clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

It's Meltdown Time...

New, comments

Let it never be said that we cannot poke fun at ourselves, or, well, at least wallow in our own damn misery. For those who denigrate Meltdown Time as a way for the 'Bama fans at RBR to make fun of less fortunate fan bases, enjoy the rivers of crimson tears below. If we could have only played on Saturday night like we melted down postgame then we'd all be enjoying hardy laughs about Les Miles getting sodomized in broom closets by deranged Swamp People castoffs, but alas it was not to be.

We'll also throw Ole Miss and South Carolina into the meltdown mix this week just because we don't want this to become a one-man show, but really, you are here for the 'Bama butthurt, so the rest is just obligatory.

Subjects of meltdown time this week include retards, the 1830s, medical scholarships, testicles, bukkake, Jerry Sandusky, the periodic table, rats, Cam Newton, the Milky Way Galaxy, Roseanne Barr, string bikinis, supermodels, shovels, Mother Theresa, free suits, pay for play, tornado relief efforts, the football gods, condoms, the mafia, elevator shafts, eco-terrorism, Craig James, Mike Leach, taints, flaming cacti, Punt 'Bama Punt, Elvis, alien love child abortions, Batboy, Roswell Gray, Spike 80, suicide, Jar Jar Binks, broken home products, family desertion, drugs, balconies, guns, Ray Perkins, the Mayans, tossed salds, Ex-Lax, the McRib, the death penalty, Shreveport, fat homeless hobos, gangrene, prom queens, pumping gas, Pamela Anderson, Enron, SNL, the Feds, Mike Williams, Golden Corral, endless chocolate fountains, corporate America, masturbation, Lou Holtz, Ford Pintos, the Macarena, fraternities, the Sun Belt, Chinese checkers, Cracker Barrel, meatloaf, hashbrown casserole, monkeys, hand grenades, epidurals, child molesters, lawyers, Andrew Luck, sweet potato pie eating contests, Xbox Live, Julio Jones, Southern Miss, Mormons, and Hell.

As always, this piece is in no way safe for work, and should not be read by anyone who is easily offended by foul language. Consider yourself warned. Click below for the jump for Meltdown Time. Enjoy:


I live in fucking Baton Rouge. And my girlfriend is a LSU fan. My night sucks 5 million dicks. LSU played like shit, we played like retards. Shit won.

Only if we can get someone who can convert 3 points. Goddamnmotherfuckingkickers!!!

Roll Tide and well done McIllwain. You really showed some grit and determination. Now, get the fuck out of T-town, or have faith in your offense!

McIlwain’s 1830s offensive strategems are what stalled this team’s drives.

Any chance Cade gets one of those medical scholly things we dole out?

The OC fucked us all night long. He needs to leave T-town immediately

Our OC needs to grow a pair or get the fuck out of the business.

that interception call was a huge stinking pile of horse shit.

Go fuck yourself in your ear you Barner Asshat. I hope you enjoyed you self made bukkake party earlier. Eat Shit and die

I would have taken a shower with Jerry Sandusky to make one of those field goals in regulation!

FUCK THE PERIODIC TABLE I don't care if it's biting, bite me

You forgot the SEC bylaws. One of them says "It’s okay as long as it’s against Alabama." I bet the cocksuckers give that dirty rat-bastard a fucking medal.

Fuck this entire galaxy. In what world does a cheating, lying sack of shit like Cam Newton beat Alabama one year and the next Alabama attempts to win it all by face-planting against a cheating, classless cock sucker like Mathieu?

It was an INT like Roseanne Bar is a supermodel. Now imagine that crazy bitch in a fucking string bikini.

I am enraged as fuck right now. I’d attack Mother-fucking-Theresa with a shovel right now if she wore a #7 LSU shirt. WOW. ENRAGED.

And now I have to deal with the Barners despite their team being gang-fucked by LSU. Fucking Auburn fans


The process can kind of go fuck itself. i really just want to win.

Can somebody hook up a free suit for a good kicker please?

I've got $200,000 for the dad of whoever can kick a 50 yard field goal

I am glad that Saban at least fessed up to fucking up, but in my opinion, he should donate the part of salary that exceeds Miles to the relief effort in T-town because he didn’t earn it tonight.

All I have to say is that motherfucker better not have a godamn scholarship next fucking year! He knows who the fuck he his

If OTS were on here he’d win the meltdown all by himself. It may well be best that he cool down alone.

I can't believe I can confessed to all that shit in the HooDoo Thread. fuck the football gods and fuck Auburn.

Hey refs, ProTip: Have Les wear a condom before you give him a BJ. I see some white stuff on your uniforms.

Fuck Mathieu. I hope the New Orleans mob leaves him at the bottom of an elevator shaft

LSU you better hide your trees

And move those purple cocksuckers to the SEC East

Is Cade Foster Craig James' son?

If so we need to get Mike Leach on our coaching staff

The refs and the kickers did one thing right: They successfully fucked up and made me feel like I’ve been hit in the taint with a flaming cactus.

I hope the kids in the ref's neighborhoods left a flaming bag of shit on their porches


I think I preferred "Punt 'Bama Punt." Fuck my life, and fuck the blind fuckers who refereed this Elvis’ alien love child abortion.

