I know a good portion of the readership will hound me relentlessly for this statement, but nevertheless: I love Texas. The girl and I used to live in the DFW and frankly we loved it. It's massive, modern and sprawling with every commercial adventure imaginable at your fingertips, great barbeque and Tex-Mex everywhere, and ridiculously low prices on everything (milk, for example, is now selling for 99 cents a gallon in the DFW, with one store going as low as 79 cents; you can buy brand new 2,000 sq. ft. homes for 150k). Add in the football obsession and it's my kind of town.
Now, having said that, I don't have much for any of the Texas sports teams -- no, let me re-phrase that, I really don't have anything for any of the Texas sports teams -- but admittedly you've got to respect the Longhorns. Their affliction for orange notwithstanding, it's a program very similar to Alabama, and by that I mean a traditional powerhouse with an obsessed fan base that is arrogant as hell and basically loathed by everyone except their own kind. And when they decide to have a meltdown, well, you just have to stand back in awe.
And, yeah, getting beat by Baylor? Let's just say we almost heard the explosion echoing from Austin. Also in meltdown time this week are Georgia and Miami because, well, why not? There were a few more teams that could have made the cut this week, but we'll save some of those for later in the season (looking at you, Michigan).
The topic list is out there as usual, including: Shreveport, abortions, the Gallery Furniture Bowl, Fruit of the Loom, the mob, flyover banners, death row, plane crashes, AIDS, herpes, crabs, syphilis, Baby Jesus, printer cartridges, terrorist attacks, moral victories, intramurals, Polack jokes, Pat Dye, rape, riots, public burnings, breast cancer awareness, the death penalty, steak knives, pet murders, basket weaving, China, panties, boycotts, paper bags, Cuba, and lesbians.
You know the risks, you've been warned. Enjoy after the jump:
We just lost to fucking Baylor motherfuckers. We Are aggy. Goddamit fuck hate whore fucker dick bag.
Fuck every single person who is associated with losing to UCLA, Iowa State, and Baylor at home.
If you defend Mack Brown after this.... FUCK YOU
This abortion of a season will not be tolerated. I really hope no one shows up.
The only things left to ponder about this season is if we finish above .500 and accept a bid to Shreveport or the Gallery Furniture Bowl or whatever the fuck it's now called. Holy fuck, the shame. It's too fucking depressing to think about
Mack makes 5 million a year. Fuck that bitch. He not only deserves to get fired, he needs to return this years's salary to the University.
The game has obviously passed Mack up, and he is on the downside of his career. We do not need another Bowden/Paterno/Spurrier here. He has peaked, ship that fucker off before we become perenially mediocre.
Save for the VY and Colt era, we fucking underachieve and embarrass ourselves so much.
go fuck a sheep you cumguzzling faggot. we don't tolerate mediocrity like you inbred cousin fuckers do
Fuck mack.. Fuck mack in the ass and all his family. My son was going to come down here to see his 1st UT game in November and I'm telling him no. FUCK YOU MACK.
This might end up as one of the worst seasons in Texas history. Let that sink in.
If you go to the Oklahoma State game then FUCK YOU. Die slow go grab the biggest bag of dicks on earth and eat them all then find a fire to die in.
And after an interesting 24 hours, the banner has been lined up. So tomorrow, from 4-5, a banner that says "Greg Davis Is Not Our Standard" should be visible.
Yea, you could probably just get him kneecapped by the mob for less than that.
I would rather give everyone in the stadium a "Fire Greg Davis" sign.
Was "Greg Davis Sucks Fucking Dick" considered?
Lets have a banner that says, "HEY GUYS! DONT PLAY LIKE SHIT! GET FIRED THE FUCK UP AND BEAT BAYLORS ASS"...
the goddamn plane has crashed into the mountain
This is the worst fucking team Ive ever seen
FIRE All of Them! Fuck it I will be the first thread to show up on Texags. What is wrong with our staff?????????
This is honestly more embarrassing to our program than that killer on death row whose final words were, "Boomer Sooner" from yesterday.
i hope greg davis gets AIDS in the butt
This game makes Baby Jesus cry
Blow this fucking program up.
