Under threat of being turned into sushi, Rocko the German predicting octopus is on vacation this week. The back-up plan is to have a guest picker to dart throw in his stead. However, Aubie the tiger mascot is in mourning for the death of the oak trees in Toomer's Corner. For a memorial, he is busy making thousands of flyers to nail up on trees & telephone poles around town. He is getting a special design made up on paper plates and napkins for the event that will include a paper airplane contest, toilet paper sculpture competition, and a bonfire. Next, we attempted to get the eagle to step in (I think his name is "Ted" or "Kevin"), but he is in therapy for Stockholm Syndrome. So instead, we are going with some Auburn experts to help us make our picks.
The second in a series leading up to fall camps brings us to the former college of Taylor Hicks before he dropped out (that's what it's know for, right?).
Oh, the poor trees. I need a tissue.
3-9 (0-8) in 2012
Synopsis: The college football world righted itself in 2012. Two years removed from a unlikely national championship, disaster ascended on the plains in the form of a winless conference season. Gene Chizik is out and the 2010 Tigers' offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn is back - this time as the new head coach. There is hope in Auburn again. Is it justified? Malzahn was the brainchild behind the 2010 offense but there is no Cam Newton on this squad. Does defensive coordinator Ellis Johnson (age 61) still have any gas left in his tank after his Southern Miss face plant?
Key Losses: DE Corey Lemonier, TE Philip Lutzenkirchen, RB Onterio McCalebb, WR Emory Blake, LB Daren Bates, the trees (sniff)
Key Returners: QB Kiehl Frazier, DE Dee Ford, RB Tre Mason, FB Jay Prosch, PK Cody Parkey
Newcomers: Head coach Gus Malzahn, Kristi Malzahn, DT Montravius Adams, DE Carl Lawson
8/31/13 vs. Washington State (Auburn, AL) - The Cougars (3-9 in 2012) are awful. How awful? They were Colorado's one saving grace in 2012. The Buffs (1-11) beat Wazzu in Pullman 35-34 at their homecoming - Win
9/7/13 vs. Arkansas State (Auburn, AL) - Gus has a pretty good scouting report on the Red Wolves - Win
9/14/13 vs. Mississippi State (Auburn, AL) - another toss-up. Tie goes to the home team - Win
9/21/13 at LSU (Baton Rouge, LA) - Loss
10/5/13 vs. Ole Miss (Auburn, AL) - This will be a toss-up too but our guest pickers like the Fighting Nkemdiches - Loss
10/12/13 vs. Western Carolina (HC) (Auburn, AL) - Win
10/19/13 at Texas A&M (College Station, TX) - Loss
10/26/13 vs. Florida Atlantic (Auburn, AL) - Win
11/2/13 at Arkansas (Fayetteville, Ark) - Rocko picked this one - Loss
11/9/13 at Tennessee (Knoxville, TN) - Malzahn is good for one road W - Win
11/16/13 vs. Georgia (Auburn, AL) - Loss
11/30/13 vs. Alabama (Auburn, AL) - Loss
Let's go Bowling? Love him or hate him, Malzahn seems to have a Midas touch. Add 4 cupcake victories with wins over Tennessee or Ark and one of the Mississippis and they squeak in.
(Warning: the contents herewith do not reflect the thoughts of the rest of the RBR staff. All results are based on absolutely nothing. XOXO)