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Back by Popular Demand, It's Meltdown Time!

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Y'all wanted more Meltdown Time, so you've got it. Extra big thanks to our users Smashedants, Darth Saban, KBlair1701, The Good Doc, and @WoollyAl for their submissions. There were a ton of good e-mails but a lot of redundancy, so if you sent something in and didn't get thanked by name remind me next week (and thanks for submitting!).

This week we've got Arkansas and Auburn, who melted down like absolute champions, plus some good stuff from Wisconsin, Oklahoma State, and SEC newcomers Texas A&M. As always, do not continue on after the jump if you are in any way offended by cursing, sexual innuendo, or any other forms of vulgarity. Don't say you weren't warned.

@JohnL_Smith @jefflongUA I have an idea, why don't the two of you get on a motorcycle and go for a ride. I don't care where you go.

That's why you don't fire bobby Petrino and hire a 100 year old washed up POS coach @jefflongUA

SICK at what I witnessed last night. My boys were exposed to the cold, hard truth that we will not compete for anything major for quite some time. If we were ever going to do it, it was to be this year............what did we do? We $hit the bed.

Fire them all!!! This is bull!@##. The entire staff and AD. CITADEL!

Maybe we can get Alabama to let us use LR Central HS team to represent UA instead of these fellows next week

UNBELEIVABLE! FIRE JL GOOF BALL SMITH TOMORROW! THIS TEAM LOOKS LIKE FREAKING PANSIES OUT THERE! Coach Smith evidently spends MORE time trying to be CUTE and FUNNY than he does COACHING! We Finished the 2nd half like some PISS POOR No LIFE IN US division 2 college LEVEL! UNFREAKING BELEIVABLE!

When I think of a slow painful death- this game is what I imagine

I'll say it again...

So this is definitely the worst day in the history of life.

Music City Bowl? We have a wonderful memory of that. Memphis is at least a convenient drive.

I think we need to get out of the S E C because it is boldly evident that the administration is not interested in winning a NC

In a hindsight, should have hired Houston Nutt

True, he would have at least thrown someone under the bus for this loss

Sincw 1969 this has been a loser program... Half ----- football progrm..less a halllf track track proram,,,,,,and no BB progama......pathetric.

I think we can get back to the Nutt years within 4 years, maybe less.

I feel guilty that I take solace in the fact that JLS is bankrupt.

This is a bad Sunbelt team.

Bama will not have to punt once. Thank Jeff Long. This one is on YOU (and Dallas I know you think firing BP was right, it wasn't)

Go ahead John L......make a joke now! Laugh at something stupid you said now! Get embarrassed on tv, made the entire HOG nation disgusted , embarrassed......say something funny!

I'll say it again....We've been lit up on consecutive Saturdays by Jacksonville State and Louisiana Monroe

Atleast now it will not hurt so bad losing to Bama and everyone else for that matter

I'd be pissed if i was Jeff, getting blamed for all this crap and he didn't even get a peek at Jessica.

Dear, CBS: Please stay away from Fayetteville next weekend. We've endured enough national humiliation. I hear Auburn Alabama is nice this time of the year. There is no reason to show a slow motion train wreck to the rest of the country. We can't take anymore!!

(opens another beer)

Just heard from my brother that Bama doesn't plan to bring a punter to Fayetteville.

I love the new tackling technique. Grab em around the waist and twirl them around until they finally fall down 5 yards from where you grabbed them. Sweet.

I feel like the Mud Dogs after the Waterboy left..."oh no we suck again."

It's time to show whatever it is we're saving for Bama.

Our d hits like girls.

Our d hits?

Are you serious?? Terrible! We cant tackle shit!!! It's getting to be ridiculous. AND you know what, you can thank Mr. FUCKING INTEGRITY for that. Say what you want, I don't care. I'm die hard but you can expect a thorough ass whooping next week. Another one after thanksgiving.

AND John Fucking L Smith is smiling on the sideline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even the side line girl is ugly!

I believe this defense is called a "Tampon 2."

I think I'm gonna volunteer for some overtime at work next Saturday.

I wish I was a Penn State fan.

Seriously anybody that thinks paul petrino is ready to be a head coach in the SEC is on the bath salts.

I have an "injury above the shoulders" too, the memory of this game.

We can't even win the toss.

Conventional wisdom was that the Hogs would win at least 9-10 games this year. I guess it can be said that Coach John L. Smith defies conventional wisdom!

Bama tickets just became more available and cheaper, Thanks Jeff Long and John L. Smith!

If they ever do another Roger Rabbit movie, John L. Smith would be a natural. Half toon, half human.

We'll finally be the lead story on Sportscenter

Tonight was like getting punched in the face shortly before you go to the electric chair.

