Why Tim Tebow Should Have Played for The Alabama Crimson Tide

So by now you've seen these ads for EA Sports NCAA Football 13 that highlight the new feature that allows you to take any former Heisman Trophy winner and put them on the roster of another team. The LSU entry for this campaign even suggested that Les Miles recognized that better quarterback play was the solution to how to handle Alabama's defense.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry.

(Not really)

Anyway, the EA Sports folks have been kind enough to sponsor a series of posts on SB Nation asking us to take this idea a bit further. They have asked us to ponder which Heisman Trophy winner from another school we most wish had played for us. And, after thinking it over a bit the answer seems pretty clear...

Tim Tebow.

(Really)

You already know the story. Tebow was considering committing to Alabama but the sweet siren song of Urban Meyer led the chosen one to Gainesville and the heavenly host descended upon the faithful or some such nonsense. But what if it didn't?

Over the past year or so it's become a sportswriter off-season staple to ponder what the ramifications would have been if Tebow instead chose to play for Alabama. No less than SB Nation's Bill Connelly and Sports Illustrated's Andy Staples have taken on the task. Not to mention some dudes named Stephen Spiewak, L.C. May and Aaron Torres have taken a stab at it.

Which is all very nice but, honestly, we don't really care. Instead of pondering a bazillion imponderables and pretending some gridiron Rube Goldberg machine would rend space time and destroy the BCS and discover the Higgs Boson particle... how about we just assume those things came to pass anyway. Mostly because, well, they did.

The more important question is what would Nick Saban do with Tim Tebow in the offense? Cynics say he'd waste the baby rhino's unique skill set. We disagree. The correct answer is "what God fully intended to be done" -- put that big boy at fullback.

"But Saban doesn't use a fullback," you say. "We didn't need a blocker for guys like Ingram and Richardson," you say. "Pshaw," I say. Just watch this...

Oh just look at that majesty. Now imagine that on every running play. Well, with about a hundred pounds less of bulk but still with potent amounts of awesome. Now add to that Tebow can probably catch better than a defensive lineman with his fingers taped together like a seal's flipper AND the fact he was proven pretty handy slinging the ball down the field when asked to do so. (Well, most of the time, anyway.)

Even better, can you imagine the kind of evil fullback/tight end permutations Jim McElwain would have dreamed up with that hulking beast in the backfield? If you thought John Parker Wilson and Greg McElroy racked up a ton of yards on high-percentage passes, you have no idea how high those percentages could get.

Then there's all the ancillary advantages which include:

• Tebow would have more time to ensure all Southeast Asian men are properly circumcised.
• Fewer health scares for Urban Meyer.
• Eyeblack everywhere would have remained scripture-free.
• Florida might actually have won a game against Auburn.
  

"I see your devious plan, kleph," you say. "By having him on the Alabama roster we don't face him in the 2008 SEC championship," you intone knowingly.

That's just the cream, baby. Remember, in the last four seasons this team has gone 48-6 while winning two national championships. When you reach the level the Alabama program has the air is pretty rarefied and the difference between incredibly good and absolutely perfect is razor thin. Adding one supah-dupah player wouldn't make a heck of a lot of difference.

The real upshot is that by putting the Tebow in the Alabama backfield he slides off the Heisman hype machine and none of us have to endure three seasons of Gary Danielson fellat... um, praising him excessively in every game. If we've learned anything over the past 77 years is that Alabama players are kryptonite to Heisman hype and that includes Mark Ingram. Moreover we probably save the world from this atrocity down the road.

But as has been said, every rose has its thorn. So what's the downside to his idyllic scenario? Well, we'd never get to enjoy this...

So maybe it all worked out for the best in the end anyway.