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Kentucky TRUNKATION: Bourbon, Bluegrass or Bald-faced Bull?

The barest of essentials of what you will need to know to properly understand the strange brand of ball played by the only mid-major program in the SEC. (Hint: Field Goals are three points, but only from more than seven yards out!)

By Ricky Muncie
Those crafty Wildcats are banking on our inability to differentiate between gang signs and shadow puppets. Best case is they hit a few threes on Saturday,
Those crafty Wildcats are banking on our inability to differentiate between gang signs and shadow puppets. Best case is they hit a few threes on Saturday,
USA TODAY Sports
From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Kentucky TRUNKATION

Hey Ricky.

We aren't sure about the best way to tell you this, but we can't use your TRUNKATION for Kentucky week. While your schematic breakdown of the Wildcats was thorough, exhaustive and psychotic (and is entirely within the scope of what we ought to expect from you at this point,) this is football season.

Do you have a football article for us?

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Re: Kentucky TRUNKATION

I'm not sure what you mean.

I have it on good authority that Coach Mike Stoops has been sandbagging, and plans to ambush us with some key formations and tactics that they haven't shown anyone. My sources in Lexingville tell me the Blue Men are going to unveil the HU4C.

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From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: Kentucky TRUNKATION

Ricky, have you even bothered doing any research on this game?

Their coach is MARK Stoops, and they play in Lexington. And what in the hell is HU4C?

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Kentucky TRUNKATION

Mike/Mark, Mark/Mike. Potato/Tomato. Let's call the whole thing off.

HU4C is an acronym for Hurry Up Four Corners, the latest evolution in tempo attacks that stretches the defense vertically, horizontally, and chronologically. Imagine the confusion of having to cover the field sideline to sideline, goalpost to goalpost, and now at both ends of the playclock. It's brilliant, and leaves defenders gasping for air as they line up against plays that won't snap for 20 more seconds, and finished 15 seconds ago.
Is this what we want football to have become?

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From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Kentucky TRUNKATION

Ricky, you're insane.

Look, we need an article with some serious football insight from you. You promised to "boil things down to the essentials" for the casual fan. And granted, the casual SEC fan knows next to nothing about Kentucky other than that they have a lot of climbing to reach the conference cellar.

Here's what we want you to include:
  • A characterization of Kentucky's style of play under Stoops, as an offshoot of the Air Raid school of spread. How it's got more in common with the Hal Mumme days than, say, a Malzahn spread or the Oregon/West Virginia/Baylor varieties. An attack that isn't run-first by design, yet has been running more often than passing.
  • Be sure to mention that there are rumblings that Kentucky might be changing quarterbacks, and we could end up seeing a lot of read-option running plays, being executed by players who generally don't have the bulk to stretch the line, the speed to turn the corners, or the power to gash the gut.
  • Talk about how their defensive stats are somewhat misleading, and how having the SEC's third-best pass defense isn't much of an indicator when their rush defense is so poor. (Either teams are electing to run because they can do so at will, or Kentucky is always hopelessly behind and opponents are running out the clock.)
  • Mention that while they appeared to have played a Jadaveon-free Gamecock team closely, they are still last in scoring and first downs and time of possession, and next-to-last in rushing and total offense.
  • Remind everyone that while there was a past identity of at least owning plucky playmakers' that there is no Randall Cobb or Derrick Locke on this team, and this squad is almost last in the conference in explosive plays.
  • Get in some information about their very soft and inexperienced front seven on defense, and how this could be a chance for our offensive line to work on getting rhythm as a unit.
  • Say something positive, like how Kentucky doesn't get a lot of scoring opportunities, but convert on nearly 80-percent of the ones they do get.
Can you handle that?

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Boom.

Done.

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