It's Meltdown Time! | Week Thirteen

Huge Roll Tides to J Tadpole, lonemdg, Tide-girl, MDB Tide Roll, and *NameRecacted* AKA CJ for contributing this week.

WARNING: There is a lot of vulgarity ahead. A lot. Bad words, toilet humor, sexual innuendo, and etc. Lots of it. If you are the easily offended type then do not read any further. Just don't do it. You have been warned.

OREGON

Of course ABC digitally manufactured a catch on TV making sure they cut out the bobble and made the incomplete look like a completion. Let the players on the field decide the game rather than the refs in the booth.

I'm new to the game threads... what is the rally procedure?

CAPS LOCK, PANTS OFF, POUR WHISKEY

this is a weird, stressful game. I feel like this is what most college football fans see every week. But it feels weird.

Elevated blood pressure is elevated blood pressure. I don’t know how those SEC folk do this.

We are getting fucking owned. Fucking owned like I haven't seen for a long time. it feels weird.

While you may be freaking out, I’m loving this. I love close football games (where we hold the advantage). GO DUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKSSS!!!!!

I like blow jobs, and lots of touchdowns. Who’s with Jared, close games where we might lose? Or with me, free blow jobs and UO touchdowns galore?

ANYONE EXCITED ABOUT THE FACT THAT OUR KICKING GAME MAY HAVE TO WIN THIS GAME FOR US?

So, We’ve basically not been able to move the ball all fucking night. Are we expecting that to change in OT?

Right now, my only thought is "I hope their kicker sucks more than ours does"

Inside run, inside run, incomplete pass, missed FG. Calling it!

You guys realize we could lose the Rose Bowl and the Natty in this game?

it was a good run. the trolling will be...epic

Stanford has lost like 5 games in 3 years. It’s possible that we should give them more respect.

Well, I'm gonna go beat my wife's dog. Good night, people.

If I ever see anyone that had a hand in the officiating of this game - I'm going to fucking throat-punch him.

I’m almost just hoping Georgia wins it all now, because they aren’t Bama, Notre Dame, or Florida. Although FLorida in that game would be funny to watch. they suck.

Dear Alejandro Maldonado,
I know bad things have been written about you. I know you’ve been shaky at best and actually destroyed any chance last year we had at going back to the National Championship Game. But that is all in the past. Please accept our deepest apologies and if it offended you, please don’t think about them when you’re lining up for that game winning kick.
Sincerely,
ATQ.
P.S. Hey Chip, don’t ever let it depend on a FG to win. Leave no doubt.

Well, I'm gonna go beat my wife's dog. Good night, people.

it was a good run. the trolling will be...epic

My neighbors are going to think a murder just took place in my APT

they'd be right, Stanford just murdered the Ducks title hopes

Any of you Stanford med students want to diagnose the pain shooting down my arm?

Common ducks! Make 'em regret their perfect SAT Scores!

GOD DAMMIT. HOLY SHIT IM GOING TO THROW UP.

FUCK EVERYTHING

OK OK OK.... This doesn't put Bama back into the NC automatically... they still have to get through... Auburn???...fuck....

I almost shit myself there but the turnover made the poop go back into my butt.

I can't feelmy face anymore.

How long can you live without a beating heart?

godfuckingdamnitsonofabitchcocksuckermotherfucker

NEXT WEEK IM A UCLA AND USC FAN. FUCK WHY. I DONT HAVE ENOUGH BEER TO COPE WITH THIS

Stanford, god damn it. I don't blame you for that shitty TD call in the 4th; it was a hell of a play. I don't blame you for recovering the fumble in overtime; it was a hell of a play. I don't blame you for winning the fucking coin flip.You guys played great, and you earned the shit out of that victory. That was some of the best defense I've ever seen in college ball. go fuck the devil in hell

FLASE START FUCK THSE REFS FUCK SHIT FUCK

Valium time...

GOD DAMNIT CHIP YOU'RE FUCKING PISSING ME OFF

I CANT BELIEVE WE LOSE TO THE FUICKING TREE!!!!!!

It was nice knowing everyone

KANSAS STATE

That little 1 by your name is a fickle bitch. I'm going to vomit.

Ugh. Might as well go to bed instead of having to listen to Holtz wax poetic about fucking Notre Dame.

Can the Big 12 get a little respect yet? This is what our second worst team looks like against #1 in the nation.

Fuck looks like we might get a ND vs Bama NCG. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Do you hear that? That's the sound of the entire southeast + Indiana cumming at once.

I can't believe I'm saying this butPLEASE win this Oregon. Keep the SEC out of the fucking NCG.

What is this shit? Ron Prince coaching somehow? There is absolutely no fucking discipline or self-control.

Everything the mediots said about this game is coming true. Ugh.

Think i'm going to vomit.

