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NSFW: It's Meltdown Time! Week Six

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This week's edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others... and ourselves?

What a weird football weekend...
What a weird football weekend...
Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Well, well, well. After an admittedly slow and subpar week for meltdowns, the college football world was turned on its ear this week as several highly ranked teams complete with ridiculous fanbase expectations went down in flames, leaving both Mississippi schools in the top 5 while Arizona and TCU round out the top ten. There were many worthy meltdown contenders this week, but we decided on the most highly ranked to lose: Oregon, Oklahoma, Texas A&M, and, of course, Alabama. As always, the language below is not suitable for work or anyone who is easily offended. If things like swearing, insensitivity, homophobia, et al affect you too much I recommend that you point your browser elsewhere. You have been warned.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE THIS IS VOMIT-INDUCING. WHERE IS THE OREGON OF YESTERYEAR? WHO ARE THESE IMPOSTORS, THESE HORROR-FILLED PRETENDERS??????

Who is our open-field tackling coach?

I MISS HAVING A TEAM OF 3 STAR PLAYERS AND INNOVATIVE SYSTEM

Fucking hell Marcus RUN THE GD BALL SOMETIME

Even Colorado would give us a run for our money at this point

DUDE NAMED STANFORD CANNOT RUN FAST ENOUGH TO GET INTO ENDZONE. DUDE NAMED WASHINGTON PULLS BONEHEAD MOVE, GETS PENALTY, GIVES ZONA NEW LIFE. WE SHOUD HAVE KNOWN. WE. SHOULD. HAVE. KNOWN.

that's it. fuck it. fuck everything. fuck it all.

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK DAMN DAMN DAMN SHIT GODDAMN FUCK IT ALL DAMN YOU, INJURIES, OLINE, COACHING, FATE. GODDAMN YOU, HOPE. GODDAMN YOU, EVERYTHING FUN AND PLEASURABLE IN THE UNIVERSE. GODDAMN EVERYTHING. GODDAMN YOU, FOOTBALL GODS.

The End of and Era. Adjust your expectations accordingly...

GOODBYE, CONFERENCE DOMINATION
GOODBYE, WASHINGTON STREAK OF 10
GOODBYE, * STREAK OF EVERY OTHER PAC 12 FOE
GOODBYE, BOWL GAME
GOODBYE, HEISMAN HOPES
HELLO, ZONE STREAK OF 2 WINS
HELLO, DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND

Between our offensive line, Jesse Palmer and this fucking Nissan commercial returning, I might be on the news tomorrow morning.

"He plays behind one of the worst offensive lines in college football."
Well fuck you too, Palmer.

Now will everyone who isn't in the coolest time-zone please go to sleep so we can circlejerk each other's persecution complexes in peace?

Michael J. Fox could draw up a better game plan with an etch-a-sketch.

I hope Helfrich is gone next year, he has no control over this team.

"OREGON IS DOWN 10 HAHAHAHAHAHA TWIST MY NIPPLES" -Espn commentators.

That fucker could have just changed the season with that bow.
Awful rule, awful refs, incredibly stupid player.
I would be tempted to kick him off the team.

Fuck this offensive line, fuck this defense, fuck these refs. Fuck, Oregon. Why the fuck did u let this happen to you?? Fuck.

My heart feels like a black hole filled with hellfire

I hate everything and football is stupid.

Well, fuck everything ever.

The girl I love doesn't love me.
School is back and doing that on top of a full time job.
I don't get off work till 7am.
The team I love obviously doesn't love me. Remember that winning drive, how we had them at 3rd and 20, then they got touchdown out of it. And no not just a big play, but multiple plays, then were held again to a 4th and 2 and were going to kick, so we RAN TO THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING FIELD 30 FUCKING YARDS AWAY AND BOWED, FUCKING GOD DAMN BOWED. But I digress.
Arizona, go fuck yourself, you were amazing, that D was incredible, holy shit your running backs and oline, but still, go fuck yourself.
Oregon, mature the fuck up. Over all that wasn't even fun to watch. The National Championship is one of my favorite games to rewatch cause it was an amazing fucking game, you had NONE of that tonight. How the fuck is this the Oregon team (mainly the defense) that beat Stanford?
I'm going to try to sleep and hope I don't have to work, then when I get off I'm going tebowing (lift weights and cry about nothing loving me)

Well fuckity fuck fuck.
Pardon me while I go drown my sorrows.


We are all tired of OU blowing it every fucking year. It's one of the few things we can all count on. Bills, taxes and OU pissing away another National title season. Year after year, after year, after year, after year, after year..
Same story next season too. We all know it's coming.
Sadly, It'll be awhile until we see #8. Sooner Magic is a fairy tale.
We are the Chicago Cubs of College Football.
Yes I'm drunk.

I hate the truth. And facts. Fuck them too.

If we win the title this year I'll let FUJH piss donut juice all over me.
Unfortunately I don't have anything to worry about.

What the fuck are you talking about? Do you think you can lose to TC fucking U and still try to get into the "playoff"? Shut the fucking front door. That dream has passed. Here's a thought...when you need 2 fucking yards, try not to line up in the fucking pistol with no lead blockers. FUCK!

We're not in the SEC asshole. The morons on this board think it's just fine that our conference sucks shit. Quote " All we have to do is win out and we're in. Well assholes, we won't win them all and we play in a shitty conference. We're now on the level with the B10.

Parity has ruined college football. And great fucking choice by adding TCU to the conference. They don't add any money and end up fucking shit up. Boykin is a cock sucker fluke mother fucker cat mother fucker cow mother fucker hamster mother fucker.

I picked the wrong time to quit drugs and drinking and bungee jumping without a bungee.

This 4th qtr not only determines our playoff chances but also our chances at showing up on RollBamaRoll this week

Josh you stupid fucker!

