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NSFW: It's Meltdown Time! Week Two

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This week's edition of our shameless revelry in the misery of others.

Rough day, coach?
Rough day, coach?
Brendan Maloney-USA TODAY Sports

For week two, we had no trouble figuring out which fanbases to highlight. First up are the Michigan fans who are ready to send Hoke and Nussmeier packing after a historic beatdown in South Bend, the first time Michigan has ever been shut out by the Irish, in the last installment of that storied rivalry. After that we have the Buckeyes from "The" Ohio State University who were clearly not expecting to lose in the horseshoe to Virginia Tech and didn't take it well. At all. Last but not least, Texas was destroyed by BYU... need I say more? Any time the 'Horns are involved, the warning carries a bit of extra weight. If you are offended by incomprehensible, vile language then read no further. You have been warned.

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this shit fucking sucks (and I don't swear)

No push on the OL, no rush on the DL, can't cover anyone one on one, and special teams sucks.

Honestly Michigan is a fucking basket case.

Why do we even have replay if these blind motherfuckers are so goddamn incompetent that they can't even use it? Fuck the refs.

This is why I don't buy into preseason hype, or a performance against a terrible app state team. Neg me all you want, but Hoke hasn't shown his teams can win on the road. His best road win is against a terrible NW team. Here's to another 8-4 season. I'm officially hammered now. Fuck!

Thanks assholes. I made a deal with my wife to put our 2 year olds to bed without me so I could watch this. Whatever I owe her can't be this bad.

Michigan is PVT Santiago and ND is COL Nathan fucking Jessup this first half.

Back the fucking brinks truck right up to one of the Harbaugh's, I don't care if it's jack, hoke is over his head. Either the recruiting experts are off or we can't develop, embarrassing.

I guess you have to be understanding when we're missing all of those starting players due to academic fraud. That was them? Oh fuck.

My life revolves around this god damn team. I live and die with decisions made my 18 year old children. I visit this god damn blog every 3 mins. I want to die when we get this beat. I'm done caring, there's just more important things in life I can focus on.

Anyone tracking the charter plane yet to Baton Rouge or SF?

I feel like shit about it but I am done with this program until something changes. They fuck up my life way too often for the happiness it brings.

Blue, State, Buckeyes all currently being blown out. BIG = MAC of the 5 power conferences. Hate to say it and it sucks!!! I'm too old for this shit. Wish I could live in the past but I just can't do it anymore. It's gonna be a long road to hoe until Big Blue regains their place as a relevant NC contender. Shit!

But next year we will win another blowout in the opener and all of you mouthbreathers will be predicting Heismans and a playoff spot

Fire Nussmeier.

I'd go watch porn, but this team is getting fucked up way worse than those porno chicks...and the team's probably got more holes to poke, too.

You think we can sell one of our timeouts to ND for 3 points?

I may defend the shit out of Hoke, but fuck Dave Brandon and the corporatization of Michigan football. Piped in music can suck my asshole.

wife: "Why are you still watching?"
I'm... not sure how to respond.

Can we restart the game? We forgot to turn injuries off

I'm sick of the goddamn fucking bullshit man. Year after fucking year we play like a fucking high school team.

Wile might suck at kicking field goals, but at least he's not a rapist.

lmfao that's awful. Fuck it doesn't matter.

Fuckety fuckety fuck.

Potatoes suck cock.

And now my dad has texted me saying we need to fire mattison. I wasn't going to drink tonight but fuck that noise, I can't deal with that garbage too

God damn touchdown Jesus, you have to be kidding me!! Where the hell is our secondary?? Where the fuck is this "new offense"!? You're not going to get first downs on fucking bubble screens and that one QB sweep on 3rd fucking down! Were is this nussmeier Offense?

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THANKS LEBRON

We'll start our own playoffs, for the inaugural "we were better than the SEC 100 years ago" Championship.

If they convert this I'm cutting off my Dick

I'm eating hot pockets.
Sad pepperoni pizza hot pockets, of course.

JOKES ON YOU FOOTBALL GODS IM ALREADY DRUNK

The kicker is gonna need witness protection to keep him safe this week.

Whole goddamn conference is getting its ass kicked. I am not happy.

Fuck me with a 12 inch strap on.

Let's go for a talk in the locker room. Maybe chew some wood and pee in the waterfall.

Someone told me we have offensive weapons. Anyone know where we can find them?

This thread reminds me of all of the meltdown threads we link to when other teams are losing.

personal foul penalties are giving me the red ass

Pee and poop in my pants

Corey Smith must have naked pictures of Shelly Meyer.

Jesus. Good night, guys. Sweet fucking dreams.

my weekend is completely ruined.

Silver lining... OSU plays in the Big Ten.

Jesus Christ, we just let damn Zach Efron clone of a QB beat us.

when we beat these backwood fucks in backwater VA next year it better be a curb stopping.

Offensive line is fucking offensive, and the running backs suck as well.

i love the buckeye and I want only the best ( win every game) but I do not see things the way most of you do. I do not see us as dominating as YOU ALL PEETEND! Take off your beer goggles and look at the facts! We are not as dominating as you think!

Your 2014 Big Ten Champion: Minnesota Golden Gophers

Brewer hit his last 7 passes - another fucking Heisman QB against our shitty-ass D. Got Damn, I'm sick of this shit!