Our team stuck together and played as one. We didn't block, run, throw, or catch on the offensive side but we made up for that by not penetrating, tackling, or covering on the defensive side. A total team effort!

I sold my Alabama tickets for $400 each BEFORE the 1st game! Woo hoo!! Couldn't get face value today!! Play of the year!

I learned that you always bet against the spread on a team who's coach is filling bankruptcy.

Paul Petrino called plays like he was a 7 year old playing NCAA on Wii.

Maybe we didn't want to reveal our tackling skills before we played Bama.

That's how good bobby was. He could text women, smoke weed and get drunk on the sideline but he'd still win 90% of the time.

After next week's game Mr. Long should ask Saban who we should hire and hire him. I have a feeling Saban might be willing to be helpful for a minute. Out of sorrow.

Jessica Dorrell isn't the only thing Booby Petrino screwed

UL might have 4 guys on their roster that will play on Sundays. Bama will have that many on their punt cover team

ULM should not get too discouraged with just barely squeaking by Arkansas in OT. Everyone knows a team makes its most improvement from game one to game two. So, Arkansas had the advantage there. If ULM could have had a game under their belt they might have not needed OT to win...keep your head up should get better now with that first pesky game under your belt

I'll just say it's more fun being led by a sleezeball and win than this is.

John L is a joke, laughing on the sideline, I never saw anything funny unless it was our feeble atempt to tackle. We need to drop out of the SEC, fire most of the coaches and recruit from the flag football intramural teams

4th and fuckin 11!!!!? Are you kidding me!!!!!?

Congratulations Auburn you have just switched places with Vanderbilt.

Are you kidding me Frazier? That was straight to him! I think Kiehl got payed the $180,000 to throw this game

Who was the rocket scientist on the board who called ESPN a bunch of 'morons' for predicting we would go 6-6?

We play like Poo-ceee's and we all know those things have a big gap in em. You know, just like our defense.

I think Auburn has officially quit. Sad day for Auburn football. Wow.

We tackle like a gay crackhead

Lack of discipline, lack of fundamentals, lack of sound game plan = Lack of COACHING. We're in's worse than I could imagine

My 4-5 year old team scored 41 today. Where do I send my application for Offensive Cordinator?

FIRE CHIZIK. That will remain my position and I'm not being one-game reactionary. He has sucked for 3/4 of his time at Auburn. Without the phenom Cam Newton we'd have seen more of this cr@p. Chizik sucks as a coach.

Pay them the buy out ASAP, let them sleep through what's left of the season and get somebody in there that will atleast pretend to coach.

Great from now on we will be hearing "miss st has not beat a west team but ole miss and Auburn"

Cam Newton has set AU football back 10 years because Chizik will get a lot of time because of the NC.

I think I now know why Gus took a paycut to get the heck out of dodge!

He throws the interceptions with such confidence.

Mullen is taking their foot off the accelator. Wrap your brain around that phrase. I need a damn drink.

Newton is gone! Get the FUCK over it! Frazier is not going to be Newton, not even close!

Frazier SUCKS! How was he even allowed to walk on for the scout team?

There ya go, cuss'em out! Tell'em 'Throw the ball to the right frikkin' receiver! We are wearing white! And we NEVER wear red!

The only sure win left on the schedule the remainder of the season is Alabama A&M and possibly New Mexico State.

Is R. Foster stuck with us...? Since he has the tattoo?

We're a 3-9 team. Our talent is overrated. Our coaches are awful. We cannot develop players and we're playing the price for it on the field. MSU isn't very good and they're clearly a much better, much more physical, much more game-fast team than Auburn. Welcome to the new Auburn football.

Hire Petrino There.. I said it.. Need another beer.. Gah

I'll even throw in free motorcycle lessons and a season pass to any strip club of his choice.

If we fired Chizik tomorrow, itd still take us 5-6 years to fix the damage. We're going to be irrelevant at least until 2020.

Thank you Cam! I scoffed when the bammer fans said Cam was the only reason we won the BCS championship. They were right.

The seat should have been hot after last season. No way in hell we should have slipped that far back. We have zero reserves in the bag. Our entire BCS title run hinged on two players.

Petrino is available

I know I "work" here, But I don’t know our f-word policy. I’d love to abuse it now.

-45.3 That’s Kiehl’s QB rating right now. And yes, that’s a negative in front of that number.

At least we had cowbell speakers at practice. Apparently not much practice though

What did we do at halftime? Play duck duck goose in the locker room?

This game made me throw up in my mouth, then I swallowed it back down, only to shit it out later and it still looked better than our offense….

If Roll Bama Roll doesn’t include me in the meltdown, I’m #pissed. S

Our DBs have the precision of the USAF Thunderbirds as all of them surround the receiver and still maintain the 5-10 yard cushion as he hauls in the ball.