Trevor knight you fucking suck

#FUKP (Katy Perry)

OMG. Somebody punch FUJH in the Fucking face.

Heupel must be in his sugar coma-get him a donut stat

Purple lizard pussy cocksuckers. Smh.

This is the biggest choke season in the Bob Stoops era. NO FUCKING EXCUSE FOR THIS SHIT. The schedule was perfect and they are going to FUCK it all up.

OU is playing like far less attractive Rob Lowe.

And I also want to say FUCK YOU, DAVID BOREN, YOU FAT PUSSY FUCK for now letting Shannon play.

I'm out. I just can't take this any more. I cannot begin to tell you how fucking disgusted I am with this asinine play calling. FUJH shouldn't be coaching a goddamn high school team.

Don't think Night needs to call Katy. Don't think he could land anything near the pussy.

Hell has frozen over given that Baylor or TCU is going to win the mother fucking conference title. I really wish these posts would come back to fucking haunt me where Oklahoma ends up winning this game, but you always know when Oklahoma is going to win and when Oklahoma is going to lose. They're going to lose this game and there is no way I can even fucking jinx that shit from happening. This shit is going to be on the meltdown board. FUCK!

Trevor is bending us over and fucking us right now

Did I say yet that I hope FUJH gets Ebola.

My dog is about to take a beating

Heupel is a mental midget and Stoops is an enabler.

Fuck you, Boykin. Make my mother fucking burger plain and dry with fries and I want a large orange soda with NO ice.

My rum and coke suddenly tastes like sadness and wasted life.

Parity has ruined football. Not any fucking fun anymore. LItttle fucks like TCU can even win now.

This offense is a clusterfuck. Line up and run at them you stupid fucking idiot.

Heupel is setting up the run game to fail so he can pass more

Can we run some QB draws and if Knight gets hurt-oh well

Anyone ever drink 409 before? I will let you know how it goes.

Holy shit. I swallowed some of my Copenhagen.

Enjoy hell TCU. Fucking hypocrites.

Worse than seeing my Christian school teacher mother in a Tijuana donkey show...and my dad taking tickets..

Another drop. I blame our ugly gay uniforms

We're going in dry on ourselves!

Don't know what you can do to help our guys find their reproductive organs.

Worst receivers in the nation

Seals is a lazy mo. And his uncle sux too.

Seals Jones is slow, and has alligator arms. For being so big, he's such a damn VAG!!!

Winning dos not matter.. All about swag uniforms.

Will Sumlin be taking the Swaggcopter home?

I haven't played since 8th grade and will need to re-enroll, but I think I can catch the ball when thrown to me. I'm 5'7", 143lbs, but I'm pretty fast.

Offense sucks
Hill sucks
Snyder sucks
Mastro sucks
Take a deep breath and jump, just let it go.

is kenny putting ky on the ball?

Don't have to worry about Ebola...
No one on our team will be able to catch it

fucking msu and their stupid little faggoty little bells. It's bullshit. I need a drink, a lot of drink

Why why why would anyone ever leave Harris in there?!?!? A freakin blind 80yr old woman couldn't be any worse.

Is it wrong of me to just be trying to think of something clever for our inevitable inclusion in the meltdown thread?

Every time we debut a new uniform that I like, we lose like b1tches. Fuck charcoal gray. Fuck chrome. Dress out in clown suits next time...at least then we are dressing for the job.

i'm gonna go play clash of clans and beat up on some 7 year olds.

Hold the rope.....hold it.....hold it....

Sumlin hitched his wagon to a LOSER. Only good outing of the year was USCe.
Sec west will dominate us in coming weeks. I gotta sign up for AA now. Thanks a holes.

I think I've finally reached the 5th stage of grieving and loss. I can now lol at how bad we Fu king suck!!!

These cow bells are going to make me kill someone....or myself....

My vajayjay hurts.

Where is my Vomit cup.........

even our melt sucks.

7 million a year for that crap sandwich????

I'm almost at Fuck the periodic table level

Science is beginning to get on my nerves a little

Guess it's time to jump on that soccer bandwagon I've heard so much about

A Hotty Toddy sounds like something dirty an Ole Miss girl gives you in a porta-john. She starts off strong but then finishes poorly.

Verne and Gary suck all the dicks.

Lane Kiffin is an asshole

MURDER SUNSHINE IN THE FACE

Wow did we really waste two timeouts on that fuck up of a drive? Fuck off

fuck you katy perry

If ya'll motherfuckers would quit getting hurt I'd really appreciate it.

This clock management makes my dick soft.

WE FUCKING PLAY LIKE FUCKINGSHIT WHAT THE FUCK. IT WASN'T EVEN FUN TO WATCH AFTER THE SECOND QUARTER I HATE EVERYTHING

What the fuck? When did we become Clemson?

Refs wanted Ole Miss to win. Such bullshit every year.

"hurr durr look at this Alabama defense" 4 PLAYERS MISSED A TACKLE ON ONE PLAY. Please get off our jocks.

Katy Perry just got a lot less hot.

NOOOOO!!!! Why can't I have nice things?! Who's got the whiskey? This is gonna be a long night.

Seriously, get some grass or get out of the SEC. totally uncalled for considering all the money Bama et al. Bring in for your poor Mississippi asses

Fuck the world

FUCK YOU COLLINS

MOTHER.
OF.
GOD.

woooooooooow I can't believe the quick swing of this game....is this shit happening..................fuccccccccccccccccccccccccck

FUCK OJ Howard JUMP

Stole the game with a BS holding call for all you crying bitches.
Way to destroy a gteat finish with another BS call.

Kirby Smart has overstayed his welcome

I'm going to eat Red Lobster shrimp until I puke