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It's Meltdown Time...

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My apologies for meltdown piece being a day late this week, but rest easy because it is here at last and it is as epic as usual. Texas' season from hell continued this weekend with another lopsided loss in the Big XII, Florida was annihilated in the Swamp by South Carolina, and obviously we all saw how the Georgia game ended.

As expected, no one took losing particularly well. You would think at some point the strength of the meltdowns coming out of Austin would taper off, but I suppose with a program that is so used to winning you can never adequately prepare yourselves mentally for a season like they have had. To a somewhat lesser extent, the same applies to Florida. Either way, let it never be said that losing and losing big does not pay dividends.

The topic list this week includes: Cody Hawkins, constitutional amendments, Trinity High School, Two Girls One Cup, blow torches, Shreveport, Memphis, gasoline, Carnival cruises, Lady Gaga, grandmothers, pimples, abortions, sheep, the Children of the Impotent, Tampon pearls, the Holocaust, self-mutilation, Harry Potter, the WAC, weed, Jarrett Lee, Cam Newton, heart attacks, Mike Shula, rape, shotguns, high heels, mini skirts, Xbox, cocaine, fire, lynchings, pawn shops, prison, paralysis, suicidal thoughts, the Atlanta Braves, Ray Charles, slingshots, and Dick Cheney.

You know the standard warning that always comes with this piece. Consider yourselves warned. Enjoy after the jump:

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Who's gonna suck Muschamp's dick now?

Both offense and the defense suck dick. No apologists for any facet of the game. Kill em all

Let Davis go and let Muschamp take his chances on the free market. Guarantee you he doesn't go any fucking where. Mother fucker ain't never run shit but his mouth.

Mother fucker is as over rated as he has made his players.

And if it's so fucking easy to fix a defense, then why the hell does ours suck shit through a straw? You people are ridiculous. Davis sucks. Muschamp sucks. DO NOT PROMOTE HIM.

Look man, quit defending that POS Gilbert, there is no defending that mother fucker now, he is toast. Move fucking on. The guy is the worst fucking QB in the history of college football. Cody FUCKING Hawkins makes Gilbert look like a high school kid.

Proposal for new constitutional amendment: shoot any motherfucker that pisses himself getting giddy calling this overrated cunt "BOOM!"

Why the fuck are ppl still starting angry threads? WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? Seriously. give up. You should have a long time ago. But every week a buncha retards get their hopes up and post, "We're gonna win this week!!!!!!", and then, when we shockingly get our shit pushed in, start 389 knee jerk threads about how the sky is falling. People. I wouldnt pick us to beat Euless trinity right about now. Stop acting all surprised that our shitty team being coached by shitty coaches keeps losing ball games.

This year, Aggie is our bowl game

Somebody needs to remake the Two Girls One Cup video with Davis and Muschamp.

Aggie will kick our ass. Shit we may not even beat FAU.

Remember when we used to bitch about Chris Sims and how he used to choke during big games. I miss those days.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ. Fucking burn me. Gasoline. Now.

This team should be put on a Carnival cruise.

And our fucking band is playing Lady Gaga. kill me now.

Bullshit. We have the worst offense in the history of college football.

I think I'd rather watch a 400 pound great-grandmother squeeze her ass pimples than watch our offense.

Why oh why is Gilbert still in the game?? Why Mack? What is the reasoning you fucking piece of shit? Mack you fucking dog, you are an abortion.

I wouldn't like our chances against Sister Mary Catherine's School for Children of the Impotent.

4th embarrassing blowout in a row. We are the new Baylor.

i hope we dont get any garbage TD's... i want a blow out...

Fuck you mack brown you fucking faggot

Why did we not bid 250k on Cam Newton again?

A&M is going to rape us like sheep.  and nobody knows how to rape sheep like an aggy

Mack Brown likes trying to hammer square pegs into round holes.

We should bench every player on the team and start the Co-op statues.

Gilbert should probably buy some Tampon pearl before next week.

even dumbass Millen thinks Mack is a dumbass

Fuck you moralistic shithead, I'd pay Newton in a heartbeat. I'd rather be a winner cheater than a law-abiding loser. Go pull for some shit school like Faggy. We're here to win not write fucking rules of ethics.

this team stars in bukkake porn with the giant cock of fail

fucking christ. here comes the anal.

aggy gave the game to Okie State, in Stillwater. they will rape us with their AIDS infested cock. no lube. no condom.

feel free to go fuck yourself with a decent sized dildo with a greg davis bobble head on the end of it.

not from u asshole. it is kinda like being in the holocaust. only fellow Horns really understand. asshole again. pile on the florida board.

Yes the Aggies will stick the final fork in this god forsaken season. Actually the worst possible outcome would be we qualify for a fucking bowl and have to wait another month before Mack would make changes to this goddamned staff.

If we have to go play in Shreveport I'm going to slit my wrists

Is Malcom Brown going to qualify? Surely if he's that fucking stupid to sign with Texas he has to have a 1.3 GPA and a 4 on the ACT. That idiot goes to Tuscaloosa and Saban has him a first round pick before he rushes for 500 yards in Mack's shitty offense.

