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It's Meltdown Time! | Week Seven

This week's shameful revel in the misery of others includes meltdowns from Texas, Auburn, Tennessee, South Carolina, and West Virginia.

Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

We had a lot of folks contribute this week, so big thanks to J Tadpole, kace, *nameredacted*AKACJ, The Good Doc, bhamuagrad03, etnbama, sylvests, bammer, @shegotagronk, smashedants, lonemdg, @dabbott14, TiderUpNorth, bradjohnson220, bamafanchad, MDB Tide, MattRP, and maroonoldcrow.

As always, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER if you are in any way easily offended. That means dirty words, sexual innuendo, potty humor, and etc. Just don't do it. Trust me. And away we go...

We will never hire a coordinator. If saban is worth $12 million on the Mack brown salary scale then $#@!ing pay the man $12 million a year. What the $#@! are we stockpiling all this goddamn cash for? Take that big swinging $#@! and slap it down on the table and buy saban. Lets turn our money-making championships into actual $#@!ing championships. Christ almighty.

for being unable to tackle, shit*y coaching, no heart, being overrated, and too many other things to completely and utterly disgusted and embarassed to be a longhorn today...fucking hook' em!

at least we're not auburn?

Auburn would beat us

At least we haven't turned it over five times in our yearly ass beating.

This seems like a good day to get an enema

Vodka doneplete. Good thing I have a gallon of rum. Is there some sort of football game on?

Offense sucks, Defense sucks, coaching sucks, attitude sucks and the worst part is I can't make myself turn it off, I'm going to sit here and watch it till it's over. Fuck me.

How in the $#@! can the old man survive FOUR of these ass rapes. He just can't. Can he? Who ultimately makes the call. Dodds? Big Cigars?

So if OU sucks do we swallow?

Fuck this. I'm gonna go watch auburn at least attempt to fight off ole miss trying to rape them.

Fuck it. Just start taking out knees.

We aren't faking it. They are making us their birches and it hurts.

Early Kendall Thompson injury report - Bruised Anus (return questionable)

If I were at the game, at this point I'd just be gunning shots of whisky and seeing if I could make myself puke on the tilt-a-whirl.

David Ash needs to go Varsity Blues and fire it at Mack's face. Unfortunately, he'd probably miss, and give Malcolm Brown a concussion.

so far today, one ex OU friend blocked me on FB still working on more...

Oh good, a regional coverage of Narnia College for Whites Only will take over this disaster. I'm out, thank goodness. I'm going fishing.

Thank you Mack brown and thank you manny Diaz. My 7 yr old son called me before his football game upset because your abortion of a football team is getting ass raped. You have let us all down your youngest fans are even affected

If we win out it will be because of a lot of plane crashes.

I will fistfight any of you motherfukers riggt now srsly sned me a pm if you want these knuckles across your big white asses

It stinks like sex in here.

We have the new Joe Paterno minus the buttrape. Mack should move to the press box to collect his paychecks.

Pretty sure I'm watching the buttrape right now....

At least their cheerleaders remain ugly as $#@!

Come on OU!! Blow Texas out!! Maybe that'll help DeLoss fire the entire coaching staff!! I hope OU wins 100-2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More yards on the personal foul than the first part of the entire $#@!ing half. Jesus, someone get me some Everclear.

Best play we had...a late hit by OU

I haven't had a drink since 1997.....


This team is charmin soft

I'm so $#@!ing sick of Stoops whipping that ass.

Fire everyone. EVERYONE.

le sigh

we might as well have John L. Smith as our coach, atleast we wouldn't be paying him 5 mil for the same $#@!ty coaching

But but Texas beat ou in NCAA 2013....

This seems like a good day to get an enema

At this point I'm thinking there should be a mass boycott of the next home game. Just no one show up. $#@! banners. Hit them in the pockets. $#@! this rah-rah "support the team" $#@!.

ou offense is diarrhea and our defense is a strainer.

Some good meltdown material on this thread. So we've got that going for us....

Colt's injury against Bama is the event that changed a program.

If he plays that game out, we beat Bama, Mack rides off into the sunset with two MNCs, Muschamp slides in and we're right back in the mix this year and next.

