NSFW: It's Meltdown Time! Week Five

Week five brought us a rather boring slate of games overall, but upset losses caused fans in Columbia and Ann Arbor to lose their minds. Michigan fans are clearly and justifiably done with Brady Hoke after he inexplicably put a very woozy Shane Morris back in the game while getting stomped by Minnesota. Not sure if I'm more shocked by his actions or the fact that the University seems to be standing behind him. Unreal. In any event, as always, this post contains awful language. Read on at your own risk. You have been warned.

via assets.sbnation.com

So sick of Spurrier's shitty ass play calling.

Senility is upon us

We hung on to Holtz way to long, can we fire SOS now and get a good coach. We are on a down hill slide that will not stop for years. This is Brad Scott Bad. And Thompson sucks, he runs like my Granny!

Dylan Thompson should not see the field again. He is complete garbage.

Holy shit we suck. I am disgusted.....embarrassed......fuck this

dylan sucks ass!!!!!!!!! he was so late with that pass. he should have sat down a long time ago. screw it!!!!!!

Spurrier has lost his ability to call effective plays. HE IS 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS LOSS. HE SHOULD BE IN RAY TANNER'S OFFICE TOMORROW MORNING EXPLAINING HIMSELF. THE SEASON IS OFFICIALLY OVER GUYS. NOT SURE I CAN WATCH ANY MORE OF THIS SORRY DISPLAY.

OLD CAROLINA. Or maybe it's New Carolina, losing the game we have no business losing every year. Either way, it's bullshit and I have had enough of it.

This team will not make a bowl game.

Pinkle just put a both fists and both feet up Whammy's stinkle.

We suck complete dick

I have to leave my house because if I don't then either my TV or computer will be smashed. So fucking pissed right now.

Everything sucks. This team is crap across the board. Coaching, offense, defense, special-teams, everything. A shitty experience

damn pecker lickers.

It's on the fans really, for tolerating football from washed up old coaches that cannot be fired because they won MNC's at other schools. Not ours!!!

Everyone is an asshole right now

Heads better fucking toll

Clemson may score 75 on us.

If I was a student I would tie Dylan Thompson's shoelaces together Monday in class

Dylan couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel.

Wow, fu¢k all of you. You guys aren't real fans. You're all just a bunch of whining bitçhes. I really hope all of you fu¢ks (who like to suck çoçk when we win) get an incurable disease. Pussiës

So, where can I buy my tickets to the Independence Bowl?

some of us don't always wear garnet glasses. Our coach is overrated at this point, our coaching staff as a whole gets embarrassed once a year. Our QB overthrows the majority of his passes. We were so undisciplined tonight. Our secondary can only hold to prevent big plays. Our tight ends have bricks for hands. We aren't good, no one in this program deserves the word "awesome" associated with them

Even Jesus would have questioned the wildcat

All facts. Our tight ends can't catch a cold, our qb can't hit the ocean with a pebble from 2 inches away, our defense is a JOKE, and our coaches all have alzheimers when it's gameday. This loss was the hardest one to watch because all we had to do was hang on for 7 minutes, and we let them score in 3 plays when we were up by 2 scores in the 4th quarter! I don't care what you sunshine pumpers say, we shit the bed tonight and it's gonna cost us our season; period. Yes we still have games to play, but our goals are all shot now. Better figure something out quick before this turn into a dumpster fire

We had nachos before the Texas A&M game. We had nachos tonight. No more nachos on game day.

First 3 game balls for Mizzou
1. Spurrier for calling a wildcat when Wilds had been killing them
2. 4th quarter D who quit on their team
3. A certain tight end who dropped the winning TD pass

Hope spurrier retires. He deserves better than this bunch of fucking losers we watch every saturday.

I'm gonna go get in bed and let my girlfriend hold me while I curl up in a ball in her arms and suck my thumb until I fall asleep

You're doing it wrong. My hot wife is about to suck my hog and then I'll go to sleep.

That game turned when SOS put davis in the wildcat and we went 3 and out. WTF are you thinking you old ball sack? Wilds had been chewing up 8 yards at a time the series before. Davis ass should have been on the pine and BW should have been the horse we were riding into the stable of victory. All we ended up with was a pile of horseshit.

There is not enough fireball in the world to get me through this.

Fuck this I'm going to eat a grilled cheese.

Someone tell dickhead what down it is.

this game is boring as fuck time for BACTERIAL POWER RANKINGS
Streptococcal pharyngitis
Clostridium botulinum
E. coli
Lactic acid bacteria
Yersinia pestis

This game was like going to a strip club. You can see the win up close, but the moment your hand touches an ass your face and heart get curbstomped. Except we didn't get to see any titties.

I wanna shoot myself in the dick

I swear to god if they say "unranked Missouri" again I'm gonna go on a mass murder spree.

This game is so bad it gave Connor Shaw cancer.

CATCH THE FUCKING BALL YOU CUNT

Question: is believing that this isn't a good football team still considered to be the "Old Carolina" mentality, or is it just, ya know, realistic?

Yep, this is Gamecock football.

via assets.sbnation.com

I hope everybody out there is enjoying engaging with the Michigan brand through the Wolverine Football Experience brought to you by Coca-Cola!