I'm just glad our trees are not alive to see this.

Our answer to Nick Saban was hiring Gene Chizik? That's like combating China's economic prowess with a lemonade stand.

This team is last year's team except instead of White Cam and Jew Cam, we have Herp Derp Cam.

Kiehl Frazier is worse than Kodi Burns. He's worse than Chris Todd. He's worse than Clint Moseley. At least with Moseley, he'd fall down fast enough to keep the clock moving. The game would at least end quickly. Frazier prances around like a retard and throws it directly to the other team.

Jake Holland sucks. He is literally the worst SEC player I've ever seen. I would take Kiehl Frazier starting for four more fudgeing years if it meant finding a legit SEC middle linebacker. He may not have had the spotlight on him, but the guy is awful. He's the Frazier of the defense. Maybe his hair will choke him in the middle of the night.

I so looked forward to football getting here, and now I wish it was over with. I'm depressed. I don't want to be, but I am.

Name 6 wins. I can't see them. How on earth can this team remotely come close to that with this play?

We should take a knee on 1st and 2nd down and then surprise MSU with a punt on 3rd down. They'd never see it coming.

Can we bring Coach Dye back?

Frazier going for the hat trick: 3 interceptions, check. 1 fumble, check. Safety?

Without Cam, Chizick is Doug Barfield in a barbers smock.

We make every team look like a top 10 team

Ahhhhh, at least we've balanced the horribleness of our offense with the horribleness of our defense.

We're young for the 18th year in a row.

Where have you gone Barrett Trotter?

I'm sorry, are we trying to tackle these guys, or high-five them as they go by??

I bet the dude that was yelling 5-19 is laughing right now.

We need to put the 2nd team coaches in.

Maybe Chizik needs to get on the phone and see if Zeke sobered up.

What's the buyout on Loffler (sp?)? Offense looked like cock sauce on popcorn

I am bummed that we suck.

Sometimes it's a good move to punt on 2nd down. This is one of those times.

Well, if oregon state goes undefeated this season it was a pretty impressive performance the Badgers.

I think I might fire up the 'ole DVR and watch last year's game against the Beavs instead of the second half. I forgot what an offense looks like.




I'm too drunk to weep.

The positive? Wisconsin gets the ball back. Negative? Their offense has to take the field.

These guys have been butt fucking us all day. As much as we have been hurting ourselves, these refs have been butt fucking us all game.

Don’t get me wrong, they totally deserved to lose this game. But they deserved to lose on their own fucking merits, not on an official’s miscall.


Fuck the refs and the douchebags in the studio who agreed with them. I’m thinking an 8-4 regular season record would be pretty good at this point.

Someone tell me OSU is better than I think they are.

I mean if Oregon State is dominating the Badger offensive line just imagine what Michigan State will do to it.

Well fuck how is this not a complete blow out yet?

Hmm, my trip to Lincoln in a couple weeks may not be as enjoyable as I had originally hoped...


I wonder if Montee Ball is starting to regret coming back to Wisconsin for his last year

i have five minutes of this game i want to punch the tv

This may be the season where we see another 6 coaches go. By termination

hopefully one of them is Bielema


I miss the days when we didn't play AQ-conference opponents on the road?

I miss the days when we were grateful for seasons with 2+ wins

Guess I'm going to have Saturday afternoons free this fall.

I saw better play this morning at Pee-Wee football

Beer run I thought I bought enough to last for the game but now I need to drink enough to forget.

I kind of want this thunderstorm to knock out my power.

The only thing that saves this game is a time machine that gets me another bottle of gin.

Oh my god. What the fuck? Are we terrible?

I'm Heading for the Porcelain Throne to take a huge dump, in honor of that first half of football by the Badgers.

Say a little prayer while you are on there padre. lord knows the boys need it

you might need a two flusher to get rid of that half.

I'm not sure you could lay a turd big enough to compare with our offensive performance. Bite your lip and give it hell!

I need a fucking beer bong.

I would love to see a UW-USC Rose Bowl.... just out of morbid curiosity. Biggest spread ever?

To the woman who threw up all over the place in Section B, approximately row 59, that was disgusting. Try not to drink so much next time.

I've just pissed my pants, and no one can do anything about it.

Bedwetting is not as cool as you think it is in the moment. This thread is about as dumb as it gets. Throw a little racism in here and you'll have reached the absolute bottom.

Hoping to get Mini to bed so I can plow the Mrs. to get my mind of the Beaver debockable.

Drunk Drunk Drunk.....finishing the night with a Bitter Woman

Fumbling with dicks...

Exploding rods? Did I click into the 50 shades of gay forum?

"We got a lot of heart" - and you've been blowin' the refs during pregame.

