban is the best coach in all of college football. I'd trade Mack for Nick in a heartbeat.
Serious question, is this worse than 66-3?
Did you hear that? it's the sound of Malcolm Brown picking up his phone and making a call to Tuscaloosa.
I want to stop watching.... but I just can't. Watching this game is like sticking your finger up your ass while you jerk off.
Why the fuck do you let that ball go over your head? Goddammit does anyone on staff know that "coach" is also a fucking verb.
I'm gonna go cut myself now.
Ooh, does this thread make the meltdown list this week?
I just checked StubHub. Tickets for all of the remaining home games are free.
I dont have enough pot for this shit.
We're not just losing... we're getting ass raped with no lube.
Well, at least we'll be well represented on the Bama "meltdown" thread this week.
Shit...my cable came back...fml...
Tornado sirens in my neighborhood. This might improve my day
Muschamp needs to decapitate a player and make an example out of someone and sacrafice their head at the alter of buddy ryan.
Awesome. Had a shitty night last night followed by this turd chaser.
They need to take scissors to everyone's jerseys and cut out the Texas, tape over the helmet logo, and draw on a picture of a second-trimester aborted fetus.
I am going to masturbate. Someone from UT needs to beat something today.
Fuck us. Fuck us right in our dirty anal cunts.
Face rape. This is terrible
Boo these motherfuckers. Boo.
Thank god for severe weather...knocked my directv out in fort worth...dont have to watch this shit anymore.
hey Mack - don't point your fucking finger at me and tell me that i need to get out there early and to be loud. point your finger at your coaching staff and tell them to do their motherfucking jobs. Iowa State's coaches have done their jobs. they've watched film and know everything we're gonna do. your key personnel are eating Ding Dongs, using the same game plan from 2006, and harassing white girls. don't blame the fans for this clusterfuck. it's on you and your shitty staff.
I fucking hate this team. The 2007 Soulja Boy unit was more likable than this crew. Fuck Gilbert and fuck Gideon. There I said it.
Goddamnit Mack. Fuck you for not being able to get your players up to play. Fuck this I'm done watching. Fuck anyone for judging me either. I have better things to do today than watch this botched abortion of a football team
Where's Charles Whitman when you need him?