Completely speculative guesses on games occurring weeks and months into the future. As always, subject to scorn, ridicule, mockery until such time as I revise and/or issue a mea culpa:
Sakerlina @ UGA -5 (9/7/13)
In a series that has been, for as long as I can recall, usually very close, wild and pretty chippy, I hate Georgia laying 5 this early with a rebuilt defense, even with the second best offense in the SEC (ahem, Roll Tide). Sakerlina is going to be a quiet defensive killing machine this year, but may not have the horses on offense to win this one S/U. That said, USCe is not going to lose by two FGs either.
Rambo, and we don’t mean Bacarri, loves this one
Joaquin Phoenix either hates this pick or is aping ‘Canes fans on their bath salt binge.
Unless #ButchPlease plays to lose close a la Lane Kiffin, expect some of the worst, one-sided football the rivalry has ever seen. Since 2007, save the aberration in 2009, these games have not been remotely competitive. It’s like asking the now-departed Zelda Rubenstein to fist-fight The Rock, except that Dwayne Johnson has mercy where Nick Saban has none. Take
At least Zelda Rubinstein was scary in Poltergeist…
This is the SEC’s Chinnamasta: An erotic, esoteric violence that you cannot turn away from. Is it the fountains of blood eagerly lapped up by we, her handmaids; or is it the rivers of gore that fall on us, as the copulating couple? Whatever it is, it makes us tingly in our britches, and is Exhibit A for the virtues of MANBALL. With that in mind, the only time LSU will lose to
Sakerlina -3.5 v
Last year’s most baffling result occurred as these two seemingly even-matched, top 10 teams met in The Swamp.
Like Ewe Boll’s BloodRayne series, the antithesis of Alabama-LSU, this game will be violence for violence’s sake, but without the redemptive beauty of my Norwegian loin-muse, Natassia Malthe #TeamNorge
By proof we feel / Our power sufficient to disturb his Heav'n, / And with perpetual inrodes to alarm, / Though inaccessible, his fatal Throne: /Which if not Victory is yet Revenge. –
Ah, Nick Satan memes. They must not know that Lucifer means Light Bearer, and there is some truth to that as the blinding light from these crystal footballs can attest.
For four quarters, minus one play, the Georgia Bulldogs were the best team in the country (or would have at least won the SECCG and visited grievous harm upon Notre Dame, but tomato/tomahto).
LSU @ UGA -4.5 (9/28/13)
Someone want to explain why a team that won 11 games last year is suddenly chopped liver? It’s not like the losses (which are substantial) are any worse than
Les Miles, as the grinning avatar of a fire giant who sired a world-devouring serpent, a god-devouring wolf and the mistress of Hel…or , Les Miles really just enjoying some TGI Fridays. No one knows.
Next time, we’ll look at the National Games of the Year.