Now, we're faced with a possible slide into irrelevance if either Mack isn't gone, or we $#@! up his replacement.

We are already irrelevant...if there is a Texas Standard.

I remember walking out of the Rose Bowl thinking that.

We should pay Mack Brown in tampons.

yup... everyone wear black shirts. it took half the stadium boo-ing the offense every drive in the byu game in 2010 for Mack to bench Gilbert. Baylor will help out here. At the game, we need to BOO, chant "resign", "Sack Mack", "you're a pussy $#@!got bitch Mack Brown, go $#@! yourself" ... whatever you want to change. You want a platform to voice your displeasure? Start at the home games while we are losing. That $#@! will not go unnoticed.

do not buy another $#@!ing shirt, ticket, or anything. do not show up to the game early. $#@!ing leave as early as you can. don't show up as the players walk into the stadium.

I would kill to get Saban, but it isn't happening. And I don't know why anybody wouldn't want him, other than hard feelings over 2009, because he eats, breathes, and $#@!s nothing but winning football games. But I guess he is not PC enough for some of our fanbase.

Brian Boitano > Mack Brown.

Anyone with balls, even gay balls would be better than the infected vagina of a staff that we have right now.

I just received a vasectomy yesterday. Thinking of trying to do another one during the second half. By myself.

Like I literally can't believe this shite. We're fricking terrible. We just gave ole miss their first win in 16 sec game. We will lose to vandy. That means AUBURN is the WORST team in the sec and that is absolutely INEXCUSABLE. FIRE frickING EVERYONE. There is no way this should e tolerated. Sorry but frick chizik and frick his bitch arse coaching style. Toothless frick. Go pray, maybe god can help you stupid frick.

Hey, at least we'll be on SportsCenter tonight

If I make it through football season without shooting my face off it's going to be a miracle. Thanks Auburn.

Can I get a war eagle hahahahahaha we suck so bad I'm jst gonna turn on another game so I can see what real football looks like.

I DO NOT know y or how I even trick myself into getting excited to watch my football team

Number one recruiting class players are now Juniors 7th ranked recruiting class are sophmores and 10th ranked are freshmen you can take that family, love, all in bull shit somewhere else. Im still an au fan but ill take grey shirting over loyalty cuz well it pretty simple it fn wins games

Can we please get rid of our absolutely HORRIBLY STUPID CANT THROW WORTH A SH!T OR READ A PLAY quarterback?! For the love of god!



I'm beginning to feel like a Vanderbilt fan, except I'm not that smart and don't have any money.

That defender just made a tackle with his back! We can barely make a tackle while we're facing directly ahead.

This is not being negative by any means, just realistic. I think that we honestly played a decent bit better today.

Is Leoffler's playbook written in crayon

Leoffler owes Auburn a refund!!! He's brought a K-mart offense to Auburn.


There was no one offsides there. No one. Perhaps lined up in the NZ, but that is NEVER called on punts

That's kind of what I thought. Someone needs to open an investigation. We've been getting boned all year by penalties that don't exist.

god i hate this FUCKING team

Fire CSL after this game and pay Petrino to come and take over as OC for the rest of the year and then boot him in December.

Is anyone else cheering for a big "come to Jesus" moment for Petrino? We are 1 Harley away from a decent program.

Forget Petrino, he is a loser...unless he is willing to share.


he was never down.. crap...

Damn. We just got Dyer'd

We got swept by the State of Mississippi. Let that sink in.

Don’t bring God into sports. If it is a "God thing" when we win; it must be God’s will when we lose.

Our team is the team that God loves and supports and In defeat it is satan that drains our joy. Coach Chizic is a Godly man that deserves to win. We will not turn our back on the values that brought us a mnc.

I can’t believe what I am reading. Are we going to be like the bammers because of one bad season. CGC brought us the mnc. Have you all forgotten. We are a family, with a creed. Maybe you guys aren’t quite the Auburn men and women that you have always claimed to be

Chiz has a losing record to everyone that matters + Vandy,

We had a horseshoe rammed up our tail in 2010 evidenced by 8 come from behind wins. Now we are getting beaten over the head with it.

