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Iron Bowl | HATE WEEK STARTS NOW

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You guys remember when Bammer talked about how much he hates Tennessee? Pretty much all of my hate belongs to Auburn.

Their fans had all but disappeared in Mobile for the last two years. Now, in the throes of a successful season, they're everywhere I go. Orange flags. Orange car stickers. Orange on sweatshirts. It's enough to drive a man mad.

This year, little brother has garnered even more of my hate thanks to the return of Gus Malzahn. Malzahn is to blame for Auburn's run in 2010. He inflated their heads to previously unseen levels, and this year, against all odds, he has found a way to take a team from 3-9 to 10-1, meaning those heads are as big as ever right now. He'll win coach of the year, no matter what happens Saturday. Would that not be an absurdity? If Nick Saban were to win three national championships in a row, and people were to decide that the "Coach of the Year" instead resides in Auburn?

I hate Auburn. I hate that they put a damper on my trip to South Carolina. I hate that I had to sit around 80k fans chanting "War Eagle" after Auburn managed the flukiest of flukes in the history of flukey fluke wins against Georgia.

I hate that they have seventeen mascots and chants.

I hate that their fans always talk about how "football isn't that important" to them in years that they suck, and become rabid followers in years they're having success.

I hate that they are the conspiracy theory-ist fan base on the planet.

I hate that they are forever pining for the NCAA to take down Bama to their level, rather than striving to rise to Bama's level.

I hate that they are still whining about dead trees that they only liked because they were a receptacle for rolls of other dead trees.

Feeling the burn yet? See if this stokes your coals.

UGH. Worst game ever. I hear what you're thinking, though. "Come on, that was just one game. No need for it to drive you to hate." Okay. How about them singing Rammer Jammer afterwards... in our stadium?

You done messed up now. This Saturday. We will break you.