With the 2012 NFL Draft done and in the books, there's not much left to sustain us for the rest of the off-season. Sure, the season preview magazines will be hitting the stands in a month or so but that'll only make things worse, really.
So we here at RBR have decided to produce that staple of the college football blog off-season -- the comparison post. You know the drill. Team X is like Thing Y. With "Thing Y" being some quasi-hip pop cultural icon. In the past we've seen squads likened to the Simpsons to Arrested Development to Star Wars ... pretty much everything had its turn. Already this year we've seen "metaphor posts" using current hotness Game of Thrones and Hunger Games.
So we figured we would compare SEC teams to... um, how about '80s heavy metal acts? Why hair metal? Well there's few things SEC fans take more seriously than their football and lord knows hair metal could never afford the luxury of irony. The hullabaloo of both tends to seem pretty ridiculous if you step back and take it at face value. The point here is don't.
To make this work, Todd and I realized would require some serious funny which we ourselves are pretty short on. So we persuaded Rick Muscles to lend a hand. While this was a collaborative effort we have to be totally honest -- if you find yourself chuckling at anything you see below then most likely Handsome Rick was the one who wrote it.
In order to make this experience as interactive as possible, each of the band photos below links to a video by the aforesaid artist. So if you want to subject yourself to the glory of the 80's finest follicle-fueled rock n roll, have at it.
The SEC West: Lipstick City Division
|Because somewhere in Fayetteville, in a deserted basement rec-room, Bobby Petrino sits in the dark listening to this over and over on his Sony Walkman:
I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted, dead or alive.
The SEC East: Sunset Strip Division
The SEC Newbies: Lame Latecomers Division
|Missouri enters the SEC with the kind of hurry up, shotgun based style offense that we've all seen before, but always done better and in games you might actually remember in a few years, just like these Canadian rockers are generic post grunge hard rock that sound like everyone else without being memorable in any way, shape, or form. Also, both frontmen have a thing for drunk driving.|