Total score in 4th quarter Opponents 62-AU 3

Two years ago, I said it would never happen. That the man had it together. That he had the right people with him to make the necessary adjustments. Unfortunately, that time has passed. The naysayers were right… he lasted just about as long as they said he would.

Does anyone know if we were cursed by someone?

Maybe we signed our soul away for the 2010 season and now powers above and below are both upset.

It is amazing how quickly Jacobs and Chizik went from heroes to villains.

all 4th quarters are dead to me.

There ain't no reason to be taking the lords name in vain. This is all satan's fault anyway. Gene's wife said so

Scuck Fot Loeffler.

We are fighting for our lives against the bottom of the barrel team In the SEC and it is looking quite possible that we take the crown. Let that sink in.

Oh it has sunk in.

I hate this team. I hate the ineffectual player, the incompetent coaches, the wacko coaches's wives. All of these sorry f

Our ineptitude is only exceeded by our stupidity

If we lose this game, will even 1 Auburn fan alive still support Chizik?

His wife and facebook friends.

i just defriended him

Turning this s*** off. Guess I'm not "All In"?

We are interception.

flipping over to watch the turds. At least they can tackle

ive got vandy tickets. I'll pay someone $50 to take them

Now every SEC team will play us for their homecoming..

We should be kicked out of the SEC by the end of the week

From the penthouse to the outhouse in a year and a half.

Do OM fans just storm the field or do they storm the field and carry Chizik around on their shoulders.

What about ULM. They have to be thinking, "how did we lose to these guys"?

I'm bummed that we are not playing Kentucky this year. We need a measuring stick.

I wish that some kids "Make-A-Wish" wish would be for Gene to resign as HC

I can't take Auburn serious with Uncle Rico and Nelly on the coaching staff.

Notice them talking about all of the freshmen for Ole Miss. Notice that are little. Notice they are competitive in every game. We're the only school with all the excuses

Auburn is a school before football. People come here to get an education, not for football or other sports.

Watching Auburn play on offense is like having Ray Charles as QB Stevie Wonder as WR and Helen Keller at RB.

Chizik is a moron. I wish we played against Joker Phillips this season so we could see how much of a better coach he is than Chizik.

Last time we played Ole Miss in Oxford it was the biggest shit show. Auburn took over that town. We were also undefeated. Good times

Be 'All In' and support your Auburn Tigers by hoping we get blown out and embarrassed by Ole Miss today, and Vandy next week. It's for the betterment of our program. If you want to keep Chizik for another year of 5-7, then you hate Auburn and you hate success.

I, for one, appreciate how consistent Auburn has been this year.

The God thing is finished. SATAN REIGNS OVER AUBURN!" God went back to South Bend!!!

Well, time to watch the awesome bammer team........True freshman just blocked a punt. Yeldon looks good. Let's face it. Yeldon was very smart in his decision process if he wants to play in the NFL

Remember when everyone was laughing at Hugh Freeze for mass mailing recruiting materials to everyone in the United States after he took the OM job? Yeah, it looks like he's gonna get his first SEC win today. But hey, all is well. I'm sure we'll all dance around the fucking fax machine in Feb. with all of our great "'cruits", right?

Well at least Auburn losing almost every game will mean we get a high draft pick. Wait a minute...

LSU, thanks for giving us Auburn fans false hope by allowing us to play you close.

Start a new tradition. Roll Chizik's house after each loss. Save the oaks.

Heard Bill Oliver say once that the 1998 Auburn team was the worst talent he ever saw on a college field. I don't believe this bunch could beat them.

Do you think if auburn had hired mike shula, it would make it more easy to understand why we suck?

I guess that Pat Dye will be sent out again this week on another Explanation Tour.

Sal's plan to confuse Russell by leaving everybody open ain't working out.

Cheering for the Vols is like...

It's like a marriage. You get hurt sometimes, and sometimes it's really hard...but you could never love anyone else. This is hard to watch. And I want better. But I could never cheer for anyone other than my Vols. Here's hoping for a better second half and a better second half of the season.

I thought you were going to say like getting kicked in the balls because right now it really sucks

It's more like slitting your wrist incorrectly and wondering why you aren't dying.