You guys That thing is happening. That bad thing. :(

Ok, I think I'm going to go watch bad British TV instead Because wtf, I don’t need the ulcer.

Why the effing hell is the D line so jumpy? God I’m pissed to hell

there has to be holding in the interior line because our guys are not this bad at tackling

Absolute implosion.

This week's Collin Klein Heisman Watch: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

FUCKING SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.

I need more mixer for my drinks. This is a tire fire.

either we have the flu or we are being held we are slow everywhere.

When we are good, we are good. When we are bad … it is laughable.

I WILL TAKE MORAL VICTORIES

Man, I even put on the wife's purple bathrobe at half time in a desperate move. Now I lost the game and my manhood! (‘s okay. I wasn’t really using it anyhow…)

DEAR GOD Do we really have to play the 4th quarter?

I hate to post the most depressing thing all night but... Is it going to be another 14 – 15 years before we get this close to a MNC game? I mean this year was it…

It wasn't ever supposed to happen again. And it may never again. The vast majority of college football programs never even think of a national championship.

We need Jesus Christ, Buddah, Vishnu, Ahura Mazda, Tom Cruise, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster to come down and create the miracle of miracles

I hate baylor, I hope it burns in hell. oh wait its in Waco, they already kind of are

After this game, I don't care if the Mayans are right.

We lost to the second worst team in our league with the worst D in CFB. How can you sugar coat that?

It was truly an epic display of pathetic-ness

Oregon goes down. It’s official. Nick Saban is the devil.

Phucking S.I.Jinx. This sucks!

Hope ESPN has enough lotion now that the SEC is back in the hunt.

This team has gone full retard.

OUR DEFENSE LOOKS LIKE SHlT TONIGHT. I DON'T KNOW IF WE COULD EVEN STOP A POP WARNER OFFENSE TONIGHT.

One of Snyder's tree limbs just kicked the bark out of him with their defense.

This is fcking embarassing.

I have had enough. Everybody Loves Raymond is on and it is more entertaining.

No Ducks or Cats in the NC game. Animal haters.

What the fuck happened to our tackeling?

I mean what the FUCK is our defense doing?

I'm out.

Going off line

FUCKING MALONE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK!

Never mind. Love you.

FUCKING TACKLE

Two fucking yards. And couldn't do it

This proves it, football gods are against us. ND paid them off

HOLY INJURY SHIT BATMAN

What else can go wrong?

FUCK OFFSIDES AGAIN

FOUR FUCKING TIMES

Two guys there, no one near the best receiver in the Big-12. Let me repeat, no one near the best receiver in the Big-12. Fucking unreal.

This game. It’s over. Have fun at the Alamo or Holiday Bowl, Cats. What a fucking embarrassment to get pushed around by a one-trick pony.

I see we forgot how to tackle again...

I mean seriously, Baylor’s D getting how many turnovers? What a total EPIC fucking meltdown.

That was the GREATEST EXAMPLE OF COACHING FAIL TONIGHT

We are done. Klein’s shot at the Heisman, over. National championship hopes, shot to hell. BCS bowl chances, in serious jepordy

Un-fucking-believable

There are no easy Big-12 games, but this is a fucking embarrassment. No way to sugar coat it. A total team effort: players sucked, coaches sucked. Against a very, very underwhelming team.

Back to being an also-ran, a big joke never to be taken seriously by the bowls and the media, and under-sold at every turn. And guess what? You lose to Baylor this badly, you deserve what you get.

what a fucked up night.

We are the first BCS #1 to lose to an unranked team.

Glad to know the reasons to laugh at us continue unabated.

SOUTHERN CAL

GEE GUYS, LET'S MAKE SURE THAT NOBODY GUARDS THEIR #1 RECEIVING TARGET. All fucking year long...

lol fuck this, time to go to the bar. the holidays are gonna be fun this year (good portion of my family are Cal/UCLA alums).

Fuck this gay earth.

penalties...turnovers...and we were preseason #1?! WTF, GET IT TOGETHER KIFFINS!!!!

Right after that last touchdown I got a Groupon alert for a Gun class. What are you trying to tell me, life?

I think Monte Kiffin secretly died 2 years ago and we haven't had the heart to tell anyone about it.

Donde esta defense?

Can anyone check to see if USC has the record for most 3rd or 4th down plays where the Offense makes no attempt to throw the ball beyond the first down marker?

Man I really fucking hate Lane Kiffin.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK.

...and that's our season on the ground right there. I feel bad for the guy. Kiffin shit all over Barkley's "unfinished business"

did the commentators just call us zombies?

Pop Quiz Hotshots: You're playing against a red-shirt freshman quarterback in the biggest game of his career. You get the ball first on your own 25 yard line. What do you do? If you picked C) throw a first play garbage interception to give them incredible field position, then CONGRATULATIONS! You're a fucking idiot.

Deflate that football.

Can't spell suck without USC.