SUGGESTED HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS:

1) Offer Minnesota a friendly quit and watch FSU/NCST
2) Clone De'Veon Smith
3) Tie all the coaches to a pole and see if the team does better with no coaches
4) Just Fire Hoke and Brandon and get it over with

WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY PUT HIM BACK IN?! Jesus fucking Christ, this team makes me sick.

YOU PAID TWO COCA-COLA'S FOR THOSE SEATS WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE!??

Is this Al Borges? What kind of fucking play calling is that with a back up in? Where are the quick out routes? Bubble screens? Short slants? Jesus the refusal to engage in the short passing game to give Morris some confidence is mind boggling.
STOP BEING FUCKING PREDICTABLE AND HELP THE KID OUT

This is fucking irresponsible. USE A FUCKING TIME OUT. THE GAME IS ALREADY OVER YOU FUCKHOLE.

YOU PUT A MAYBE CONCUSSED AND CLEARLY HURT MORRIS IN FOR 1 PLAY TO HAND THE BALL OFF.
GET. OFF. OF. MY. TEAMS. COACHING. STAFF.

nervously puts acid tabs in mouth

"Is it safe to say Michigan is a basketball school?" Fuck you, announcers.

I've gone from hopeful Hoke is fired tonight, to I will be angry if he is not fired tonight.
That Shane Morris went in for that play was atrocious. End it tonight.

FUCK THE ANNOUNCERS. BRADY DID SO WELL BEFORE NOW????????????? HE WENT FUCKING 34 AND 38 WITH BALL STATE! I HAVE SUN BURN FOR THIS. GO FUCK YOURELF!

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS THIS IDIOT ANNOUNCER THINKS IT'S A FUCKING MISTAKE TO LET BRADY HOKE GO AFTER THIS YEAR????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

It's about fucking time they take Morris out. I don't care about his performance, he's been limping for half the game, Minnesota knows it and they keep going after that leg. As if I needed more of a reason to hate Hoke.

Bellomy was updating his Facebook.

I'm partial right now to "bumblefuck" and "assdouche." As in, the head coach is a huge walking-around bumblefuck hired by an arrogant assdouche.

I propse the blog be renamed MGOFUCKIT.

Attention shoppers, there's a cripple fight in the parking lot

I dub this game the Ineptitude Bowl brought to you by McPizza

Thus far I am not enjoying The Sludgefartening.

Hi, my name is Kevin, and I've been watching bad football for about eight years...I didn't even realize I had a problem until just recently! I kept thinking things would get better, but...

Sparty is going to lay a beating on us like we have never seen before. I will not be near the tv or computer or cellphone that entire day. I may find a dark room and sit in the corner until Sunday.

"Hoke is the heartbeat of the team." He must be due for a quadruple bypass.

I don't know if Jesus could save us right now...

Why does it look like the ball
Is deflated every time we punt?

Maybe someone will start a new thread "What will the next Coke promotion be?"

So hoke gets the job because he was a players asst coach that the players liked. LOL. We got what they deserved. Hoke may recruit well but IT WAS IRRESPONSIBLE AS ALL FUCK TO HIRE AN UNQUALIFIED GUY BECAUSE HE TALKED THE TALK. JESEUS H. ID TAKE RR BACK

don't waste any more time on this abortion of a coaching staff.

Brady clapping and giving life lessons after the pick six instead of getting fired up for once...Just resign already... Or better yet, fire yourself.

All you morons who wanted Morris to start. Enjoy and fuck you

WHAT THE FUCK!?!
Why have we become Indiana?

What now? Any suggestions other than drinking heroically?
Fuck these announcers and fuck the crowd shots after every play.

Hoke is Jon Voight at the end of Varsity Blues

Goddamn shit the bed fuck me sideways
This may be the most difficult game to watch in Michigan history. It's sad on every level. Fire Everyone! Tonight

Keep clapping you fat piece of shit

Any incoming recruit that decides to stay committed after this game/season deserves unlimited blowjobs...

Wow. That is really inexcusable. Letting a kid stay out there obviously injured and watching him take it again and again and again just to stand behind your earlier decision? Asshole move Brady.

I know there's no team bus but don't let Hoke even eat at the buffet after the game

Where the fuck is the heart of this team? He just tried to take out Morris and nobody on our team does shit? Are you fucking kidding me ?

I would copy every move Hoke is doing if I wanted to get fired. Every. Fucking. Move.

Fuck Hoke for doing this to Morris....Fuck you Hoke you son of a bitch

Hoke should just resign. He clearly does not care about his players. Fuck you Hoke. Have a fucking heart attack you piece of fat shit.

They get Shane killed and then Bellomy can't find his fucking helmet. This is unbelievable. Hoke should be fired Monday. I'm fucking serious.

I want to punch Hoke in his fucking mouth.

shit fuck damn dick piss ass cock bastard douche.

We've reached the point where continuing to call this a clown show would just be insulting to clowns.

How the fuck are we down by 23 and still running the play clock down to less than 10 seconds? Seriously are we the dumbest fucking team in America?

Too bad what we all just witnessed can't be unseen. Even if this gets back to close, that was like looking into an abyss of hell. I kind of want to make a complaint or something on his behalf. If I was Shane Morris' mother or father, I would be on my way there to fucking murder hoke right now.

We are a national joke.