Except you can't punch the Vols in the face when they don't do the dishes. playing strip poker with my sister like scratching your balls in public. It feels good and embarrasing at the same time.

I LOVE loosing, as I sit in a state that wins. F.'k Alabama!

I expect a record crowd for Bama

fans entering Neyland Stadium next week. I won't predict an exact number but I wouldn't be surprised to see at least over half the stadium in crimson.

Nightmare of epic proportions

I literally want to cry watching this. I'm so GD f*%##ing sick of LOSING!

Tyler Bray tweet: "We have some bandwagon fans. Hopefully my apt. isn't egged."

We won't throw eggs Tyler. We'll throw beer bottles and golf balls!

I think we can get Bob Stoops

And the wheels on the bus are coming off, coming off, coming off

D trying not to show to much for the Bama game?

Sal's plan to confuse Russell by leaving everybody open ain't working out

TBray looked a little pissed right there after CPs TD. Wanted to go 3 & out again I guess...

No way the D could be more out of position even if they were on the sidelines....

I think it's been since 1265BC since we got a 3 and out

how does the motherfucker fall down for 5 yards? SON OF BITCH guys!!!!

One word: just being out coached

Neylan Staium...Because there is no D at all in Knoxville.

Our d wore them out running up and down the field

Johnson has been huge tonight.

U-Haul in Knoxville....(865) 622-2094

at least we will beat Missouri, Vandy, and Kentucky.. well.. at least 2 of them.. ok maybe 1.. maybe

Fire the players cause dooley is awesome. dooley needs more time.... this is not his fault....he has a great staff. he has recruited great. he has depth.. he has talent....

Can we burn mattresses for a coach NOT leaving town?

With hip surgery an ass kicking would be out of line!


Us and Kentucky may be one heck of a pillowfight at this rate.

SO SICK!! So sick of everyone on FB being right about our team!! Sorry but having humble character guys in Tennessee doesn’t win in SEC football!! Give me every hard nosed monster from Dade County Florida and worst neighborhoods in Alabama and Texas. It sucks hearing Cocky fans of other fan bases talk crap and be right about every game our team plays!! They can be Cocky jerks and never have their foots shoved in their mouths.

If Dooley isn't going to use his pain killers, perhaps he could share them with the fans #VOLS

#Vols First half recap: It's over. #ThankGod

Vol fans. He's coming #believe #Gruden #fireDooley

Fire Dooley hire Fulmer

If #Dooley ever got a signature win beyond beating Ole Miss, said signature would look like it was written by a drunk 3rd grader. #Vols

We are Vandy with a big stadium.

Looks like Doody and Chizek are playing musical electric chair. Who will be the first to go????????????

Any person wanting Dooley one more day knows nothing about winning football games and most likely wears women's clothes.

ESPN can't even give us a legitimate acronym on the 'bottom line' and now Herbie calls us 'trendy.' we're fucked.

Is anyone actually surprised?

If shaw isnt going to throw the ball than spurrier should at least throw the visor. someone throw something. please.


diiid spurrier just have a siezure or mini stroke over his own play calling?

my 93 year old grandpa shits quicker than shaw can make a decision

i guess this is how clemson fans feel every year.

i didn't think it could be any worse, but then my neighbor stopped sucking mark richt's cock long enough to call the police and file a noise complaint. fml.

welp, maybe next year


If I hear "Tigaaahhh bait tigahh bait" one more time i'm going to gator chomp someone in the face.

why doesnt spurrier just come out and admit that Shaw pissed himself... he didnt get knocked in the head, he pissed all over himself and tried to run in a circle like a scared homeless dog on bourbon street

youre telling me some rando drops his pants at a college football game and not a single LSU fan doesnt try to molest him? oh wait, he's in his 30s. maybe that's winning in itself.

idiots like this are the reason why Mystikal is rotting in jail over consperacy charges.

hey... he didn't teabag anybody

My two minute drills on Xbox look 10x better than Steve Spurrier's ever will.