Garrett Gilbert. Remember when he was  5 star recruit and greatest QB in Texas high school history? This is why all you recruiting numbnuts need to die. You shitlickers might as well be talking about the next Harry Potter book

I'd rather stare into a blow torch than watch another second of this team

This team is an embarrassment to pedophiles.

Why why why did I not put my entire life savings on OSU this week? Why?!?!?

I bet our offense cannot even score a point in pass skeleton drills

Mackovic won three league titles in six years; Mack has won two in 13. Just sayin'...

I'd trade Gilbert for Jarrett Lee and never think twice about it

There won't be enough weed, turkey, and lube in Austin in two weeks to get through that ass kicking from the sheep humpers

Our offense getting skullfucked by another gooftroop of a defense. We couldn't score against fucking air!!!!

I'd rather pay someone to kick me in the balls than to watch another second of our team

This team could not even finish in the top half of the WAC

I hope Mack has a heart attack.

 

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South Carolina just flat out kicked our asses. From The Coaches, to the players, to the backups….a bunch of 2 and 3 star recruits and a old man just whooped the shit out of 4 and 5 star recruits and a guy that needs to resign TODAY

Nice to see Urban finally found that bruising tailback he's been looking for since he left the womb. Too bad he showed up to the Swamp in a South Carolina uniform

I feel about Adazzio like Alabama fans felt about Mike Shula

This team should be forced to play Texas in Shreveport while wearing high heels and mini skirts

I'll say it: we should have just payed Cam Newton. There is no way Auburn could have outbid us if we tried

We're going to finish 7-5 and we ought to feel damn lucky. Swap Florida and Ole Miss, put us in the SECW, and we finish dead last in that division with a 5-7 record at best. The only thing that has saved us this season is that the SECE is so ungodly terrible

Florida State will rape us

Motherfucking puke... 7-5?!?!?!?!?! I feel like a goddamn UCF fan

Im just glad Appy State is going to rest their players for the playoffs next week or theyd probably beat us

I thought 2007 was bad. I'd take Ron Zook back any day over the season we've had this year. At least when he was around the SEC East was actually tough. Zook's teams would have won nine games against this schedule

For some reason Spurrier winning the SEC in the Swamp wasn't as enjoyable this time

If we were in the SEC West we'd be Shreveport bound

Who the fuck says we aren't anyway?

Good, I'm glad we lost, all we did was spare ourselves and embarrassment in Atlanta

Aren't you glad all of our 2011 commits can run the 40 in 4.12 seconds? Too bad they all blow a bag of dicks at football

Steve Spurrier is an asshole.  He always as been.  When he was our asshole it was one thing, but now that he wears different colors, he is just an asshole.

I'm so glad Meyer embarrassed the university again by bringing Rainey back. Nothing look a little university embarrassment on the way to punching your ticket to the Music Shitty Bowl

Who would have thought that when we didn't hire Spurrier in 05 that he would last longer than Meyer?

Meyer should have put a shotgun to Newton's forehead the second he mentioned leaving

What a shitty weekend... SoCar even whooped my ass on Xbox.

We'll be bleeding from our asses when FSU gets done with us

So, who gets the honorary guitar that goes with the Music City Bowl MVP honors?

How is it that Dick Cheney could have ten heart blowouts and still run this country for eight years when Urban can't have one decent flutter and coach a football team?

 

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I'd sell my soul for Texas' problems right now.

Going to need more cocaine to get over this one. Might just have to pawn some shit.

The only problem with setting those fucking trees on fire is that we didn't string the Newtons and Fairley up from them first

Get mad at Auburn for paying players and playing dirty as hell, at least they acted like they gave a shit

Maybe we could find a linebacker on the free agent market like Auburn found Cam?

I don't even want to win a championship, I'd settle for just being able to watch my Dawgs every week without having suicidal thoughts.

Grantham is better that Willie but still a fucking loser..he is still not a SEC DC...third or fourth choice...fuck that loser...

That fat ass FALERY is going to be a favorite among teh bastards on celll block C when his cheating ass goes to prison

Awesome, wildcat to a shitty bust recruit. Question: can we call a playaction pass out of the wildcat, Bobo?

You know the sad part of this season? Murray has been better than expected. Had he struggled, we'd be 3-9.

I am going to turn on the xbox and start drinking beer at an alarming rate.

Winning? Hell, I'd settled for just paralyzing either Newton or Fairley, and our pussies couldn't even knock 'em out of the game.

I'm dead serious... our next speciality uniform needs to feature a lace thong and fishnet stockings.

Damn, I would trade the Mad Hatter for Mark Richt anyday. At least he has balls.

Our only saving grace is that our division eats shit for dinner. A pee wee team could go 6-6 against that bunch

If Newton can stick around, Mettenberger should have too. Besides, what's the point of being a QB if you can't grab a pair of DD's when they walk by? If this team would have had any fire, Newton would have had a career ending injury on the first drive

Ray Charles must be our special teams coach to not see that onsides kick coming

Great, field goals, against these shits that's about like trying to overthrow the US government with slingshots.

I halfway expect Off week U to pull off the upset. The over / under is three arrests, bank on it.

See you in Shreveport, bro.

When the Braves are more clutch than UGA, you know shit is all wrong in Athens.