We haven't scored 30 points in a game since Wyoming. This shit is over. And BTW in the last calendar year, we've been swept by fucking Baylor in basketball and beaten by fucking Baylor in football. If that's not cause for Armageddon in the athletic department, then I fucking hope we start cheating so we can win a bit and then "vacate". Fuck this shit.
Burn the fucking stadium down. Riot in the streets, burn all the fucking coaches in West Campus. Destroy those stupid fucking statues.
This team is motherfucking terrible, just turrible. Fuck the coaches, fuck the players, and fuck us for believing in them this year. Let them play the rest of this season in front of an empty station with a blaring Godzillatron.
diarrhea icing on the shit cake right there
At least the Horns dont have to worry about playing in Shreveport.
Scratch Schreveport. We aren't going anywhere. KSU will beat us like we just arrived on Ellis Island
If this team was a horse, we'd shoot it.
I want to chain Greg Davis to a clone of himself and make him rape himself until a third clone I've made comes in and ass rapes both the original Greg Davis and clone #2. Then they all rape each other in a big circle until they all have herpes, AIDS, crabs and Syphilis.
Cool, the team dedicated tonight's effort to breast cancer awareness. Maybe next time they should dedicate the fucking thing to football awareness.
If malcolm brown knows whats best for him, he'd go to alabama.
Fucking clumsy ass worst mother fucking DB in Division 1 football history slow white fucking piece of shit Gideon cockroach just hurt our best defensive player. How fucking BAD can one player be??? Fuck you Muschamp for playing this ABORTION known as Gideon.
Everyone on the goddamn coaching staff needs to be fucking eliminated. Fucking fired, tomorrow at noon. Fuck everyone.
Bring on the Fruit of the Looms Underwear Bowl! (If we’re lucky…)
I hate this fucking team so fucking much.
THIS IS ON THE COACHES. THIS WHOLE FUCKING ABORTION IS ON THE COACHES.
No more bashing Gidefuckface and Gibblet for me. It is time for Mack fucking Brown to take his fat fucking ass and his 5 million dollar fatcat salary out of AUstin. Fuck Mack Brown. This shit is ALL on him. His fucking personnel decisions. His fucking failure. Fucking quit Mack you fucking Bobby Bowden ripoff.
im ordering a shit load of printer cartridges and having them delivered to mack, gd, gideon, deloss, curtis brown, te's & brent/kirby!!!!
Shit I don't know when Baylor beat Texas last. I'm too fuckng drunk to even type at this point. i hope to hell that I can even remember that Baylor won tomorrow. I can't decide whether to call a cab or an ambulance.
I just ripped my best Longhorn polo shirt in half from top to bottom. I already regret it, but I'm drunk and mad. Fuck this team.
We couldnt beat Florida if they got the death penalty
I hope Auburn runs the score up. I want them to. I want the game to be so ugly that there's no choice but to fire the a-hole!
If LSU offered us a straight up trade Richt for Miles we better take it. He's a shitty coach, but at least hes entertaining. Richt couldn't even get a laugh with a Polak joke.
Overtime was nice. Moral victory is as much of a win as we'll probably ever get against Florida
Auburn predictions? I predict UGA embarrassment. Again
Auburn? Auburn? Can we even beat Idaho State?
If we can lose to some hippy intramural team, we can lose to anybody
we will have to take a rape shower after this game.dont know how many rush yds newton comes away with but betting dyer goes thru 3 pair of cleats this game..
Really, who wants to throw to an All American wide receiver anyway?
prediction:as hard to watch as a c-section
Rambo celebrating after making his first tackle when his team is getting their asses spanked. this is why Richt is the problem. Saban would waterboard a player for that shit
Beating UT, Vandy, and KY proved one thing. We're king of the dipshits in the SEC.
All those three shit programs did was earn Richt another year
FIre them all.... the players, the coaches, the bus drivers.... fuck, fire their parents and kill their pets!!!!!