I swear this is subtle marketing for some Zombie game or something.

Will kiffin blame this loss on SC not being able to spear the field before the game? -__-

And finally, just some good general butthurt over the SEC and Alabama from Shaggy Bevo and Tiger Droppings.

Thanks oregon. U just handed bama their 235th claimed national title. FML im so disappointed in college football. Lets be real here........trust me i am officially a UGA fan for the remainder of the season.....but that means little....saban has already oredered his players rings" credit this to LandonE thank you and RTR!!

Fuck everything

Fuck it, bring on the Mayan apocalypse

That may not even be enough, blow up the fucking sun

Can we talk about how this means the B1G representative in the Rose Bowl is probably gonna play Oregon? That will not be good television.

Notre Dame has academic standards and they don't oversign

I’ll root for them against any SEC team or Florida State/Clemson (SEC wannabees) anyday. I get that most B1G fans hate Notre Dame, but this is a no-brainer. I’d root for Stalin over Saban.

Dear God, ESPN.
Shut the fuck up about Alabama. They lost last week and are playing Western fucking Carolina this weekend. No one gives a flying fuck about what they’re doing except the toothless ingrates of that state.

Fuck you Baylor. Fuck you K State

Fuck you Notre Dame.

Just because Illinois is awful shouldn’t mean I’m stuck with ND in the damn title game.

UGA might beat Alabama and make everything better.

Well, I tried but then I realized this was like adding more empty dreams on the fire.

I thought this would be the year That I finally see the teams I want (minus Illinois…no comment) in the title game. Given the fact that I root for Illinois I blame this whole fiasco on me.

Because if there's anyone that deserves a mulligan, it's the secsecsec.

I hate college football this year.

Fuck you and fuck the $EC

I'm pulling for the Mayans to end all this shit

Why is bama ahead of the other 1 loss teams anyway? It's horse$#@! that two years in a row that when you lose doesn't seem to matter for them.

Die, fuck the SEC

I hate ND, but I'm their biggest fan now. Fuck the $EC

is there not some shittyty ass bama or SEC SEC SEC board you can post this bullshit on? no one here gives a fuck that bama is gonna get yet another free pass.

I pray UGA rapes Bama into oblivion.

The Cardinal get it done.....Turrible season. I have to go beat my neighbor's wife....

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

Dear college football fans, $#@! you.
Johnny Manziel is going to win the Heisman. Notre Dame and Alabama are going to play for the national championship. And you're gonna like it.
Signed,
Baylor and Stanford

This year in football just $#@!ing sucks...

Yeah, not only with there possibly be an All SEC SEC SEC Championship game, again, Texas A&M will have a chance at it, or at least get the chance to claim to having beat Bama(Hello another Astrick on your Wall Kyle Field), while OU backdoors it's way to another Conference Championship...

All the while Texas will be playing great down the stretch, probably get another good Bowl Game Victory, thus ensuring another 5 year Mack Brown run.

$#@! sucking son of a $#@!wagon

I now regret pulling for Oregon to lose

The Bama smugness is back and so annoying that I almost wish Oregon has not lost even if it may or may not mean a worse bowl for LSU. I really hate the gump smugness.

I still can't understand why people were pulling for KState and Oregon to lose. We have the absolute toughest road to get in the game, and Bama has the easiest. I hate Bama and would never pull for a situation that hands them a gift route to the NC. Stupid.

FIFTEEN!!1!111!!! RAHHH TIIIIDEEE!!!11!11!!

I felt sick at my stomach after Oregon & K State lost knowing that the media and Bama fans would be unbearable again.

The Bama smugness never left how could you expect anything different. Despite them telling everyone how much class they have they are the most classless fanbase in the country.

We are talking about a fanbase who after a victory gets in a ghey little group and does a ghey little chant that ends with we just beat the hell out of you. Total lack of class.

Is their not any wonder that the tree poisoner and teabagger came from this fanbase? Not to mention Updyke being treated like royalty at the BCS NC game by the Gumps. Signing autographs, posing for pictures and low life Gumps pledging money for his legal defense!!!

Don't let the gumps get to you. Deep down they know UGA is going to arse roll them. They have a glaring weakness in the secondary that will be exploited. And even if they finish its just again a popularity contest with no real substance on the field. Any of the top 16 teams can beat each other which is why we need a deep playoff. Until then, it's the MNC.

Ok let's cheer for our SEC conference!! YAY

The worst thing about ND being #1 is now having to listen to Lou Holtz blabber and spit and cream his pants as long as they are #1

dear god please let Matt Barkley not suck for 1 game

I don't want to live on this planet anymore

USC gets its 4th loss of the season and Game Day is still going there. How fucking lame.

How many number 1 votes does Alabama get tomorrow?This week's shameful revel in the misery of others features Oregon, Kansas State, Southern Cal, and basically everyone who ever hated the SEC. Point and laugh!