I'm pretty sure my cause of death later in life will be in some way related to the Gamecocks.

well guys was nice while it lasted some ones gotta win and some ones gotta lose thats it that is f#ckin it dmanit man we are done we are done we suck we dont deserve an sec title at all florida is going to kick our ass watch

Fuck this game. Can't beat LSU and the refs both. Might as well say fuck it, Let the team take a massive shit on the field so they know what we think of them and their bullshit and come on home. Go ahead and start prep on Florida. Shaw can piss off. I want a quarterback who can actually a throw the ball worth a shit consistently and he ain't it.

Fuck LSU. Fuck Louisiana. Fuck ESPN. Fuck Les Miles. Fuck a honey badger. Fuck this game. Fuck our shitty passing game. Fuck that piece of shit trashy ass wannabe french state.

Don't want the SECCG anyway. Bama would abuse us worse than LSU did.

Drunk! Go us! God dammit I wanna kill myself!

Will the SC D Line please meet your party at the rocket. (That's the lost person announcement at the SC state fair if you're wondering)

Can we put the o-line on defense? They can hold/tackle better.

can't stop a blind man with a wall.

I'm starting to tire of watching every quarterback we play look like a heisman canidate

why punt at least if you don't get it there stats don't look as good as if when they go all the way down the field

holgorsen talks about energy on our sideline during away games. geno smith looks like he wants to go to bed on the sideline

:56 they might score twice

So Stewart hires an OC with no experience and the O sucks. Holgs hires a DC with no experience and the D sucks. What is the lesson here?

Oklahoma may drop 200 on us

I would assume that Holgy would like to stick his foot square up the ass of the school that did his mentor wrong.

I wish Geno was on bath salts. He might actually run when he has the chance.

Only thing left do do is drink and pray now

I would B&M more but the board is freezing up. Just thought I'd B&M about that too.

i am 100% confident our defense will give up a huge play here

burning contracts instead of couches

No worry about Holgs leaving for Texas.....I mean he is getting outcoached by Tommy Fluberville for God's sake.

TT has to throw the ball in the same wind as us.

The wind? Seriously??

Man that wind has a horrible secondary. The wind also is playing tight and forcing throws. The wind also sucks at rushing the passer. The wind also allows normal screen/draw plays to go for ridiculously high yardage...Damn you're so good at football.

Is Texas Tech playing with the same wind? No excuse we suck today

everyone in here is "whining like a bitch". if you don't like it, get the f out

Now I get to go clean horse stalls. The whole day is filled with horse sh!t.

disgust me, this bunch makes me want to throw up in my mouth

at least our shittyness is consistent

I can't even fathom losing next week. That's just how I roll.

dana and co just got their d*cks kicked in by tommy tubbs. owned.

Forget couches. I'm gonna set fire to some of these freshmen preaching about "being a real fan" and "supporting WVU." get lost.

Never underestimate how much WVU football can dissapoint you.

WVU legions are once again left to wonder WHY CAN'T WE FUCKING PLAY DEFENSE!!!! One ashamed Redneck here

On the flipside, when was the last time someone rushed the field when they beat WVU

Well I'm off to Joe DeForest's house to burn it down. I just wanna see how he'll try to defend it. I think it will burn to ash.

Offense should play ironman, our wr's could probably cover better than our cb's

Only thing left do do is drink and pray now

So maybe we don't have to worry about Texas taking Holgorsen.

Now I get to go clean horse stalls. The whole day is filled with horse sh!t.

Well we don't have to worry about Morgantown burning tonight.

Maybe the corpse of Bear Bryant will be willing to coach D. Doubt it will hurt.

we're losing to a team that doesn’t know how to tailgate

I honestly have never hated anything as much as I hate watching our defense.

I dunno which is worse right now... My skyrocketing bp or my game-induced nausea

Well time for me to throw up my lunch. This is absolutely sickening.

The Belk bowl is a stretch now

Requirements to play DB at WVU:

1) Never stand within 10 yards of WR before the snap.

2) Don't closer than 5 yards until the ball is thrown.

3) Allow WR to catch said ball

4) Miss and tackling by not wrapping up and instead just bump the opposing player with your shoulder

5) Let Darwin Cook run him down from behind if he hasn't alrady scored a TD.