I don't expect much out of these pussies except to get arrested for dumb shit, but even I thought we could fall on the fucking football. we can't even curl up in the fetal position around the ball
no, but we sure curl up in the fetal position in that big pile of shit quite well
We are pussy bitches and so is our fucking coach. Time to get someone in this program who can win a big game. UF is the bully and we are the pussies who continue to take the abuse year after year. Thanks Field Goal Jesus and your fucking pathetic staff. Todd Grantham's defense sucks balls and Aaron Murray looked fucking lost for half this fucking game. Done with excuses and losing to these motherfuckers. I hope Rainey is killed in a fucking car crash by the way. He is a fucking thug piece of dogshit. At least a torn ACL for that fucking loser motherfucker.
we played for OT at the 3 minute mark...what a bunch of fucking pussy assed coaching....
Next year in Jacksonville they should paint midfield with UGA spreading his ass cheeks wide with a pack of Gators walking up behind him
Best WR in the game and one of, if not, the best PK's and we are playing for OT with 3 minutes left in the game. That, my friends, is the epitome of being a pussy. Pat Dye wouldn't have even tried to pull some shit like that.
I need a new emoticon... steak knife in the eye
Moral victories are for pussies. We just lost to the worst Florida team in 20 years
Yeah, Martinez was definitely the problem. Glad we spent nearly a million bucks on this fucker
With our shitty defense we should just join the Pac 10
This game was lost before the Dawgs got off the bus. Sound familiar?
We’ve demonstrated that alternate uniforms and poetry don’t work. What do we try next year… ya know, besides playing better than them? Perhaps some underwater basket weaving or cult-inspired pre-game chanting?
Don’t worry Dawgs the loss to Florida next year won’t be nearly so gut wrenching.
Too bad those couldn't be Richt's panties in that car
We will never win in JAX again. At least with CMR as our HC....We wet our pants every year.
Can we just forfeit every year to avoid tha misery?
We've shit the bed so much this year we're bumping our heads against the ceiling
Bumped the ceiling? Try collapsed the floor. We'll probably reach China by Christmas
Boycott all games until Shannon is fired
i am boycotting i tossed my maryland tix in the trash.. i am done with this team for the year.
I was going to fly down for the VT game. No more. I will attend the GT game up here, but I'll be purchasing the tickets through their Tech ticket office. Miami will no longer get any of my money.
We're paying to watch an intramural team. All 20,000 of us.
Fuck the university, no one ever came to The U because of academics. It's the football program that put the U on the map
PAPER BAGS ON YOUR HEAD IS GAME GEAR FOR MD GAME
WE LOST TO VIRGINIA!!!
Seven years in the ACC, no championship or division titles. It's time to get serious about football at Miami or shut the damn program down and quit pretending.
And to think some of you cocksucks wanted us to join the SEC.
Maybe we need to go back to the Big East
Yeah cuz the ACC is a powerhouse and all. Go back to Cuba
Where's the Slurp Crew? How they gonna suck off Randy after this?
Nothing is going to change. Shalala does not care. Look at the direction of the program. We play in a horrible stadium for college football. Randy does nothing on the field and gets an extension because of what he does off the field. The talent coming to Miami will continue to erode as the years go by and the perception that Miami is a top program dies down. The 5 NC's were great but it will never happen again as long as Shalala is ruling the U.
Somebody shoot that fucker
How do you spell Miami? I-R-R-E-L-E-V-A-N-T
The only good thing to come out of this year is that ESPN documentary from back when we were worth a shit
The only surprise from this year is our pencil dick QB lasted over half the season
We wouldn't have taken half of this as walk-ons on the 01 team
Shalala is probably munching on some kitty right now... or lapping some brown round.
Is it any surprise that the top assistant to the fired head coach in 2006 is failing?
Thank god i got paid yesterday, now i can drink this pain away
JIMMY JOHNSN PLS COME BACK MIAMI!!!
Jimmy my ass, Larry Coker please!!!
We've fallen below South Florida at this point, and at this rate Central Florida has us in the crosshairs
How can such an obvious lesbo dike care so little about football?