Luckily there were bigger upsets so we might not get the coverage

Bend dont break, then break the fuck wide open, then break again and again...then bend when offense is struggling

i don't trust a man who loses to sacramento state

god shit jews the fucking penalties

Whoevers writing the post game review i hope you take a shit on all our coaches Offense, Defense and Special teams.

oh, and fuck gundy, fuck young, fuck monken, fuck spencer fuck wickline, fuck deforest (and he’s not even here) fuck me, fuck you, fuck my cat, fuck jackson, fuck barnett, fuck fuck shit fuck

I would like to see that Tevis guy get a dick in his ear

It's like reverse rape.

Defense might be the worst ever in modern era. Cancel bowl plans we are that bad

I just threw up

is it just me or are alot of these flags coming in weeeeeeell after the play is over

almost like they forgot it was their turn to throw one

I have seen better defense played at a peewee football game.

Makes me miss last year bad. Damn that ISU game to hell.

Is it basketball season yet?

my penis is going to hate me tonight

So THAT'S why Cox wouldn't air the game in Oklahoma.

Defense played great --- only 60 points.

I must have done something horrible in a former life. Why can't I quit you, OSU?

A fat girl followed me home from the tumbleweed one night and she was better than this defense

Don't forget we set some records. Heck, can anyone remember an OSU player getting two personal foul calls on ONE PLAY? That's phenomenal! Way to go Calvin!

And somewhere out there, Kirk Herbstreit has a smug, little smile curling up on his face.

Well at least only the dish network subscribers had to see this one.

And to think we were pissed this game wasnt going to be on tv. Too bad it was.

I wish I could make a phone call back in time and warn myself 4hours ago to go to bed after the first two TDs.

We're still averaging 61 points per game!

Toledo would have routed us too, if we played them.

After looking at the latest poll, let's just give Alabama the title and cancel the rest of the season.

Can we play SSU again next week?

Why do bad field goal kickers turn into all stars against us?

I don't want to watch this anymore, but I will. Hideous football, coaches and players should be embarrassed.

I have decided to take a shot for each penalty from here on

i will take toledo's defense please

"Best defense of the Mike Gundy era."

Our WRs couldn't catch a cold if they tried...

This sucks more than anything that has sucked before

This is what happens when we play a high school team in the first game.

This is simply what happens when you give a bad team a ton of confidence. WE convinced them they should win this game. So here we are.

The thing that tells me we are probably done is our answer from half time was to let them drive it down our throat....Just terrible

Replace Barnett with Matt Damon.

More like crack spoon hands

I feel sorry for Blake Jackson's future wife

Blake Jackson sponsored by Crisco, Teflon, and KY.

Yeah. We should give the guy a break. But of course he's not going to catch it.

Every time we get a flag, a fairy loses its wings.

I still think we can beat Kansas.

Every time the defense makes a play I expect someone on the other side of the field poked a cheerleader in the eye.

Rich rod is back. Gundy took one in the mouth tonight.

Pretty sad when the best plan on defense is wait for Lunt to throw a strike and our WRs literally bump the ball right into the hands of the defenders. Neat.


They're even trying to run the clock out and we can't even stop that! lol getting bad

At least we didn't get beat by Louisiana-Monroe

In hindsight I think we have to question playing a Junior High team in Game 1.

OSU now over 600 yards of total offense....and losing by 3 scores. Not sure I've ever seen that. Maybe with Baylor against us, but not 600 yards.

Worst part is we lost to rich rod.

Zomg, Herp Perpstreit was right!

The "catch the ball while sprinting towards our own goalline" passing offense seems like it needs a little work.

Christ what a continuous kick in the balls being an A&M fan is.

Bad news is this is probably going to be our best chance to win an SEC game.

Heading to gym. Gonna do something productive today. 3 decades, and with a brief moment in the sun, its the same old story for A&M

My Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin Ale is starting to curdle in my gut.


Player of the game: whoever our punter is.

I am so sick of this useless fucking team. How bout you respond to adversity in some fashion other than "Piss your pants and cry like babies" like, one time for me?

Fuck we are still going to be the team that can't finish. Carve my eyes out with a spoon please!

fuq a duq

Don't know why I even bother. Glad I don't donate anymore. Seems it does no good.

Sumlin needs to go back to Houston. Our d coordinator I'd a fucking retard.

We hired a coaching staff from Conference USA who likes to run high school offenses.

That's what you get with cougar high coaching staff. Good job Wilson, you fucking jackass.

We brought in Fran, the hottest commodity out there...didn't work. We brought in an old veteran with NFL experience...didn't work. We hired a young up and comer with an innovative scheme and flashy personality...and we're still sitting here wondering what the fuck happened. Time to open your eyes boys, this is who we are.