OH GOOD, FUCKELL TOOK OUT KWON.

We are literally the reason people are riding Connor Cook 's dick

This kicker sucks cock.

This kicker is gonna end up sleeping with Jimmy Hoffa later tonight.

Brewer = Jaimes Winston. At least against OSU.... FUCK I'm sick of this shit!!!!

56 days until the wrestling season starts...

BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That blows buffalo bagels.

So Hard to Watch...nothing but sand-lot and desperation.tOSU Football Coaches....What do you do?????Just to add....I'd feel guilty taking a paycheck for producing this.....

This offensive line sucks donkey balls....

Interior of our line is made of wet toilet paper.

Va Tech has got to be tired from all of the blitzing.

This is fucking EXCRUTIATING to watch.

God almighty this is a fucking disgraceful team Meyer is putting on the field.

I
hurt

NEWS FLASH WE FREAKIN SUCK. this team is poorly coached. the oline can't pass pro, the qb and receivers aren't on the same page, and our coaches aren't comfortable w/ us running a simple screen play.

Really, if I'm a parent watching this shit, I'm telling my kid - "you need to consider other options". This is not a program on the rise. In fact, it's in decline - 1 and 3 in the last 4 games. A great showing by the PATHETIC FUCKING B1G tonight. Unreal.

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What happened at half time?
I'm scared our coaches got absolutely worked at the half. Either that or roofies.

How
Does an athletic department this bad get its own network?

Suck a shit asshole...

All white dudes on this team. We can win

I hate my life

Jesus christ someone take that fucker out

Thank Joseph Smith there was holding

Lets fucking go defense you pussies

Fuck Mack. Fuck Shawn. Fuck our oline. Fuck Taysom's pussy knee brace. Fuck Case. Fuck Red. Fuck me.

Maybe Strong wasn't the right hire....

HERPES. THE GIFT THAT KEEPS GIVING

Is Aggy playing? I was hoping to watch an American football game this evening.

So this is what Mormon sodomy feels like......
The only question that remains is, did they have they leave their magic underwear on when they skull fucked us, or did they have to take them off first?

everyone that said byu would crush us was shut down with sunshine pumping defense will beat everyone reality has set in. we are not good not good at all

So I guess this means we are officially out of the playoff this year

This team is a hopeless turd, through and through. I like Charlie as a moral compass, but he needs to shitcan Watson as soon as this game's over.

Picked a bad day to quit sniffing glue

We just pulled up to a red light, rolled down the window and puked everywhere.

Where the fuck is that lightning storm?

They still have to go to provo and not have a drink and not let their 7 wives strap one on.
Did any of ya'll notice that our band was playing "Dream On" by Aerosmith?
Those fucking faggots

I want to go buy some holy underwear then join a fight club

Fuck Bronco Mendenhall

What's the over under on mountain handjobs during the Tech game?

we are being realistic there isnt a win left on our schedule

I still wanna kill a bitch. Preferably a Mormon bitch.

Would hate to be in practice this week. Dem boys gonna get face raped.

I dont know how much more hipster trash pbr I can handle. Why did I buy this swill again?

i may not even be able to get it up anymore

I'm gonna take 6 craps tomorrow after all this frustration binge eating.

Harrison and Estelle can suck my dick.

Remember what happened in that mission house in SA, persecution, denial of progress. Hell! no more yards now. Fuck bronco. Glad to be on line vs sweating in the stands, but...

What is the over/under on how many kids the whole team has? Just the players?
I'd say 35. And 35 of them are legitimate children

I will say this...we will have to backdoor our way to a National Championshit

Fuck you troll motherfuckers. Go eat a bag of bob stoops AIDS infested dicks.

Texas may have lost...but at least I'll wake up in the morning, drink a nice cup of coffee, have premarital sex, and be thankful I'm not a brain washed cult follower.

Fuck everyone. Wish I had a big ol astronaut peen. I'm pissed

This feels like 1988. It's gonna be awhile. Fuck you Mack Brown.

I'm gonna go chop my dick off.

IDGAF. Shit's unacceptable. Ever, for any Texas team. We just got fucking clowned on in our own place by a mid major. Anyone here really want to try to make an argument that the talent standing on our sideline is inferior to what motherfucking BYU has?

I'm a raised southern Baptist who goes to church every Sunday and who loves jesus but I need a drink

I'm gonna go shave my ball sack.

We got raped in our gaping Asholes tonight boys.

edmond's fat ass has no business starting in a modern college football defense

I broke a "core value" ...
... just so they'd let me leave the stadium.
And on the way out, a Mormon in a Jimmer Fredette jersey clowned the Texas crowd. In the last TWELVE months, Texas has lost SIX football games ...
Margins ... 19, 21, 25, 20, 23, 34.
FUCK MY LIFE. I miss Manny.

Shawn Watson is a fucking faggot.

I broke 5 of chuck's 7 commandments tonight. anal would be the 6th. i'll see myself out of the program.

BYU broke their dick off in our ass tonight...

Damn, this board has turned into Texags circa 2004, with cussing.

Sunshine pumpers, premature ejaculate, pot bangers. How long until there is a "Hold the rope" thread?