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TRUNKATION: Geauxing Neauxbly to the Unkneauxable Future

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LSU Coach Les Miles has some important things to say after the 2013 tilt with Alabama.

A sneak peek at what will be churning and burning under that hat Saturday night.
A sneak peek at what will be churning and burning under that hat Saturday night.
Kevin C. Cox

From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: LSU week TRUNKATION

Hey Ricky.

Seriously. You need to be better about hitting your deadlines. We didn't hear from you at all last week.

Give us a shout if we can help.

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Re: LSU week TRUNKATION

WHOA!

So this is what it is like. Things seem so slow here. I mean now.

Sorry about that. Took me a while to get out of Knoxville, then I figured you'd just re-run my Bye-week TRUNKATION, since we faced the same nobodies.

Anyway, I knew that I'd be back in time for this. That's the way time travel works, right?

All the best,
Ricky

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From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: LSU week TRUNKATION

What is this time travel crap?

Last we heard from you, you were trying to scam tickets to the Friday night showing of Ender's Game from Rick Muscles. For all we know, you went, and dropped peyote into the Raisinettes again.

We need something for the LSU game, and we need you to pick up your game, if you know what we mean. We just nailed down our #6 ranking for SB Nation college blogs, and with the magnitude of the matchups this week we can't afford to turn away trolling traffic from ATVS.

So what are you proposing this week?

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Re: Re: Re: LSU week TRUNKATION

This week is already done, my friends!

And no, I did not get to see Ender's, nor have I been anywhere near illicit drugs (okay, "near" is a valid word, as my escape from law enforcement in Knoxville did take me through what could only be Walter White's retirement grotto.) Anyway, one of the side effects of time travel is that you do indeed smell like meth.

But hey, this week is finished!

I just need to finish transcribing the post-game press conference, and we're good to go.

All the best,
Ricky

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From: RBR HQ
To: Ricky Muncie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: LSU week TRUNKATION

Post-game presser?

As always, Roll Tide!

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From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Melding of minds

Yes. One of the advantages of time travel is that you get access to some pretty cool technology. In this case, I got to read the mind of Les Miles, just moments before he took the mic after Saturday's game.

All the best,
Ricky

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Transcript from Les Miles

Thanks.

This was a difficult struggle today, one that makes for what we would hope to be the foundation for a group of fine, strapping young men. I can't say that what you saw out there today was a surprise. You dig in and you work hard all week, trying to instill a sense of purpose and urgency, but at the end of the day, and of every practice session you must proceed with the hope that those lessons will permeate their essence, their muscles, and those little twitch fibers that make these little jitterbugs squirt all over the field.

When you see these young men puffing their chests out, and then sucking them back in, before you pass judgment on their celebrations or their tragic demise -- I ask you to first consider that they may simply be breathing. An act of respiration.

It's obvious today that we had an objective, and if we did not meet it then certainly I would be asking about that.

There are a number of moments you could turn to in this game, where if you spin them around and the shoe is off the other foot and onto this one, that there would be another locker room feeling the turf toes, and we are mindful of the fact that it could be just as easily them or us.

All of the coaches today deserve credit, and blame. You turn 11 people loose on the field, and 12 when you can get away with it, and sometimes they don't bring forth the little things that can curl a coach's lip. You can curl that lip up, or you can curl it down. My lips now have muscles from all the curls.

Games are won and lost with attention to details. You start to see false starts everywhere. Like in the mens' room down the hall from my office, where the third stall from the left has a confused flush sensor. Lean up for paper, and that thing goes off. You work through it though. You just gotta take a few squares of paper, and lean it over that sensor so it doesn't see movement anymore. Oh, they got rid of the handle, but now you have a disposable one, because that's just the kind of thinking that makes penalties obsolescent.

Special teams was a factor today, no doubt. You do your best to predict the predictable, but sometimes the other guy sees things you don't see to predict. Like when you go to wash your hands, and the first soap dispenser still doesn't work after three months, that little red light blinking to let you know that the battery needs changing. Or replacing. You just walk right past it, until one day you realize that it's not blinking anymore, and you wonder how long ago the custodial staff fixed that. This is the awareness of awareness that we need as an awakening to our potentials.

This game will go down as one of those games that had 60 minutes of football in it, give or take 20. And there is still football to be played in weeks to come, three or four quarters at a time. For that, I will firmly feel my gratitude, and shake the hand of every young man who prvileges me with the walking through the doorway at our football complex.

As long as he washes his hands.

From: Ricky Muncie
To: RBR HQ
Subject: Fw: Melding of minds

Sorry. That's all I got before the batteries died. But I hope that's enough.

All the best,
Ricky

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