If a Batboy and a Roswell Gray had a love child ... it would have looked better than this fucking game.

Hey guys, how long til this Spike 80 shit I just swallowed starts working?

Fuck. I wish CBS had aired nothing but Jar Jar Binks clips from the dumbass prequels instead of airing this flaming bag of dicks.

I destroyed a broom and thru it 100ft then walked 3 miles home and left my family behind.
Im too emotional for this crap

My life stinks at the moment. I can’t drink or drug because I would blow 18 months of sobriety, can’t jump off the balcony because I live on the second floor, and can’t shoot myself because my only gun shoots plastic darts.

this reminds me of a drinking holiday in LA. picked up a really hot chick and in the darkness of the hotel room tasted the best pussy of my life… going back for seconds the next morning and coming face to face with a patch of big herpes … i would still choose that memory over watching this game ever again.

If Ray Perkins ran a play and it picked it up 10 yards he’d run the damn thing til the Mayan Cows came home or they stopped it.

I just want to know who is cleaning McElwain’s sheets, cause he done doo doo’d them up

They just need to burn that whole damn bed tonight

Second half playcalling like we were tossing salads on a 300 pound fatass who just swallowed a case of Exlax



McDonalds cannot make enough McRibs to drown away all my sorrows

Headline Suggestion: Arkansas Castrates Cocks

Our only hope is if Florida gets the death penalty next week

With Nutt firing his final load, no other coach in SEC football is the poster child of mediocrity more than Inferior

Guess I should have just swung through Shreveport on the road trip over to Fayetteville?

We didn't force a punt? NOT ONE GODDAMN PUNT!!?!??

How in the world is this team 7-2? This is like a fat homeless hobo with gangrene porking the prom queen

Fuck you you fat piece of shit motherfuckin Alshon Jeffrey. Had the mentality of a first round pick

Who knew Kiffin was right on Jeffery? Hell, he'll be lucky to even end up pumping gas at this point

Thank god for Bama and LSU so know one watched this shitstorm

Did anybody really believe this team was legit? I'd believe Pam Anderson's tits are real before South Carolina

Spurrier has now spent just as long as an offensive dunce as a genius. He was shown up as a sham before Enron

Watching our offense is like watching one of those goddawful SNL skits they air three minutes before it goes off air

If Shaw is out for Florida the Feds might ban that from TV. If I even tried to think about how bad a third string SoCar quarterback would be, my whole head would implode

Alshon is going to be the only person to eat himself out of the league before he ever even gets there. Note to Mike Williams Part II, youre supposed to cash that eight figure check before you start eating at Golden Corral four times a day

Looked like he was turning the corner and then GC came out with that endless chocolate fountain. Goodnight Gamecock Nation. Fuckin' corporate america

I bet Lattimore feels like the luckest man alive to have blown out his knee when he sees this O play

I can just picture Garcia naked in his room back home stroking his dick to our game film for three hours straight

I'll be glad when the Holtz era is over

Houston Nutt going back on the open market. Think he's a big enough of a retread for us to go after him?

I'd feel better about getting rear-ended in a Ford Pinto than this offense ever leading a comeback

Can't wait til the message board heroes come out in full force next February on Signing Day.

Looking back on the first time I watched Spurrier's offense play it's like the first time I heard the Macarena



I'll let colored into my fraternity if it meant we could win the SEC West

Fuck this I want OUT. Sun Belt, Coffee Belt, I don't give a shit we gotta leave!!!

Chess match? More like chinese checkers

More like that little peg game at Cracker Barrel. i.e. that frustrating way of passing the time until the meatloaf and hashbrown casserole (LSU-Bama game) arrives.

Fuck it. I hope KU blows us out. I'm sick of watching this shit

Ole Miss Football. It’s like watching a monkey eat a hand grenade

I just realized that I’ve seen Ole Miss lose more times than I’ve seen them win. I kinda feel stupid…

We need to hire a new assistant who’s job is slapping players who fuck up!

He'd break his hand slapping that many players

Can I get an epidural here?


So long as we don't hire anyone from Penn State

Fuck me. I'd almost rather have a child molester as coach than anybody we currently have on staff.

Well, I'm a Mississippi lawyer, nothing shocks me anymore. And I’m likely going to hell anyway.

Look on the bright side, with the worst record we get dibs on Andrew Luck. Oh, wait….

Ugh, I just turned around and saw footage of a sweet potato pie eating contest. It was disgusting and looked like vomit, and yet it still wasn’t the worst thing I saw today.

You want a positive note for OM football: The DC isn't fucking pre-teens in the ass in the locker. That we know of. Yet. Nothing Else

And measuring in at 1.197 inches, the SMALLEST DICK IN THE SEC.... THE OLE MISS REBELS!

I think we should just dump real football and form our on league on Xbox Live

Mississippi schools have made Matt Rork look like Julio Jones the past two weeks

Southern Miss is embarrassed. Theyre going to drop Mississippi just because it's killing there brand name

"Max Smith just pulled out." Surely he wasn't talking about Black Bears ass

Any year that begins by losing to a bunch of Mormons is going to be a bad one. Only thing excusable to lose to them is splooging in your sister

There ought to be a spot in the hottest pits of hell for the asshole that invented Ole Miss football